Here's an adventurous journey from Eric Freeman of Ball Don't Lie, who pretends that former Portland Trail Blazers big man Earl Barron is actually the Earl of Barron writing a mock letter to his sister back in Great Britain after signing with the Golden State Warriors.
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I knew little of Port Land before arrival. What awaited me could best be described as a little pocket of English bliss in the midst of a den of iniquity. Lush greenery surrounded the township, all rife with fatty fowl for the hunt as far as the eye could see. The denizens of Port Land itself wore the finest in Victorian fashion and were known as "steamed punks" for their adoration of the most advanced technologies of our day.

The troupe itself was similarly delightful. The owner, Mr. Paul Allen, made his fortune in adding machines. He welcomed me aboard his leviathan leisure barge and offered me the two-hundred-and-seventy-seventh lay for the basketball season. The experience was one I shall not soon forget. Our captain, Mr. Brandon Roy, led us with poise and brio befitting an officer in the Royal Navy. (Mr. Roy's name and carriage caused me to believe him the lost Dauphin, but others claimed he hailed from a nearby Emerald City.) The only demerit of the arrangement, apart from Port Land's reliance on coffee and not tea, was the presence of the spectre of Mr. Gregory Oden, who haunted the hallways like the madwoman in the attic of Miss Charlotte Bronte's novel Jane Eyre. (Have you read this volume with Mistress Haversham? Miss Bronte is a friendly acquaintance and quite talented, perhaps even more so than her sisters Emily and Anne. I must introduce to the lovely trio upon my return.)

Sadly, this employment was cut as short as my tenures in Phoenix and Milwaukee. Upon completion of the basketballing campaign, the Association of National Basketball's owners barred their basketballers for forming a workers' union. As a man of esteem, I gladly supported the owners' enterprise and attempted to join their fight. As if controlled by a pack of sustenance farmers, union strongmen Mr. William Hunter, Esq. and Mr. Derek Fisher penalized me for my actions and prevented me from plying my trade. Disconsolate, I loafed around Port Land hoping to find work as a merchant, but had no luck.
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Barron came to training camp with the Blazers but was released after the free agent signings of Kurt Thomas, Craig Smith and Jamal Crawford created a numbers crunch. Barron was unable to beat out Chris Johnson for the fifteenth and final roster spot and was waived on December 20.

-- Ben Golliver | benjamin.golliver@gmail.com | Twitter