FanPost

The Upside of Poolside Advanced Metrics

When I found out my sister was having an all girls pool party I hid serendipitously on the roof.

Once the party was jumpin’ I ripped of my toga and ran across the peak of the roof hoping that my aim was solid enough to miss the concrete while trying hard to avoid dying of a broken face. And, also knowing if I could miss the concrete, at least one of these wonderful creatures would hold me in the utmost of admiration for such audacious and daring gallantry. 

 

Ooooops, wrong website…sorry.

 

But on the other hand, when my face broke through the surface of the water I took a deep breath, gathered my thoughts, and declared loudly at 96 batting eyelids - If Batum can continue to score at this rate, and Nate lets him play 48 minutes a game he will most certainly score a whopping 12,800 points per game for the rest of the season. WOOOOOOOOOT

 

"Yes, that’s right girls"  I said unflinchingly.

There are 2880 seconds per game -

But, there are 3200 ".9 seconds" per game.

4 X 3200 = 12800

…... and there was much rejoicing

 

But why stop there.

If Miller and Wesley play some D, keep stealing the ball like we know they can. No team will ever bring the ball more than 10 feet past the mid court line ever again.

 

Ok - minus out Nic’s current rate of 12 PPG and then add back in his new seaon average of 12800 PPG. Throw in 85 PPG for the rest of the team and we should land around 12885 points per game. Assuming Andre and Wesley show up big on D, the final score for each of the remaining games……

 

Blazers 12885,  opponents 0

 

Of course, you all know what happens next -

I was immediately crowned without revoke, poolside party spokesman and mascot for all eternity, time without end.

 

You can laugh at the substance of this post if you want. You might even say this could never happen in 12885 million years. But hey – it could happen. I can see it happening. Just once in my lifetime it’s possible I could miss that concrete and hit the water.

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