Miami Area Dentists Rejoice!

by Lance Uppercut on Jun 21, 2006 9:10 AM PDT in News

So much to my chagrin, the walking toothache Derek Anderson "won" a championship ring with the Heat. DA has the distinction of being the only player on Miami's active roster who didn't play a single second in the NBA Finals (Game 1, Game 2, Game 3, Game 4, Game 5, and Game 6.) Hell, even Jason Kapono and Mike Doleac saw a few minutes. In fact, Derek tallied a whopping 65 minutes in almost two months of playoff basketball with the Heat. Way to earn your keep Derek.

I don't know what the rules are amongst NBA players when it comes to rocking the champ ring when you had absolutely nothing to do with the success of that team, but my guess is that DA sports the jewels a few times and then pawns it off to finance a couple root canals and those gold fronts that he's been drooling over in the window front of his dentist's office.

So in honor of Derek's good fortune (and because I don't want to devote any more thought to him that is absolutely necessary), I submit this picture for a photo caption contest:

Note the grace in which DA gets blown by on defense, and then the honor and sportsmanship that he shows by throwing a clothesline at the equally glass-jawed Vince Carter. Leave your best caption in the comments, and you're sure to win the admiration and respect from your peers that has and will forever elude Derek Anderson for as long as he shall live.

e-mail at: blazersedge@yahoo.com

Dave demands it.

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Comments

You've got to get that bicuspid looked at VC.

by Lance Uppercut on Jun 21, 2006 9:59 AM PDT reply actions

Caption

Vince Carter: Showing Derek Anderson his "oh" face

by dp @ Blazer's Edge on Jun 21, 2006 10:39 AM PDT reply actions

Caption

Damn D.A., that dentist should have given you somethin' for that breath too.

by Oldskool Mick on Jun 21, 2006 11:09 AM PDT reply actions

DA

congrats DA, i never thought i'd see the day. The Blazers are still paying him by the way. (John Nash....)

by Bassy31 on Jun 21, 2006 11:49 AM PDT reply actions

I know

DA's the second highest paid player on the Heat this year behind Shaq. I did a little math, and it turns out that DA made $16527 per minute played this season. Some guys have all the luck.

by Lance Uppercut on Jun 21, 2006 12:20 PM PDT up reply actions

yup

that just goes to show what a bad GM we had. And if Steve Patterson takes the reigns as GM, i don't expect much better....

by Bassy31 on Jun 21, 2006 3:13 PM PDT up reply actions

ok my bad

but Nash traded away D.A. for who?

"I'm from Coney Island fool, we don't play around." -Sebastian Telfiar

by Bassy31 on Jun 21, 2006 3:36 PM PDT up reply actions

nevermind

i think he released him.

"I'm from Coney Island fool, we don't play around." -Sebastian Telfiar

by Bassy31 on Jun 21, 2006 3:38 PM PDT up reply actions

Damn dawg...are you wearing Joop! on the court??

You know the rules man...and hey..don't be shy wif the Right Guard bro...

It could be worse...we could have drafted Sam Bo...uh...nevermind

by InsideTheKnow on Jun 21, 2006 4:27 PM PDT reply actions

Caption

"Having overused toothaches and injuries to get out of games, DA tries for a flagrant foul to get his favorite spot back on the bench before it gets cold."

"Vince Carter - half man, half DA's forearm."

"Portland's paying you 9 mil?! Damn, why couldn't Nash pull that trade off for me?!

by Blazerholic on Jun 21, 2006 8:30 PM PDT reply actions

factually inaccurate

It's a good caption, but everyone knows that due to the sensitivity of DA's teeth, it would be physically impossible for Derek to drink an "ice cold Zima." He'd have to be hospitalized for days.

by Lance Uppercut on Jun 26, 2006 11:30 AM PDT reply actions

DA

why so harsh on the man? He was a good player for the Blazers when he was healthy. I think people are just still upset beacause we are still paying him.

"I'm from Coney Island fool, we don't play around." -Sebastian Telfiar

by Bassy31 on Jun 26, 2006 11:40 AM PDT reply actions

not really

For one, DA was always soft. When Cheeks makes fun of your toughness, you know the guy is pathetic. Playing 70 76 games his first two seasons as a Blazer wasn't a harbinger of things to come, as he played 51 and then 47 games in subsiquent years.
DA averaged 11.87 points per game while a Blazer, not very "good" IMO. He also averaged 3.1 turnovers per game, also not "good." But you're right in the fact that most of my annomosity toward DA stems from the 9 million he contributed to the cap this year for the Blazers. If DA waived that pay, he'd probably be my favorite non-Blazer in the leauge, but that ain't gonna happen.

by Lance Uppercut on Jun 26, 2006 11:54 AM PDT up reply actions