First things first: Rudy got hosed like a Turkish convict, like a drunken rioter, like Aunt Mabel's parched petunias. I know it took him 82 tries to get the second dunk right but come on...Dwight Howard, multiple tries on his first dunk, 50 points. That's stoopid with two "O's" and not in the good way. Plus the other guys were basically looking like carbon copies of each other in the first round. Rudy at least was different.
This is a good lesson though. I know that YOU know exactly where he went wrong. I don't even have to say it. But I will, as long as you understand I'm not preaching to the choir by letting you know, I'm talking directly to Rudy here.
Let this be a lesson, young man. NEVER trust a L*ker. Never, ever, ever, ever, EVER! "But he's my countryman!" OK, but he's a L*ker. "We've known each other since I was five!" What's he wearing? Purple and gold? That makes him a L*ker. "But he's dating my sister, he's eaten my mother's meatloaf, and we took a blood and gall bladder juice sealed oath (painful!) to be BFF's for life no matter what!" TOUGH! HE'S A L*KER! Like one of the commentators said, we did not come here to see Pau Gasol make a fancy-pants pass off the backboard and blow it sixteen times so that Plastic Man swinging on Spidey's web with Inspector Gadget's spring-loaded boots and a Batarang couldn't dunk it. Nice job, Senor Awkward. Next time somebody invites you to HELP him with the dunk contest maybe you could do a little less showing off and just put the darn ball where it's supposed to hit, eh? I mean once...that's cute. Nice try. But after the SIXTH TIME my guess is that your friend Rudy just wants you to get the pass high enough. Comprende?
"But Rudy, nobody will respect me if I do not do this behind my back. If I just do it normally all the girls will flock to you as usually happens. I don't like that, Rudy. It's not fair, Rudy. Jump, Rudy! Jump! Again Rudy! Again! Your leaps are getting pitiful! What do you think of your man now, chicas? I am the major muffin of studliness in your eyes now, right? It is my passes you will respond to, not his! This is my great plan!!! Mwaaahahahahahaha!!!"
I told you, he's a L*KER.
Oh well...laugh if you want, rest of the league. I guess Rudy will just have to get his revenge by pinning six championships on you in the next decade. We shall regale Mr. Gasol with the immortal words of Han Solo: Laugh it up, fuzzball. You may have won this round, but Rudy will have his revenge.
Which brings us to the question for discussion today in lieu of the player recap that I was going to do but started too late to finish adequately.
You've seen the festivities. You're about to see Brandon Roy take the stage in the main game tomorrow. How much does it really mean to you? Do you view it as fun? Important? A matter of pride and respect? A waste of time? What's your take on the meaning of "All-Star"?
Debate, discuss, define and delineate below.
--Dave (blazersub@yahoo.com)