FanPost

Dear Mr. Dave Deckard,

On June 6, 2010 you wrote a little essay in which you lampooned the corporate culture of the Portland Trailblazers as a "circus."  In an apparent attempt at humor, you posted a picture of a beleaguered, much unfairly harassed man with an unfortunate caption:

With the 22nd pick in the 2010 NBA Draft the Portland Trail Blazers select Mervyn Schekelbottom of DeVry. Later suckas!!!

As the head coach of DeVry's not-inconsequential basketball program and representing many from DeVry's board of directors and alumni program, I feel you owe a public apology to our much-admired point guard.  Mervyn may not seem to highfalutin folks such as yourself as anything special.  But I wouldn't trade him for all the Kresko Mundelheims in the world.  You can count on that.

Mervyn may not have the height or the body to play in your league.  He may lack the speed and skills for your "professional team." Heck, he can barely dribble the ball using both of his hands.  But you know what he's got, Mr. Deckard?  Character.  Real Moxy.  The kind of can-do attitude that brings out the best in people.  Just this last season in the Halfcourt Amateur PLayers Enrolled in Special Studies tournament (or HAPLESS), Schecky came in with two minutes left down by only 35 and really lit up the court.  He drove the lane, sometimes even with the ball, and when the University of Phoenix team let him have the basket he would purposefully bounce off them to draw the foul.  Do you have any players with that level of court awareness on your "Trail Blazer" team, Mr. Deckard?  I didn't think so.

 

Furthermore, everyone on the team thinks Schecky is really swell, and that includes the equipment manager, Pointdexter Gigglesnide.  Here's a real direct quote from an e-mail he just sent:

No one's better than that kid Melvyn at getting tough stains out.

I can guess that you're a busy man, MISTER Dave Deckard.  Running your big-time, SportsNation (TM) corporate blog and with all your fancy titles and your connections and groupies named jscot, you probably don't think you have time to do a little research and find out something more about the good name that you so recklessly befoul.  So I will end this letter and hope a glimmer of light might someday shine on your murky little blog. For shame, Mr. Deckard.  Shame on you on behalf of all the Mervyns and the Myron Hackleresers and Ruben Nembhards of the world.

Yours Etc.,

 

Hiccup Ticklebottom

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