What would the Blazers’ hypothetical pitch to LeBron James Look Like?

Let’s just note this off the bat: LeBron James is not coming to the Portland Trail Blazers. He has Hollywood aspirations, and unless he’s interested in directing a “Goonies“ reboot, Oregon probably can’t match up with California. He also likes to win championships, moving from the Cavaliers to the Heat to do so, and then back to the Cavs again to win another. The Blazers have been a consistent first-round exit.

That being said, every Blazers fan would probably take LeBron right now on this team. Max Rappaport of Bleacher Report takes on the tall task of pitching every NBA team to LeBron. Here’s what Portland’s pitch could look like:

Short pitch: “Come play for the best fans in the NBA.”

Long pitch: “Over the last three seasons, we’ve won just a shade over 55 percent of our games, but our attendance has hovered around 99.5 percent. We’re a one-sport town if you don’t count soccer, and in Portland we love our basketball.

“We haven’t won a championship since 1977, and people around here still talk about that team. Win here, and you’d own the Pacific Northwest.”

His arrival would probably mean he could skip to the front of the line at Salt & Straw and he could have several doughnuts at Voodoo Doughnut inspired by him.

Portland is also basically part of Nike country, and James signed a $1-billion deal for the rest of his life with Nike. He could save so much on flights by just playing here.

Oh yeah, he’d also get to play with Damian Lillard, who’s been complimentary of him before. Bring LeBron to Portland.