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The Definitive Image of Portland Trail Blazers Fandom

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Will the Blazers win a championship with the current roster? Ask Homer Simpson.

NBA: Playoffs-New Orleans Pelicans at Portland Trail Blazers Troy Wayrynen-USA TODAY Sports

Since the Portland Trail Blazers got ousted from the 2018 NBA Playoffs by the New Orleans Pelicans (don’t look now...they’re currently down 0-2 to the Golden State Warriors), we’ve all needed a mental/emotional break. In Blazer’s Edge terms, “break” means video breakdowns of what went wrong for CJ McCollum in the New Orleans series, dissecting Neil Olshey’s press conference, and multiple rundowns of prospects who might be around when the Blazers select 24th in the 2018 NBA Draft. But it’s all relative. Personally, I’ve viewed this as something of a “fluff week”, a time not to be too serious in preparation for the hard analysis of the upcoming off-season.

That hard analysis starts next week, but in tribute to the emotional break, we have this question from the Blazer’s Edge Mailbag. See how you would answer!

Dave,

The NBA Store now has an interesting commercial depicting personifications of several NBA teams and/or fan bases...

Mavericks - guy needing coffee but frustrated he can’t get any like he once could.

Spurs - lady who clearly wants coffee, can’t get it right now, but knows sooner or later it will be hers once again.

Rockets - guy sipping his coffee in front of envious onlookers, making it look easy.

Celtics - old man who’s been around the block, sitting at the head of the table as the most accomplished person in the room.

Lakers - young man confidently reaching for a dish like he’s always done, but suddenly getting denied and embarrassed.

Knicks and Nets - bratty kids competing for a mediocre prize at best.

Warriors - “goody two-shoes” employee flaunting his myriad awards when it’s clear no one else even has a chance of competing against him.

Heat - tan, shirtless beach bro, past his prime, wearing a towel, absent of any care in the world because he’s still in Miami.

If you were to paint a scenario like this to represent the Blazers and/or its fans, what would it look like?

—Cole

This is super simple. Ever since LaMarcus Aldridge left in 2015—-MAYBE since Brandon Roy and Greg Oden went down at the beginning of the decade (I wouldn’t go that far)—Trail Blazers fans have been Homer Simpson, chasing that infamous BBQ pig.

It’s all there. Lisa is the injury bug or Aldridge’s agent. You’ve got the salary cap hedge, free agency traffic, the river of draftees, the luxury tax dam, right down to the slowly-dawning, final realization.

But hey, I’m not the only voice in town. As “fluff week” comes to a close, tag yourselves with some kind of description or image in the comments, Blazers fans!

If you have off-season-related questions for the Mailbag, send them to blazersub@gmail.com or hit me up @DaveDeckard on Twitter!

—Dave / @davedeckard / @blazersedge / blazersub@gmail.com

Update:

Twitter is starting to get busy.

The classic:

And, of course...