Yeah yeah, I've heard all this jibbajab about Leonard being tossed around in the low post and all this, people walking all over him, the works. But have you seen him lately? Dude is shredded. That alone will at least help him muscle people around next season, but how can the Blazers obtain the extra edge? What is the perfect complement to bulging biceps and the like?
The answer, my fellow fans, is an eye patch.
NOTHING says "get out of my way or I'll eat you" like an eyepatch. It's the ultimate accessory for ripped, unshaven dudes everywhere. Forget signing a center. Asik? Dalembert? Lopez? Old news, brother. If Meyers wears an eyepatch, several free agents would flock to US. No more scouring he terrain for the remainders, we'd pick up a boatload of dudes for the minimum. One rule: NO CENTERS. Because if Meyers wears an eyepatch, all other centers will crumble before him.
The time is now—make Meyers wear an eyepatch for the 2013–2014 season. To help convince the fans that this is the right move, I've prepared a series of mockups for your consideration.
Thank you for listening.