FanShot

Who's the point guard? (brought to you by the immortal comedy team, Babbitt and Przybilla!)

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Przybilla: Well Babbitt, you're going to be in Portland with me. You know Nate McMillian, the Blazer head coach? He told me I have a job as backup center for as long as he's running the team. Babbitt: Look Przybilla, if you're the veteran banger, you must know all the players. Przybilla: I certainly do. Babbitt: Well you know I've never met the guys. So you'll have to tell me their names, and then I'll know who's playing on the team. Przybilla: Oh, I'll tell you their names, but you know it seems to me they give these ball players now-a-days very peculiar names. Babbitt: You mean funny names? Przybilla: Strange names, pet names...like Catfish Outlaw... Babbitt: and that little guy named Patty, what's up with that? Przybilla: Patty Mills, yeah,well he's an Aussie. Babbitt: And his French cousin. Przybilla: Frenchy? Babbitt: Batum. Przybilla: Nico Suave. Well, let's see, we have tags on the lockers, Who's the point guard, What's the power forward, I Don't Know is the center... Babbitt: That's what I want to find out. Przybilla: I say Who's the point guard, What's the power forward, I Don't Know is the center... Babbitt: Aren't you the backbone of the team's defense? Przybilla: That's what they call me. Babbitt: You're gonna be the veteran tough guy banger? Przybilla: That's my job. Babbitt: And you don't know the fellows' names? Przybilla: Well I should. Babbitt: Well then, who's the point guard? Przybilla: Yes. Babbitt: I mean the fellow's name. Przybilla: Who. Babbitt: The guy playing point. Przybilla: Who. Babbitt: The point guard. Przybilla: Who. Babbitt: The guy playing... Przybilla: Who is the point guard! Babbitt: I'm asking YOU who's the point guard. Przybilla: That's the man's name. Babbitt: That's who's name? Przybilla: Yes. Babbitt: Well go ahead and tell me. Przybilla: That's it. Babbitt: That's who? Przybilla: Yes. PAUSE Babbitt: Look, does the team have a point guard? Przybilla: Certainly. Babbitt: Who's playing the point? Przybilla: That's right. Babbitt: When you pay off the point guard every month, who gets the money? Przybilla: His wife gets every dollar of it. Babbitt: All I'm trying to find out is the fellow's name that's playing point guard. Przybilla: Who. Babbitt: The guy that gets... Przybilla: That's it. Babbitt: Who gets the money... Przybilla: He does, sometimes. But usually his wife comes down and collects it. Babbitt: Whose wife? Przybilla: Yes. PAUSE Przybilla: What's wrong with that? Babbitt: Look, all I wanna know is when you sign up the point guard, how does he sign his name? Przybilla: Who. Babbitt: The guy. Przybilla: Who. Babbitt: How does he sign... Przybilla: That's how he signs it. Babbitt: Who? Przybilla: Yes. PAUSE Babbitt: All I'm trying to find out is what's the guy's name who's playing point guard. Przybilla: No. What is the power forward. Babbitt: I'm not asking you who's the power forward. Przybilla: Who's the point guard. Babbitt: One position at a time! Przybilla: Well, don't change the players around, that's Nate's job. Babbitt: I'm not changing nobody! Przybilla: Take it easy, rookie. Babbitt: I'm only asking you, who's the point guard? Przybilla: That's right. Babbitt: Ok. Przybilla: All right. PAUSE Babbitt: What's the guy's name who's playing point guard? Przybilla: No. What is the power forward. Babbitt: I'm not asking you who's the power forward. Przybilla: Who's the point guard. Babbitt: I don't know. Przybilla: He's the starting center (when he's healthy) but we're not talking about him. Babbitt: Now why are we talking about the center? Przybilla: Because you mentioned his name. Babbitt: If I mentioned the center's name, who did I say is starting at the 5? Przybilla: No. Who's playing point guard. Babbitt: What's playing the point have to do with it? Przybilla: What's playing the power forward. Babbitt: I don't know. Przybilla: He's the center. Babbitt: There you go, back to the center, again! PAUSE Babbitt: Would you just stay at center and don't go off it. Przybilla: I'd love to stay here, what do you want to know? Babbitt: Now who's playing center? Przybilla: