In a recent article of Dave's, he brought up the uncomfortable reality that Paul Allen will not always own the Blazers. This led me to wonder, what local aristocrat could take the reigns? Only one man has the imagination, the courage, and the dough to take on the job: Gus van Sant.

I've take the liberty of editing an excerpt from a recent interview with the Guardian to reflect GvS's secret desire to own an NBA franchise. Enjoy.

"I'm usually trying to react to what the [players] are coming up with," says Van Sant. "And then the [coaches], and then the [fans]. There's three things."

"You're following your [season], the [playoffs], your only plan, your map [to the Finals], and all the other stuff is, like, the fun stuff: the [contract negotiations], the [trade deadline], the [Draft] and [Free Agency]. They can all be variable as you like if you stick – however roughly – to the path. There are so many interesting ways in which all those elements can come together that, really, to not control it is actually easier. Thinking abstractly, outside the box, using intuition and imagination, not deduction. It's not chess-player permutations – it's organic, intuitive, vibing it out, ouija-boarding it, feeling it out, not doing it based on rational thinking."

Ladies and gentleman, I give you the future owner of the Portland Trail Blazers.