28. Summer League Win: The View from Oakland

Snips and clips from the Warriors' camp, plus:

• Blazer Blogger Injury Report
• Review of Eastern Conference NBA Team Blogs
• Haiku Game Review
• Fried Rice
• Blazers/Warriors Recap
• Popcorn Machine

(1)

Last Play

posted by Monta The Boss to Golden State of Mind gameday open thread

Monta beat Matthews...

Monta crossed Matthews, could have drove left for an easy layup/dunk/floater whatever. But Lee took out Monta's left by knocking down Matthews, causing Monta to take the horrible fade away...

(2)

Stylin'

posted by MLucus to Golden State of Mind gameday open thread

Monta wanted a game winning highlight with a jumpshot, not a game winning highlight with a layup or foul shots.

(3)

Portland Trailblazers 96, Golden State Warriors 95

by alleyoop, Warriors Locker

The Warriors left it all on the court last night but it just wasn't enough to pull out a road win.

Monta Ellis led the way for the Warriors in this game with 28 points, 4 rebounds, 5 assists, 3 steals and 1 blocked shot. Reggie Williams was also solid with 16 points, 6 rebounds and 3 assists in this game.

David Lee filled up the stat sheet with 13 points, 11 rebounds, 1 assist, 2 steals and 1 blocked shot against the Blazers. Dorell Wright (12 points) and Rodney Carney (10 points) each pitched in offensively for the Warriors in this game.

The Warriors are now 9-17 on the season.

(4)  Early recap.

Warriors' Rally Falls Short in Loss to Portland

By Marcus Thompson II, San Jose Mercury News

The Warriors couldn't have asked for much better of a chance.

After stinking up the Rose Garden for most of the evening, they had the ball in the hands of their star player with eight seconds left and one-point deficit. Especially on the road, just about any team would take that deal.

But guard Monta Ellis' fade-away from about 20-feet away on the right wing clanked, sending the Warriors to a 96-95 defeat.

Saturday's game seemed to be one ripe for the Warriors' to take. Sure, they were missing starting point guard Stephen Curry and starting center David Lee. But Portland was down three starters —guard Brandon Roy, small forward Nicolas Batum, and center Marcus Camby — and a key reserve in center Joel Pryzbilla.

Despite Portland's shorthanded roster, Golden State couldn't get much going. Ellis finished with 26 points on 9-for-20 shooting, to go with five assists, three steals and seven turnovers. * * *

(5)

Ragged Warriors Fall to Battered Blazers, 96-95

by Rusty Simmons, San Francisco Chronicle

The Warriors had three days between games, and they played like it had been three years since they had seen a basketball.

Portland was down to nine healthy players, and the remaining group performed as though it should have been inactive because of injuries.

It all collided Saturday night into an ugly jumble at the Rose Garden, where the Blazers beat the Warriors 96-95 in a game that was barely watchable until the score made it bearable in the final minute.

The Warriors had three chances to tie or take the lead in the final minute, but they inexplicably went to reserves Vladimir Radmanovic and Rodney Carney on two of those opportunities. * * *

(6)

Golden State Warriors 95, Portland Trail Blazers 96: Sloppy, Boring, and Bad.

by Atma Brother ONE, Golden State of Mind (SBN)

Repeat after me:

MONTA ELLIS IS NOT A POINT GUARD. HE SHOULD NOT HAVE THE BALL IN HIS HANDS AT THE END OF QUARTERS.

Thank you.

It was hilarious when various Warriors "experts" and fans were saying the loss of Baron Davis was not a big deal for the Warriors back in the summer of 2008 because Monta could step in just fine as the point guard.

It was even more hilarious when Monta reportedly threw a tantrum and threatened even more tantrums if the Warriors ignored his wishes during the summer of 2009 after his lost Moped Gate season and took a point guard in the draft.  *  *  *

Last season it became abundantly clear that whenever Ellis has the rock at the end of quarters with the time ticking one of two things are guaranteed to happen:

1) a silly turnover.

