Here's the second part of our Pre-Season Preview in 90 seconds or less (with the help of a few pop culture icons). This time it's the Western Conference's turn. Again the order is roughly by last year's finish
DALLAS MAVERICKS--Peter Jackson
Tons of talent but may spend a lifetime trying to reprise the big hit.
SAN ANTONIO SPURS--Seinfeld
You've seen it before a dozen times, but you'll watch again because they're that good.
PHOENIX SUNS--Jeanie Buss
Looks fantastic, amazing financial outlook, but still can't get the ring.
(P.S. Shame on you, Phil Jackson.)
MEMPHIS GRIZZLIES--The Butabi Brothers
At this rate they're going to have a very hard time scoring.
LOS ANGELES CLIPPERS--Easy Rider
Cool guys, will have fun, and may go a long way, but it's doubtful they'll see a happy ending.
LOS ANGELES LAKERS--Saturday Night Live
Used to be relevant, now just a sad parody of themselves.
DENVER NUGGETS--Lindsay Lohan
Has talent and looks fine but...well... tick...tick...tick....
SACRAMENTO KINGS--The 40 Year Old Virgin
Really nice guys who have been at it a long time with no results.
UTAH JAZZ--Donny and Marie Osmond
Easy to dismiss, but they've got a little bit of talent and may see some success.
NEW ORLEANS/OKLAHOMA CITY HORNETS--Willy Wonka
A bizarre owner ushers in a departure from normal reality. Could be sweet, could be a disaster.
SEATTLE SUPERSONICS--The Warren Commission
Despite rumors to the contrary there's only one real shooter.
HOUSTON ROCKETS--Anna Nicole Smith
Big comeback depends on two substantial assets.
GOLDEN STATE WARRIORS--The "Million Dollar Man" Ted DiBiase
Tough as nails, throws money around, known for giving the top guys a run for their money on any given night, but never makes it to the Promised Land.
MINNESOTA TIMBERWOLVES--Three's Company
Never quite the same after the cast changes.
And because we're nothing if not fair...
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PORTLAND TRAILBLAZERS--Cletus the Slack-Jawed Yokel
Socially awkward, occasionally embarrassing. Hitting it big in the lottery is the best (some would say only) hope for long-term success.
--Dave (blazersub@yahoo.com)