Double Header Preview (onion style)

Just thought I'd share something fun with you guys. I live in the bay area and have some friends that I'll catch a warriors game with now and then, especially when our teams are in town. One of said friends is from Chicago. WARNING: The following quotes are totally made up, please don't sue me. It's just for fun! But the stats should be right.

Anyway, this is the faux ad/preview I sent them to hype up the weekend and juice them up about getting tickets, with minor edits for the kids. Enjoy? P.S. I'm Mr. Manchu...


From Paul
11:30 PM (21 hours ago)
to Alex, Julian, Ariel

SUBJECT: It's A Portland Weekend

Fri @ 7pm

Young blood Dame Lillard comes face to face with former MVP and resident "Why Not Me" Champion Derrick Rose for the first time ever at the raucous ROSE GARDEN moda center :(. Can the defensive minded Bulls (40% Opp. FG, 89 PTS/G) put an end to an 8 game winning streak against a red hot Trail Blazers team (46% FG, 105 PTS/G, 44% 3P)?

...AND THEN...

Sat @ 7:30pm
will defeat on the second of a back-to-back

In yet another match up in the age of regendary point guards, Dame Lillard returns to his native Oakland to face Steph Curry and the Golden State Shooter McGavins in what is being billed as the highest scoring game of the season. "Well, neither team can really play defense," lamented Coach Stotts before the game. "So it's gonna be a shoot out." The Blazers come into the game ranked 3rd and 4th in 3-pointers made and 3P%, respectively. But they'll face a Warriors team ranked 1st in both categories, backed by one of the loudest crowds in the league. The fans at Oracle Arena are always a factor, though it may not necessarily play into the home team's favor every night. "I just feel comfortable here," explained the ever-stoic Lillard. "It's my hometown, my family and my homies come out, it feels like a home game. There's even this asian dude with a fu manchu who yells like a crazy person. It's cool." Though it's hard to see the Blazers streak continue when faced with such a tough double-header, you have to like their confidence entering the weekend. And they may have one final trick up their sleeve, at least against the sharpshooting Warriors: The Trail Blazers will also come into the game ranked 1st in both Opponent 3-pointers made (52) and Opponent 3P% (29%) on the young season.

Will the 10-2 Blazers continue to prove the haters wrong? Or has the weak schedule finally caught up to them? Find out this weekend! Let's get some ****** TICKETS!

How many?

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