2) a silly forced shot which has no chance of going in. * * *

(7)  Revised Report

Ellis Off Mark, Warriors Lose to Trail Blazers

by Marcus Thompson II, Oakland Tribune

Down a point, on the road, eight seconds left, the ball in the hands of guard Monta Ellis.

Considering how mightily the Warriors had struggled, that was a good position to be in. But Ellis didn't make it. His 20-foot fadeaway jumper clanked, and the Warriors lost 96-95 to the Portland Trail Blazers.

"It felt good leaving my hand," Ellis said. "It wasn't a bad shot. It just didn't go down. But you know I was ready to take it. I'm supposed to knock that down. It looked good, felt good, just didn't bounce my way." * * *

The Bottom Line:

1. What a frustrating ending...

2. This has been a rough patch for our Warriors, but this is a much, much better team than its record.

3. Eventually we'll have Curry, Lee, and Biedrins all healthy at the same time, and then we'll see.

(1)

ASSOCIATED PRESS

Blazer Blogger Hit by Neck Strain; Return for Golden State "Probable"

PORTLAND, OR (AP) — Portland Trail Blazers team officials announced today that Blazers Edge sidebar columnist Tim Davenport, best known by his screen name of "timbo," was suffering from a first degree strain of his left sternocleidomastoid, suffered during last night's injury fraught romp between the Blazers and the visiting Minnesota Timberwolves.

Timbo suffered the strain when he was reclining awkwardly against the wall in bed as he typed up his game review for publication on the Portland basketball blog Blazers Edge following the conclusion of the Friday night contest.

Timbo's self-diagnosis of a strain of the left sternocleidomastoid was confirmed by team officials.

"Yep, it looks to me like he tweaked his neck pretty good there," said Blazer team trainer Jens Jayson. "Bear in mind that I'm not a doctor and I don't really know anything about neck stains, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night."

Blazer Head Coach Nat McMillions praised the injured Timbo in his post-game press conference for his "scrappiness" and "hustle."

"When you're out there writing, you've just got to make jokes," McMillions noted. "There is a lot of blahblahblah on the internet, but the bottom line is that when the opportunity presents itself, you've gotta take advantage of those humorous situations and you've gotta make jokes."

"Timbo has made a lot of jokes over the years," McMillions continued. "We know he can make jokes. Sometimes they're not very good jokes and everybody knows that Timbo can be a bit of a smartass, but we've seen him make jokes. We think he'll be able to go out there and scrap tonight and show us all some scrappy scrappiness and make some jokes."

Timbo indicated that he thought he would be able to type tonight.

"I'm just a role player, Blazers Edge can get along without me just fine," Timbo said. "But I don't want to hurt the site by posting my recap really late so I'm just going to power through and try to get things published on schedule."

When asked about how his neck felt, Timbo said, "It hurt like an [obscene emphatic] son of a [vulgar slang] earlier today. I woke up this morning and felt like [barnyard slang]. But a couple of [obscene emphatic] aspirin and I reckon I'm good to go."

Timbo's consecutive columns streak stands at 27, still short of the pre-season Las Vegas over/under of 45. *  *  *

(2)

BALD FACED LIES BY JOHN CALZONE

Time to Shake Things Up!

Hey, Dave Deckard, I'm talking to you!

I don't care about the rest of you idiots, you probably can't read anyway and even if you can you've certainly got no capacity for critical thinking since I'm still employed and you're not. Why don't you lemmings go out and mow my lawn or play video games or something? Just remember to do what I say when I give you instructions on the radio.

Now as for you, Dave Deckard.

Yes, you.

It's time to shake things up!

Who is this so-called "Timbo" bozo anyway? Do you even know? Did you even ask before he started posting and posting on the Blazers Edge sidebar, hogging all the pixels? I'll bet you don't even know what he looks like, do you?

I didn't think so.

You're just not very smart, are you?

Nope.

You're not.

