FanPost

Stern: Raptured Players' Contracts WON'T Come Off The Books

Here on this most marvelous of Spring days, we gather to say our last goodbyes to Christians everywhere, but especially those with a jump shot. Fabled rebounders who pray with their kids, and donate to inner city relief organizations, smiling, and waving to the crowds, while earnestly keeping their peccadilloes to a minimum, I, speaking not only as a fan, but as a human being. Well, I got to tell you, you guys are gonna be missed.    

You see, I never bought into that camel, the needle, and rich guy parable, the one about the difficulties of the wealthy procuring land in the heavenly father's fancy gated community.  I believe, and Ben Stein would agree, that you rich guys are the chosen, and that wealth in and of itself makes you better than the rest of us.. 

What concerns me though, as well as the rest of the peasantry, is that David Stern, who will undoubtedly be passed over this early evening, appears unwilling to make allowances for teams that have collected good Christians instead on the hedonistic, and the selfish. The Trail Blazers, for example, and most people don't know this,  are chock full of believers. In fact, the 'three goggles' is actually an aboriginal expression of thanks to virgin mother, and the reverse high five, to spiritual purity.

And when asked about  losing a good portion of our roster to the afterlife, Stern insists that while the players may be gone, or simply missing (as is the predictable diatribe among non-believers), their contracts still remain, and copies are available through the league office.

It's just another slap at small market franchises, and those ghost town rural communities all across this great land, because if those people weren't gone too, cousin Earl would be pitching a fit.

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