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All Your Trail Blazers Questions Answered in Haiku

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Lessons from Phoenix, Nurkic’s contract, Meyers Leonard’s future...we tackle everything in 17 syllable chunks.

NBA: Portland Trail Blazers at Phoenix Suns Mark J. Rebilas-USA TODAY Sports

The Portland Trail Blazers‘ record-setting win against the Phoenix Suns in their opening game of the 2017-18 NBA season has everybody in the Rose City in a good mood. The defense improved. Damian Lillard scored a ton. Jusuf Nurkic wrecked the court. Portland survived a CJ McCollum suspension. Heck, they even picked up Wade Baldwin for fun the day after. With everybody soaring high as the International Space Station, this seems like a good time to take a chance with the Blazer’s Edge Mailbag.

You may recall last week we answered nine Mailbag questions in just 45 total words, a feat never attempted before and never to be repeated. In the jovial comment section of that Mailbag, faithful reader RipCityAddiction responded with this:

I have a huge backlog of questions. You threw down the gauntlet. While you’re waiting for this afternoon’s contest with the Indiana Pacers to commence, let’s do this. Welcome to the Blazer’s Edge Mailbag, haiku version.


Portland is focused

If you take them too lightly

You will leave in shame

(Also click here for a more nuanced answer.)

What will seeds matter?

Home court will not grant you wins

The West is too tough

I miss him dearly

I did not get to use up

My crustacean jokes

I don’t get fashion

I walk around proudly in

My Pink Lillard 2’s.

.

From starting5 to Bench. Which Blazer(s) make the leap this year?

Adam

Candidates abound

I’ll go with Meyers Leonard

to another team

(P.S. Nothing personal. He needs a fresh start.)

.

I’ve been a reader for some time, but, after reading Dave Deckard’s article this AM, I have decided to get my Blazers news elsewhere. Way too much negativity at a time when the world needs less. I’m assuming that Dave thinks he’s being cute. He’s being a third grader. Try writing with some character and compassion.

PS: I am not a big Meyers Leonard fan, but geez!

Alec

Sorry that I lack

Character and compassion

It’s all Meyers’ fault

.

You can’t complain about a 50 point win but I was a little worried about Nurk’s performance. With CJ out I expected more points. is he going to be all that?

Another Dave

Rebounds and passes

Jumpers and blocks will suffice

‘til post moves improve

.

PCON! [Pat Connaughton] 24 POINTS! HE’S ARRIVED AND NOT GOING BACK! JUST ADMIT IT, DAVE!

Jon

When CJ returns

He’ll be seen in warm-up gear

Like you’re seen in caps

.

Wade Baldwin seems like a great candidate for the 15th spot once he’s done with the two-way contract. How significant will he be this year?

Kelly

Typical flyer

His offense is atrocious

Why not Alec too?

.

Dave,

Supposedly Nurk is waiting for restricted free agency instead of signing an extension. How will this affect what we pay him?

Manny

Whether now or then

Like arguing with one’s spouse

They’ll pay either way

.

Dave,

Easy question. Name one key to the season nobody is talking about.

Jeremy

Win plenty early

The schedule gets much tougher

Once autumn departs

.

Dave! Game one has me feeling optimistic! For fun, let's assume all the Blazers' role players find their groove this season, and we enter the trade deadline stacked with valuable assets. Neil Olshey finally gets to execute a trade to take the team to The Next Level. Who do we target??

Jamie

Trade talk already?

Ask again two months from now

And this time use “whom”


And that’s it, Blazers fans! No doubt you can do better, so ask—and haiku answers to—more Blazers questions in the comment section. If you want to send in your own Mailbag question for a non-haiku response, you can email it to blazersub@gmail.com or DM @DaveDeckard.

—Dave / @davedeckard / @blazersedge / blazersub@gmail.com

Do you have any character and compassion? If so, maybe you can help send 2000 local Portland children and youth to see the Blazers face the Sacramento Kings in the Moda Center on February 27th. It’s simple! Just click here.