Well, lucky for you I am really super smart and I am here to help save Blazers Edge from certain destruction. Do what I say and the blog will be saved, otherwise things will fall apart at the seams and nobody will ever visit the site again. You'll be finished as a blogger and a bunch of swarthy immigrants will come into your house and repossess your computer and change the name of your son.

The time has come to shake up Blazers Edge. Too many of your longtime posters are lazy, good for nothing lolligaggers. Just take a glance at the thousands and thousands of wasted words in the Junk Drawer. Those words should be put to better use. You are inefficient, Dave Deckard. Just as one example, that guy Mortimer is heading for 90,000 posts and the last time he came out of his hidey hole to make a FanPost was during the Zach Randolph era.

Would a competent blog manager allow resources to be used so inefficiently?

Not a chance.

But the worst of all is that guy Timbo. He doesn't take The Great Calzone super serious. The Great Calzone happens to be a famous and award-winning journalist with a catchy logo of his incredibly handsome visage that he uses on Twitter. And what does this so-called "Timbo" have? He's got a avatar that makes him look like he's got a mustache! Worse yet, he's always insulting The Great Calzone and The Great Calzone's caddy, J-Quick.

Why would you trust someone who looks like he might have a mustache? Nobody in the NBA would trust a guy that might have a mustache. Not the bloggers for Houston Rockets. Not the bloggers for the Lakers, that's for sure.

Wake up and smell the coffee.

Now this so-called "Timbo" who might have a mustache has told the press that he's hurt with some sort of neck thing. He uses lots of big words about it, but let me ask you this: Do you even know if Timbo has a neck? And if you do know he has a neck, did you bother to have that neck checked out before he started posting stuff on the Blazers Edge sidebar?

I didn't think so.

You really are stupid, aren't you?

Well, lucky for you the solution is simple. Shake up this blog! You need to make big, big changes. Not little changes, big changes! I'm not going to tell you what they are but we all know they need to be made, so you had better do it.

Read The Great Calzone's lips:

Shake.

Up.

This.

Blog!

The ball is in your court, Blazers Edge. It's time to clean house before your blog goes sliding into the firey maw of a lava-filled crater. Do it now or else you will force me to write another column on the same subject next week.

*   *   *

Doing these reviews all at once feels a lot like it must feel to do Cycle Oregon. After a fitful half night's sleep, it's out of the tent and back on the bike for another day of pedaling. My butt hurts...

The Rating System.

The same color-coded rating system that I created in 2009 will be used again here:

  GOLD STAR — denotes a basketball blog that is one of the standards of the genre. The blog has superior content, is frequently updated, and demonstrates a large and actively participatory readership.

  GREEN — denotes a fully healthy blog, generally featuring daily posts during the business week and producing intelligent analysis on a timely basis. 

  YELLOW — denotes an ailing blog, with a pattern of slightly sporadic posting or of posting of hastily written or somewhat insufficient material. 

  RED — denotes a seriously ill blog, with altogether insufficient coverage of the subject team. There is an occasional post, but the irregularity of new content makes regular readership unlikely.

  BLACK — denotes a dead blog, which I am defining as a publication with no new content during the first two weeks of December 2010. A dead blog is one which needs to be buried and relaunched.

Teams will be listed alphabetically by team nickname, those of the Western Conference were covered yesterday and those of the Eastern Conference appear below. In addition to the blogs of the two major networks, this year for each team I will also list one or two blogs affiliated with smaller networks (Fansided, Bloguin, RantSports) or independent of all networks. Each team's blogs will be listed in rank order according to what I believe their quality to be — best blog appearing first.

Links will be provided for each. My free time being limited, I do not read more than a few of these blogs with any regularity, and so I may be wrong about this or that particular. Please don't take anything here as gospel. This is the subjective list of one person, okay?

One final note: I am not affiliated with Blazers Edge nor do I pretend to speak for its editors, Dave Deckard and Ben Golliver. I am rather just a reader and frequent poster here. I formerly wrote for Silver Screen and Roll, with which I was formally affiliated until my resignation on Nov. 20, 2009. I feel that my parting was on good terms, I like them, read them, and often post there as a reader. I am currently banned from two of the following blogs, Blog-a-Bull (SBN) and Celtics Blog (SBN), the former very deservedly and the latter because the moderators are stupid. I will make an effort not to let any of these circumstances affect my analysis of those digital publications. 

