NBA Negotiations Re-enactment
UPDATE: I dumped all the previous updates, because Ben's front page post superseded all of them. They just seemed in the way at this point.
Here is how the negotiations are expected to go:
Stern: "Ok, I've been cleared to offer you 37% of BRI, and backstage tickets to 'Wicked'."
Hunter: "Wait, weren't we talking 50/50 last time?"
Stern: "That was never on the record, dude. And now we've lost games, so 40% is it, take it or leave it. Oh, and we'll throw in a year's supply of Rice-a-Roni".
Hunter: "Come on, I look dumb enough in public right now, I can't accept that."
Garnett: "I DESERVE MORE MONEY!"
Stern: "Hey, take it or leave it, because I'm not budging. I'm staying right at 45%. We'll even include free kittens for everyone".
Hunter: "Oooh, do we get to choose the breed?"
Jordan: "Offer 'em 25! That's all they deserve!"
Hunter: "Didn't you used to be an NBA player?"
Jordan: "I have no recollection of that."
Fisher (whispering to Stern): "Psst, dude, just offer me 50/50 and I'll get the players to take it. Ignore Hunter, everyone else does".
Hunter: "DANG IT DEREK I TOLD YOU TO KNOCK THAT OFF"
Stern: "37% is our final offer, plus each owner wants a personalized neck massage from the highest paid player on the team".
Allen: "Oh, and can we get amnesty for coaches?"
Hunter: "I'll see if the Agents will accept that. They may recommend you form your own massage train".
PS- I have no inside knowledge of Derek Fisher's relationship with David Stern. This whole account is purely fictional. Please don't sue me, Derek.