Bill Simmons: Blazers To Make Playoffs, Neil Olshey To Win Executive Of The Year

Bill Simmons of pop culture, entertainment, pottery, woodwinds instruments, weather, gardening, basket-weaving, celebrity gossip, and sports website Grantland.com -- also known as "The Sports Guy" and, now, "Clairvoyant Bill" -- joins former NBA player Jalen Rose to preview the 2013-14 Portland Trail Blazers in a YouTube video.

Although Simmons predicts that the Blazers will make the playoffs and has them ranked No. 16 overall in the NBA, Portland ranks ninth among Western Conference teams, trailing (in no particular order) the Oklahoma City Thunder, San Antonio Spurs, Los Angeles Clippers, Memphis Grizzlies, Dallas Mavericks, Houston Rockets, Denver Nuggets, and Golden State Warriors.

The Blazers are ranked ahead of, in order: the Minnesota Timberwolves, Los Angeles Lakers, New Orleans Pelicans, Sacramento Kings, Utah Jazz and Phoenix Suns.

Here are some of the choice cuts from the video, in which Simmons pulls a Mike Rice by donning a silly hat and making predictions under a moniker.

Bill Simmons: "Clairvoyant Bill should also mention that he thinks Portland makes the playoffs. He thinks Neil Olshey is the GM of the Year."

Jalen Rose: "Wow. I disagree with both of those."

Bill Simmons: "OK, well you tell the people on the Blazersedge messageboard because they're not going to like you. I've got your back, Blazersedge."

More from Simmons...

"Portland had an incredible summer, I loved Portland's summer. Portland's summer was so great I feel like they kind of catapulted themselves into the playoffs. Last year they had no bench, this year they added Robin Lopez for free, they added Thomas Robinson, the fifth pick in the 2012 draft for free, Dorell Wright, great corner three-point shooter dude, and Mo Williams, who tried to start a feud with me during my first "NBA Countdown" season because I said Utah didn't have a point guard. ... CJ McCollum -- we're hiring for Grantland in some form, he's going to work for us -- and everyone likes Allen Crabbe."

...

"Probably the league's craziest fanbase, they only have one team, very soccer mom-ish. I like it. I like the intensity, I like how crazy they are."

...

"Love Thomas Robinson. Big Thomas Robinson fan."

Quick thoughts from Rose...

"I think the Timberwolves are better than the Portland Blazers. I like what they've done with their backcourt."

...

"The [Meyers] Leonard pick wasn't such a great pick. Minnesota has a solid 4/5 tandem that can pound them down low on the boards and scoring. Who is going to help Aldridge down low, is the question for the Blazers."

Big thanks to RedUniInLA who scooped the whole thing a few days ago in the FanShots and to you'vegottomakeyourfreethrows who posted the video link this morning.

-- Ben Golliver | benjamin.golliver@gmail.com | Twitter