PART 2: EASTERN CONFERENCE   (Bobcats to Knicks)

Bobcats

Bobcats Planet (independent) - Since the Blazers only play half as many games against the Eastern Conference, I don't see the eastern blogs as frequently. This one was a revelation — an independent blog that clearly tops the "majors"... Bobcats Planet calls itself the "#1 Charlotte Bobcats Fansite" and I am not going to dispute that. Multiple voices on the mainpage, witty and able to take the innumerable bodyblows which will be dealt the franchise during the long season. Here's their take on a recent 33 point drubbing by the Grizzlies: "Memphis is the greatest team ever assembled. That's a fact. I only watch the Bobcats, you see, and I hear Boston is good, but they only beat the Bobcats by 31, so Memphis is 2 points better. That's how it works." The blog started way back in June 2006 and somehow managed to retain its independence when everybody and their dog came toodling to the two fattiecakes blog networks. They've got a message board and a chat room and a well-maintained archives section, the whole works. Very impressive.

Rufus on Fire (SBN) — Does Charlotte even have an NBA team? Oh, I guess they do... I just don't get how Rufus on Fire editor David A. Arnott does it. A year ago he was the only editor and writer of this blog and that's still the case. How does one maintain such energy and enthusiasm for a crappy team for so long? It's baffling. Regardless, David is a machine, bringing his readers timely previews and recaps and miscellaneous NBA commentary. Arnott's prose is of quality, he's a realistic observer of the home team and the NBA circus. Visually, this looks like a standard issue SBN blog — they all look like they came out of the same blog machine, which probably helps the bosses sell advertisers on the idea that they are paying for access to 8 million visitors to a homogenous product. Daily traffic is up a little this year, sitting in the 1200-1500 visitor range.

Queen City Hoops (TrueHoop) — I really like one aspect of this blog in particular — a wide content section with no wasted space and ultra-clean typography. This is a one man blog by a guy named Brett. Previews and recaps and recaps and previews, oh my. Excellent use of tables, very lacking in graphics. This makes for a solid statistical resource, but it is hard to imagine many others becoming "hooked" into an internet community. Brett needs to take what is good about the site and to make it prettier. He also needs help in the content-creation department. Basketball blogs are not a single person job.

Bucks

Brew Hoop (SBN) — Generic previews, well done recaps, and sufficient additional content to keep an audience hooked. It makes for a nice blog. Two names on the masthead, three writers on the page — sufficient to keep the new material coming, I reckon. The blog seems to be picking up a little momentum as the season progresses, up from sub-1000 traffic levels to floating in the 1200 to 1300 visitor zone lately. Frank Madden's writing is fine, but this is ultimately pretty much a by-the-numbers SBN team blog in the final analysis. It needs to take that next step.

Bucksketball (TrueHoop) — Last year I bitched about the small size of the type, this year I see that it is fixed. Baby steps. Bucksketball is a one-person blog featuring the writing of Jeremy Schmidt. Schmidt's recaps are concise and informed, oriented towards statistics rather than humorous free association — he's a big believer in Offensive and Defensive Efficiency, in particular. Site navigation is idiosyncratic but not unmanageable once one gets the hang of it. Some video, few graphics.

Bulls

By the Horns (True Hoop) — I've likened Matt McHale and his By the Horns blog to Dave of Blazers Edge. Matt is a serious basketball guy with an ability to deliver triple dollops of accurate analysis in a soothing manner. The mainpage content section is a narrow one, which makes Matt's lengthy treatises seem even longer. The use of video is fairly heavy, the use of graphics more or less non-existant — not my preference, but it might be yours. If Blog-a-Bull is a houseparty with your beer swilling buddies from work, By the Horns is an intelligent conversation with your neighbor across the street. Choose.

