FanPost

White Trash Vindictiveness

My cousin Paulie set his eyes on a three-seater Renault early this year. Me, I wasn't blown away by it, and frankly I don't think Paulie was either. It was nice, clean, and Booney, who was selling it, made it sound like the coolest car on the block. But Paulie wasn't impressed enough to buy it on sight.

Then the drama started. Dave-O, from across town, told Booney he'd pay top dollar for that Renault if Paulie didn't want it. And boy, did that twist Paulie's six-pack into a bunch. I guess -- I hadn't known this before -- that Dave-O and Paulie have a little bit of history. A hottie that Paulie passed off to Dave-O had what we'll be cool by calling a "social disease," and Paulie's old flame shacked up with Dave-O just to prove she could still shake her moneymaker.

So Paulie got it into his head that he weren't, under no circumstances and for no earthly reason, gonna let Dave-O get his hands on that Renault. It got kinda crazy, really. Dave-O offered to overpay for the Renault and give Paulie first dibs on smokin' rides in the future. Paulie wasn't having any of it; the minute Dave-O said he wanted that Renault, Paulie wanted it more.

You can guess how it all turned out. Paulie ended up buying that Renault he wasn't thrilled about in the first place, just to stiff Dave-O. Dave-O ended up with nothing more than his dipstick in his hands, but felt thrilled about it because he managed to up the price on the Renault and stiff Paulie.

Me, I think they were two-headed idiots. The other guys on the block are cruising in Ferraris. Maybe Dave-O can't afford one and Paulie can't get anybody to sell him one, but they coulda worked out some kinda swap that made 'em both a bargain. Instead, they stuck to their ridiculous guns, boned each other, and sat there grinning with pride while the people across the street revved up the throttle on better cars. I guess this little feud helped distract them from knowing how utterly back-butt-wards they are compared to everyone else in the neighborhood,

At least, I hope it did, because otherwise it don't make a lick of sense. Thank jeepers only us addlepated block folks behave in such a way. I'd sure hate to see billionaires and franchise managers getting so persnickity.

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