Oden tonsil auction spurs controversy

(AP: New York). NBA Commissioner David Stern was quick to react to reports that the Portland Trail Blazers will auction #1 draft pick Greg Oden's tonsils on Ebay. Stern, in a prepared press release, said the Oden tonsil sale could "wreak havoc" on the league's collective bargaining agreement (CBA) and the league's luxury tax.

The Blazers reportedly are setting a $25 million minimum on Oden's Ebay tonsil listing, but expect to receive bids topping $30 million, a figure that would match the recent buyout of Stevie Franchise's contract. Blazer wunderkind GM Kevin Pritchard would not confirm the Ebay listing, but said the franchise will pursue "creative avenues" to fix the Blazer's financial model and pursue the "no tonsils" Blazer culture." Pritchard declined to comment on the effect the tonsil auction might have on the CBA.

The league's CBA is designed to discourage excessive salaries through fiduciary penalty. But, as Commissioner Stern said, "What happens when the Lakers auction Kobe Bryant's ego for $50 million? After that, Dr. Jerry Bust (Lakers owner) can exceed the cap by a similar amount and effectively not pay a dime of luxury tax."

Although Oden's tonsils have not yet been listed on Ebay, sports memorabilia collectors are announcing their intention to bid. Fred Barrow, a dot.com millionaire from Amarillo, said he would be active in bidding. "I might mount `em on my wall next to the endangered species. Or if they're big enough I must just use `em for croquet mallets." Barrow, who made his fortune from the cheapwheelbarrows.com website, offered this advice to those who might bid against him, "Don't play leapfrog with a unicorn!"

Mildred Rabb, a wealthy dentist's widow from Boise, is evidence of how rapidly the auction fever can spread. Ms. Rabb describes herself as a pudgy 62-year-old woman who is boring as butterscotch. She's already contacted the Sacramento Kings and expressed an interest in bidding up to $10 million dollars for one year of Ron Artest's craziness. "I'd like to be colorful," Ms. Rabb said. The King's Geoff Petrie seemed open to the deal.

Perhaps the best indication that Oden tonsil auction fever is rampant are unconfirmed reports that the San Antonio Spurs are considering auctioning three days of Tony Parker's Hollywood wife, Eva Longoria. Reports are that bidding might start as high as one billion dollars. Said Greg Popovich of the Spurs, "I think that gets us Kevin Garnett."