Or should this be called "Poetry Idol"?
I have to admit I had no idea what I was getting into when I invited people to pen odes about their favorite (or not so favorite) Blazer players. I honestly expected some scraps of doggerel, a couple limericks and some haiku, and maybe one or two truly excellent pieces. I was flabbergasted...stunned even. You guys are AMAZING. I don't know if the Blazers will win an NBA championship in the near future but I do know if any other blog ANYWHERE wants to throw down in verse, it's on like Donkey Kong baby.
But reading masterpiece after masterpiece left me with a problem. I can't choose which submission to award the prize and the title of Blazersedge Poet Laureate 2007-08. So I'm passing the buck. I've selected four offerings that, if not strictly the best of the bunch, at least can lay claim to being in the running. You can vote in the comment section for the most worthy of the honor. I will accept votes up to 11:59 Tuesday night. Here are your choices...
TimG's English sonnet:
What a difference a year makes
Tumbling in the dismal sea of doubt,
Uncertain as to where our team might be,
And wond'ring when we might at last get out
Of shadows cast by years of suckery
And legal irresponsibility.
Behold! A new wind blows a breath of life,
With summer comes new hope, a soft warm breeze--
A breeze, a draft that may just set us right.
Our hearts lept up when we at first beheld
The polished style that he brought to the game,
And even more the more that he excelled,
And proved that he was worthy of his name.
So here's to him whom Blazers fans revere,
Brandon Roy, our Rookie Of the Year.
This offering from QualityPie:
Sing now the ballad of Ime Udoka!
A joy, and a story divine!
A Portlander, raised in the land of the mocha
and the Pinot Noir ripe on the vine!
A Viking, befallen to senior-year surg'ries,
undrafted and sent to the wild
Of Leagues D and foreign, far from the fir trees
where the man once liv'd as a child.
Five years in the cruelest limbo of training-
camp invites, rights signed and then waiv'd.
But back in Portland where 'tis ever so raining,
His career is miraculously sav'd!
The man can defend! He can handle the ball!
He can bury the wide-open J!
He's a MAN among kids! It's time he gets the call!
And just as his father's pass'd away.
Ime Udoka, you've done your dad proud;
As long as you play, he's alive.
No finer Trail Blazer is there to be found
Than the one wearing Numeral Five.
A captivating little ditty from Shenanigans:
One pound coconut grasped in his talons
Like a swallow he floats above the ground
Searching for the target to drop his cargo
and bring to his house a joyous sound
He moves not clumsy like a duck
Though Ducks be his lineage
But dances gracefully to empty court
To nimbly maneuver his passage
His shot, like a stone, flung from a catapult
Heavy, difficult to direct
When aware, however, of this tumult
With others well does he connect
A pittance he asks for his service
Also to carry the banner black and red
Allow not this gifted creature
To roam far from the city of his childhood bed.
I honestly couldn't choose between DrDave's submissions so I included them both. Please consider them as a unit.
Ode to Mr. Miles
How various are the rumors 'round you swirling
Precarious, nefarious is your future here unfurling
In Mo Cheek's face you brought disgrace
Oh, see the demons twirling
You lost your place - and fell from grace
Now, fans just feel like hurling
If Icarius had half your hops I'm certain
No need of wax or wings he'd have, to soar above Earth's curtain
But fleeting fame, like sun aflame
Can sometimes bring a hurtin'
And down you came, like him, in flames
With greatness you were flirtin'
Please bear with us, for now we love to hate
We're furious and curious, yet still, it's not too late
Can you turn it around? Can you shed those pounds...
And get your head on straight?
What now is lost can again be found
Rise up, young man. Be Great!
WHO AM I ?
The beginning was predictable: butt-kicked-able
Relegated to the basement, I languished in subocrity
And then...from Heaven...a divine dispersal!
In one solar circuit I took the elevator to her penthouse
Ligaments and tendons brought me back down
But not for long. The taste of rare wine...the lure of her satin sheets
Led me back...back to the upper levels
And not just once. I was insatiable!
Zimbabwe and Zaire's diamonds could not draw me away
Even twice I stood again in the doorway of her luxurious suite. . .
Rejection ultimately released her poison. I lie sick, near death
Soon I will recover. Next time...I take the stairs
hint: If you need a clue...
It's right in front of you
Thanks to everyone who took the time to write. You can read all the submissions here.
And finally all of this great stuff made me want to submit my own, which is not eligible for consideration (and not as good as these anyway). Click "read more" below to see my ode to the ups and downs of the 2006-07 Blazers.
Have fun voting!
Joel Przybilla is a stone cold thrilla
He's the best defender we know
But he hacks and hacks and his shot is whacked
And he still can't hit a free throw
Our boy Trout he can leap no doubt
When he dunks nothing else tops it
If you pass to him as he nears the rim
Lay you five to one he drops it
Big Z-Bo is a scoring pro
He gets double digits nightly
But he hogs the ball and the offense stalls
And his defense is unsightly
Brandon Roy is our Golden Boy
In the rebuild he's the first key
But his knee went bad, then the coach said, "Lad,
You just sit there on your Swirsky!"
Jamaal Magloire is tough for sure
But he's disliked by the masses
For his head of bone and his hands of stone
And his feet just like molasses
My man Im-e shouldn't get away
Cuz he's decent and not sordid
He plays real smart with a lot of heart
And deserves to get rewarded
Young Martell was playing well
At the finish of last season
But he's lost his spark and the shooting mark
And nobody knows the reason
Darius earned the fan's disgust
As he squandered what God gave him
And he looked real cool in his backyard pool
Until Greenpeace tried to save him
Jarrett Jack takes a lot of flak
But he's solid and he's classy
He is pretty good and does what he should
Which is much better than Bassy
LMA, he can really play
On the court he looks the smoothest
But his claim to fame: he's the topmost name
On dear Jorga's "Things to do" list
Raef LaFrentz, his rehab's intense
Cuz his calf and hip and joint's sore
And that ain't so great cuz he earns the rate
Of a million bucks per point scored
Dan Dickau, he can score and how
He's our version of "The Answer"
Hey well maybe not, cuz he's not that hot
But he bagged a Blazer Dancer
Luke Schenscher is a tall ginger
That it's hard to find much fault in
If he smoked some joints and scored twenty points
He could be the next Bill Walton
Freddie Jones always makes his bones
With his leaping, soaring throw-downs
But to help his fate both his playing weight
And his three point shot must go down
But Sergio is our fave you know
No-one else can match his passes
But he can't get burn cuz the coach is stern
And sits rookies on their... Tweet! Technical foul on the blogger.
Aw man...and it was going so well too. Darn refs. Always keeping the man down. Stupid NBA rules. Suspend this, Stern.