Why do you insist on putting Who at center? We have enough of those, already! Babbitt: What am I putting at center? Przybilla: No. What is the power forward, and he really doesn't do that well playing center. Babbitt: You don't want who playing power forward? Przybilla: Who is the point guard, and we have plenty of power forwards, too. Babbitt: I don't know. Babbitt & Przybilla together: CENTER! PAUSE Babbitt: Look, does Nate have any assistant coaches, yet? Przybilla: As far as I know. He's working on getting a few more. Babbitt: Do you know the lead assistant's name? Przybilla: Why. Babbitt: I just thought I'd ask you. Przybilla: Well, I just thought I'd tell ya. Babbitt: Then tell me who's the lead assistant coach? Przybilla: Who's the point guard. Babbitt: I'm not...will you please stay out of the starting lineup! I want to know what's the guy's name who's gonna be the lead assistant coach? Przybilla: No, What is the power forward. Babbitt: I'm not asking you who the power forward is. Przybilla: Who's the point guard! Babbitt: I don't know. Babbitt & Przybilla together: CENTER! PAUSE Babbitt: Will you tell me the lead assistant coach's name, again? Przybilla: Why. Babbitt: Because I said so! Przybilla: Oh, he's the owner. PAUSE Babbitt: Look, does this team have a general manager that I can talk to? Przybilla: Because I said so is supposed to be working on that Babbitt: Does he know the GM's name? Przybilla: Tomorrow. Babbitt: You don't want to tell me today? Przybilla: Well, I'd like to tell you now. Babbitt: Then go ahead. Przybilla: Tomorrow! Babbitt: What time? Przybilla: What time what? Babbitt: What time tomorrow are you gonna tell me who the new GM is? Przybilla: Now listen. Who is not going to be the new GM. Babbitt: I'll break your other knee if you say who's the point guard! I want to know what's the new GM's name? Przybilla: What is the power forward. Babbitt: I don't know. Babbitt & Przybilla together: CENTER! PAUSE Babbitt: Does this team have a starting small forward? Przybilla: Certainly. Babbitt: What's his name? Przybilla: Today. Babbitt: Today, and tomorrow's the new GM. Przybilla: Now you've got it. Babbitt: Great. So we've got a couple of days to figure all of this out. PAUSE Babbitt: You know, I'm a small forward, too. Przybilla: So they tell me. Babbitt: So when Nate puts me in the game to do some fancy shooting, I'm trying to play some defense and rebound and let's say the ball randomly bounces my way. I want to throw an outlet pass to the point guard. So I catch the ball and throw it to who? Przybilla: Now that's the first thing you've said right. Babbitt: I don't even know what I'm talking about! PAUSE Przybilla: That's all you have to do. Babbitt: Is to throw the ball to the point guard. Przybilla: Yes! Babbitt: Now who's got it? Przybilla: Naturally. Babbitt: But I thought the shooting guard is called the Natural? PAUSE Babbitt: Look, if I throw the ball to the point guard, somebody's gotta get it. Now who has it? Przybilla: Naturally. Babbitt: Who, the all-star shooting guard? Przybilla: No, Who is the point guard. Babbitt: Naturally? Przybilla: No, the Natural is the shooting guard. Babbitt: So I pick up the ball and I throw it to the Natural. Przybilla: Well you could, or you could throw the ball to Who. Babbitt: Naturally. Przybilla: Yeah, they both like the rock in their hands. Babbitt: That's what I said. Przybilla: You're not saying it... Babbitt: I throw the ball to the Natural. Przybilla: Or, you can throw it to Who. Babbitt: Or to the Natural. Przybilla: Depending on who's open. Babbitt: That's what I said! Przybilla: You ask me. Babbitt: I throw the ball to who? Przybilla: Or to the Natural. Babbitt: Now you ask me. Przybilla: You throw the ball to Who? Babbitt: Or to the Natural. Przybilla: That's it. Babbitt: Same as you! Same as YOU! I throw the ball to who. Whoever it is takes the ball and throws it to What. What throws it to I Don't Know. I Don't Know throws it back to the Natural for a 3 point shot. RRRIP CITY!!! The old GM was fired by Because I said so. Why? I don't know! He's the center and I don't give a darn! Przybilla: What? Babbitt: I said I don't give a darn! Przybilla: Oh, that's our team president.