FanPost

Junk Drawer 3/24 - An Open Letter To KP

Aloha KP,

This is Tom. You don’t know me and I don’t know you. I recently watched The Blind Side and I noticed that Sandra Bullock’s bootie has gotten much bigger than when she was in Love Potion No. 9. I don’t think her butt getting bigger is a bad thing, I kind of like it, do you? I wouldn’t mind spending an afternoon on her blind side.

I work the night shift, have you ever had to work the night shift? It is a really junky shift.

Did you see and hear Joe Biden drop an F-bomb yesterday to the president? After watching that Vice President mess up, I bet you’re glad you don’t have a second in command to screw things up for you.

My coworker stubbed her toe and her toenail split it right down the middle. She said it hurts and she doesn’t want to work out today. I called her a quitter and told her to suck it up.  She's going to work out now, because I motivated her.

They are showing tow-in surfing on the news. Have you ever seen that? Those son’s of birches are nuts.

I really like pizza, do you like pizza? To me, pizza is like sex, there is no such thing as bad pizza, just some pizza is better than other pizza.

My friend Mortimer saw you in an airport bar once. He said you were tall and a really good kisser. Ha ha, I’m just kidding about the kissing part, I was wondering if you were paying attention since you’ve had a lot on your mind these days.

Have you ever played gay chicken? I work with a former army guy who said the marines in Iraq play a lot of gay chicken.

Well, I guess I should wrap this up. Please write back if you can.

Your pal,

Tom

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