Experiencing Trail Blazers-Warriors analysis paralysis? Can't take one more interview about Game 2 losses and Game 3 adjustments? Confused about the Blazers playing Game 1 of this series on 36 hours of rest but waiting three...whole...days between the second and third games?
So here's a different kind of story...
The NBA Board of Governor's voted last month in favor of placing small ads on NBA jerseys beginning in 2017. ESPN's Darren Rovell has since reported via Twitter that the league has notified teams of certain restrictions in the types of companies that will be allowed to purchase on-jersey advertising space:
NBA tells teams it can't sell jersey ad to companies involved with: Alcohol, tobacco, gambling, politics, media company or Nike competitor.— Darren Rovell (@darrenrovell) May 4, 2016
Those restrictions, however, have left open the option to sell ad space to some "interesting" companies. With that in, the Blazer's Edge staff has the following ad suggestions:
Portland Trail Blazers: Uncle Spliffy's Sports Cannabis
Oklahoma City Thunder: Seattle's Best Coffee
Los Angeles Clippers: Kleenex
Houston Rockets: Speedo, the choice of Olympic divers
Charlotte Hornets: Port-a-Potty: 24 of them in a row, each distinctly labeled, covering the whole rainbow!
Washington Wizards: Smith and Wesson
Toronto Raptors: Triumph Scramber Motorcycle, with Chris Pratt as spokesperson
Utah Jazz: Caffeine-free Diet Coke
Milwaukee Bucks: Microsoft Word Spell-Check (because Atenkum...Atemkomp...Atentokump...damnit)
Denver Nuggets: Fit-Bit
Chicago Bulls: Band-Aid
Sacramento Kings: Greyhound, then Trailways, then Amtrak (cuz switching coaches is always the answer)
Dallas Mavericks: Stetson
San Antonio Spurs: Jared: The Galleria of Jewelry
Brooklyn Nets: New York Transit Authority
Memphis Grizzlies: AAA
Miami Heat: Banana Boat Sunscreen
Boston Celtics: Jim Beam Whiskey (mediocre, but number of shots will make up for it)
New York Knicks: United Auto Workers (cuz their GM is sinking them too)
Los Angeles Lakers: MySpace (super relevant, circa 2008)
Got some other ad suggestions? Let us know in the comments! We'll update the list with the best ones.
Credit to the Blazer's Edge staff for helping to compile this list, including akicks, Dave Deckard, Ryan Chase, David MacKay, and others.
We recognize that Rovell's list may not be complete - this is intended in good fun and not as a serious idea.