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JUNK DRAWER OF LIES!!!

THIS IS THE JUNK DRAWER ONCE KNOWN AS THE TRAIL MIX and today IT IS FULL OF LIES!!!

Here is the opening text of a poem I dearly love (not a lie) by the great (also not a lie) Steven Jessie Berstein:

“The following is pure fiction / Actually, I have been handsome and popular all my life”

I'd like to applaud several other recent lies I've told and or plan to tell ... that's right: Me applauding me.

1. A huge round of applause for Luke Babbitt on his recent spread in Playgirl. It was both tasteful and erotic.

2. A "big up" to Chris McGowen for capturing PDX's minds and hearts with his warm, snuggly handling of the organization's bottom line.

3. High-fives all around for everyone in Florida for their great self-defense laws.

4. More high-fives to everyone in North Florida for just being classy people in general.

5. A pat on the butt to all my fellow Harlem residents for not being total trashers who litter like it's a sport and always put their food refuse in the trashcan so rats and stink water don't gather in the summer heat.

6. An exploding fist-bump to Anthony Wiener for turning his life around so successfully.

7. And a whole-football-team-running-through-a-big-paper-banner of excitement for Gary Coleman who isn't really dead and in fact alive and well and living on an until-now secret moon colony near the soon-to-be really-well-advised US "National" Park near the site of the Apollo Lunar Landings.

Well done, world.

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