Blog-a-Bull (SBN) —  No sense trying to top myself: "Can a blog earn a gold star merely for having a consistently nasty and entertaining Gameday Open Thread? Why yes, yes it can! The filthy-mouthed haters that populate the game threads at BaB reign supreme in their malicious meanness. They hate their [obscene emphatic] owner. They hate their [obscene emphatic] coach, who is nothing but a [obscene emphatic] [crude barnyard expression] with his [vulgar slang term] jammed so far up his [obscene emphatic] [crude anatomical slang] that it's no wonder he coaches standing up... That's not all... They also hate their star player. In fact, they hate all the starters. They hate the key acquisitions from last year that got them in the playoffs. They hate their emerging big man. They hate their coveted backup Point Guard. And don't get them started about the OTHER team! I'm not sure what would happen if the Bulls didn't suck — BaB would be a whole lot less funny, for sure. Still, the game threads, with their full and unfettered pottymouthed rudeness, their unbridled and unchastized malice and hatred towards their own team, their unrestrained group chainsaw massacring of trolls, are so consistently AWESOME that nothing else even matters..." This year we will find out if the haters can handle success. Daily traffic is floating in the 5500 to 6500 range, up over 50% from a year ago.

Cavaliers

Cavs: The Blog  (TrueHoop) — John Krolik is still at it with his mighty one-man show, bringing recaps of Cav losses and links to the blogosphere to the people. Krolik makes use of lots of graphics and includes random music videos, so how can I of all people complain about that? His blogging gig ain't as fun as the LBJ years though, that much is clear: "Unless something crazy happens (and something crazy can always happen) the Cavs have three good chances to get a win before 2011. Friday's game against the Pacers is one of those chances. Let's hope the Cavs show up." Good luck with that.

Fear the Sword  (SBN) — Fear the Sword is not a happy place these days. The so-called Chosen One has chosen to go elsewhere, leaving basketball fans across Northern Ohio with a 10 game losing streak and a very bitter taste in their mouth, be it venom or bile. John Bena the Cavs blogger and his project march onwards into the valley of death with their previews and recaps, hoping against hope that Lebron James goes Tiger Woods in the spotlight or gets David Lee syndrome on his nose or something. It's an SBN blog, so you know what you're getting. The sidebar is stalled and the traffic hovers in the middle-5 digits on most days ending in the word "—day."

Celtics

Celtics Blog (SBN) — Last year I made the somewhat surprising announcement to the Blazers Edge faithful that BE was NOT the most heavily trafficked blog in Sports Blog Nation basketball land — that honor, rather, belonged to the cleverly named Celtics Blog. (Think about it, if you were gonna Google search a blog about the Boston Celtics, what would you type in?) Things are real close now, but it looks to me like BE is a nose ahead these days, with 4 days over the 20,000 mark in the past week compared to just 2 for Celtics Blog. Regardless, this is the premier Boston Celtics blog, with more writers listed on the masthead than many blogs have posters. The site has not only the usual full complement of preview and recaps and additional topical articles, but a very active message board as well. BE has the Junk Drawer that's where the Garnett-lovers do their thing, it would seem. Good writing and fulsome coverage of the most loathsome franchise in professional sports.

Celtics Hub (TrueHoop) — If Celtics Blog is meat and potatoes and vegetables, Celtics Hub is a tasty side-salad with just the right amount of dressing. Beautiful graphics and they don't try to be what they aren't. You're more apt to find injury analysis or an essay on Big Baby's jumpers than you are to find a 7th of 9 Celtics recaps. That's a good call. The dinner analogy is a good one, by the way — if for whatever reason you have the ability to choke down Celtic cuisine, be sure to order a salad to go with that.

