So I told my wife I wanted to have the biggest junk possible...the kind of junk that would make the guys stare in envy and the girls say, "Oh my!" But she assured me that it's not the size of the junk that matters, rather the flair with which you employ it. So I considered quoting some great works of literature or referencing some hip new indy band lyrics, but in the end I didn't think those would make my junk any bigger. I found plenty of suggestions in my e-mail inbox but I'm kind of scared to follow through with them. Well, maybe I might try to inflate my junk with some kind of herbal concoction, but I believe that was already covered a few weeks ago. So in the end I just decided to stick a sock in my junk to make it look bigger.
On a completely unrelated note, I went to the DMV today and the lady there told me I needed an emissions test. She meant something different than I thought she meant. Now I can't go to the DMV anymore.