Local Wiccans Raise Maypole to Entice LeBron to Portland

(Portland) -- Portland area Wiccan covens joined together in raising a massive black maypole in Forest Park last night. They say it was all in an effort to bring LeBron James to the City of Portland.

Chanting within their sacred circle, young women wearing nothing more than Nike LeBron Signature shoes danced around bonfires and under the light of the moon. Joyous celebrants wove colored streamers round a huge pole, invoking the name "King James! King James!"

One unidentified young woman stood outside that circle. Taping the festivities on video, she claimed to have the event streaming live to LeBron's agent.

Asked about such goings on in the heart of Portland's wild areas, she said:

"This sacred rite is reserved as a celebration of spring. It is a beautiful recognition of the renewal of life, woman and man. But in this case, it's meant to get LeBron James to sign with the Blazers."

"Well, you folks are certainly going all out."

"We just want to show how much LeBron signing with the Portland Trail Blazers means to local fans. He's going to decide next week, so at this point there's no reason to hold anything back."

"Efforts made by some cities to interest LeBron have been considered, well, let's say, embarrassing."

"I wouldn't know about that. I think LeBron James and women's bodies are beautiful. And from what I hear so far, LeBron is favorably impressed with the fanbase out here." The young woman provided no further comment.

During the chilly dawn, Sword Mistress Leila Morningstar cut the circle and the invocation was complete. She was then available for questions.

BEp: Tell us, whose idea was this?

SMLM: We really arrived at this decision via consensus.

BEp: Do you think that Portland has the pieces to put together something for LeBron?

SMLM: I would like to think we do, yes.

BEp: Witches are not considered a high demographic for men's professional basketball. What are area covens looking to get out of this?

SMLM: Portland has been a great home for so many of us. We thought that giving all we have to bring LeBron to Portland was something we could do to give back. Besides, Paul Allen said we could use his skybox.

LeBron will make his final decision on July 7. Hopefully, these fair maidens gave King James something to think about.

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