Let me first preface this by saying that I've been reading, commenting, and voting a lot about my opinions regarding the Blazers and therefore speak with some authority on NBA talent assessment, contractual negotiations, and organizational needs/motives. My opinion is both well thought out and correct, IMO. I find that concise, 6-step outlines to team improvement are the best way to communicate our necessary off-season objectives and therefore have put together a 6-step(ception) of sorts...a 6-steps within a 6-steps, if you will. I know everyone has their own opinions about how to write 6-step team improvement plans, so please don't hate on me "downstairs", if you know what I mean. (In other words, please don't share your opinion about my opinions in the comments, or I'll be forced to get defensive). Without further adieu, my 6 steps:
1. Write A Lengthy, Irrelevant Preface:
A lengthy preface that consists of sub-par credentials, pointless rambling about what you're about to talk about, and a fearful plea for mercy in the comments is a great way to start off ANY post. However, for a 6-step plan, it's absolutely a must. (Note: If your 6-step plan involves some questionable, unrealistic maneuvers, make sure your preface includes disclaimers regarding all other possible opinions that may arise during the reading of your post. This portrays unbiased objectivity while patronizingly belittles thoughts or ideas that opposing parties may have as you've already taken their argument into consideration and subsequently decided it was wrong.)
2. Undervalue, Undervalue, Undervalue
Nothing discredits your opinion more than thinking our players have value. For far too long, we Bedgers have been overvaluing the likes of Bayless, Fernandez, Pritchard, and the like. This trend must stop immediately! In order to avoid sounding like a homer, it is important that in each step of your plan, you avoid, at all costs, this possibility for fear of public humiliation. With this in mind, make sure that the other team comes out ahead of ours at every turn.
3. Link Your Way To Credibility
Because of the infallibility of the hoopsworld.com, ESPN.com, and hoopsrumors.com opinionists, be sure to include a link to a conjecture-filled, published blog post that agrees with at least one of your six steps. Regardless of it's subjective nature, incorporating a "facty" article that corroborates with one of your steps both gives you instant credibility and makes you appear informed.
4. Shout Out To Storyteller
What up Storyteller! Your numbers are number one! (Now I have transient credibility when talking salaries.)
5. Recap Your Fear Of Disagreement
One of the most important pieces in any 6-step conclusion is recapping your fear of debate. It's important, at this point in the process, to say (or re-reference) things like, "long time reader, first time poster", "be nice in the comments", "let's keep it cordial", and "don't forget I'm terrified of people who disagree with me but I'm going to post these 6-Steps anyways in hopes that everyone in the world agrees with me".
Lastly, the 7th step in any 6-step proposal is a poll. Remember, because you control the polling options, your choices should exude enough obnoxious confidence in your proposal to elicit the would-be nice commenters to tell you how they really feel about your terrible plan and berate you, questioning your fanship and sanity while doing so.
....oh and make sure you end with "Comment below!!"...