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Tom Penn, the truth.

     There has been a lot of speculation about the chum turned up in the wake of the Tom Penn firing. Mysterious sources quoted and re-quoted, finger pointing, guessing, and frustration. However, the truth is far more serious than anyone knew, until now.

     Tom Penn was using Paul Allen's money  to finance a bid for world domination.

 

 

     A highly-placed source in the organization says that in the last six months Penn accelerated his plot, leading him to make a huge mistake by purchasing a hollowed-out volcano base in Indonesia, using his corporate credit card.

Philvocs5_mediumBomb_medium

(Maps found in Penn's office, along with receipt for 12 million dollars, and a note asking Seth MacFarlane not to sue)

This, of course, led the Vulcans to discover his massive army of minions:

Penn_27s_army_medium

 

(Surveillance photo taken days before his firing)

 

     As if this weren't enough, there were unconfirmed reports that he had begun crossing Orcs and Goblins to create an army that could move easily in sunlight, as well as dabbling in the black art of Necromancy, possibly planning on re-animating the corpse of Tiger Woods' endorsement career. Without a doubt, the organization had to take these steps, as Penn's plans would have directly interfered with Paul Allen's own world-domination ambitions.

     The highly placed source in the organization also reported that Kevin Pritchard is suspected to have been misappropriating funds to create a massive moon-sized orbital weapons array with planetary-annihilation abilities. However, there has been nothing proven yet, and at this point the second moon in the sky above the Rose Garden is thought to be a coincidence.

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(Tom Penn shown addressing his assembled hordes of darkness)

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