Hawks

Hoopinion (TrueHoop) — They've still got the big white page going in the way of layout. I've likened Hoopinion's layout to the plain Google startup screen — sterile and cold or clean and businesslike, depending on your preferences. This blog is super good in the content department, with a propensity to use tables and graphs and an almost neurotic aversion to the use of graphics, lest some color other than black, white, or grey taint the screen. Still, in a world where about half the blogs look like McDonalds hamburgers due to the rigid SBN software and most of the other half are dedicated for the most part to boring previews and lengthy recaps, it is nice to see a site that not only looks different but FEELS different. I see where Bret Lagree is going with this thing.

Peachtree Hoops (SBN) — SBN with a twist: BIG photographs on the mainpage with immediate jumps to content. The Peachtree peeps, Kris Willis and Jason Walker, do game previews followed by two recaps — a quicky right after the end of action, followed by a more extensive review the next morning, after the smoke of battle has cleared. There is some writing above and beyond this, but with a two man crew bailing water throughout the 82 game season, additional content is lighter that it could or probably should be. The previews act as the Gameday Open Threads, which typically bring several hundred comments. The count of daily visitors averages around 1000 of late, with occasional spikes upwards.

Heat

Heat Index (TrueHoop) — TrueHoop understands where their bread is buttered, that's for damned sure. LBJ and Chris Bosh to join the circus in Miami? Hasta la vista, little Miami Heat blog — in come the heavy hitters for the newly minted major league franchise in Miami. Heat Index isn't a blog as much as it is a collection-point for gathering the hyperventilating All Heat All the Time prose of the ESPN pros. Here we see the work of Kevin Arnovitz, Tom Haberstroh, Brian Windhorst, and anybody else cashing a check from Mr. Mouse who wants to jump on the bandwagon, which is now packed tighter than a dinghy of Haitian refugees. (Too early for that metaphor? Sorry.) This so-called blog pretty much encapsulates everything that is disgusting about big-time sports journalism in America. Visit five real team blogs, then stop here. Still, if you're going to pick one out of three of these Heat publications to read, this is the logical first stop. The pros really can write, after all, 'cuz they've got something The Kids are missing — access to the stars.

Peninsula is Mightier (SBN) — This was a one man show last season, now it's up to three. This crew could doubtlessly stand a couple more bodies, given the enormity of the soap opera that has suddenly descended upon South Beach. SBN's generic software does this blog no favors, but the content doesn't exactly constitute an artistic reach either: preview, game thread, recap, analysis. There is nothing skewed about this blog, it's a neat little box with four sharp corners and all the coloring between the lines. Add a couple screwballs to the staff, that would be my prediction. There are lots of crazy zoo animals running around in Miami, let's get this party started! Traffic is in the 1900 to 2000 range on average, it would seem, a healthy three-fold increase from the levels of last year. Gee, I wonder why.

Hot Hot Hoops (Independent) — Hot Hot Hoops was a member of the ESPN TrueHoop network from its founding in June 2009, but beginning in October 2010 it declared its independence and went on its merry way. It's a two man gam concentrating on previews and recaps. A nice enough layout although the content bar needs to be significantly wider. Delivery is often based around the use bullets and is thus very readable but tends to occasional vapidity.

Knicks

Buckets Over Broadway (Fansided) — This two man game, wasting few words on boring previews and doing a very nice job on interesting recaps. Graphics are used profusely. The writing is informed and interesting. One would think with a team this interesting in a media center this massive, there would be room for one truly definitive example of the blogging art. This is vanilla, but in comparison to coconut swirl or an empty ice cream carton, I'll take vanilla, thank you very much.

KnickerBlogger (TrueHoop)  — Another site with a radical "ultra-small footprint" layout, a particularly superficial rendition, at that. While the content of this grizzled grandpa of the basketball blogging world strikes me as somewhat superior to what was being foisted twelve months hence, it still isn't warming my cockles. There are a multiplicity of voices, and that's for the good, but content is devoid of graphics - an uninviting pool of black type, often hooked together in overlong paragraphs. I guess my primary objections are more with the presentation than the actual content, but that doesn't change the fact that this blog misses the mark for me in a big way.

Posting and Toasting (SBN) — Okay, I like participating Gameday Open Threads as much as the next guy, maybe more. But when your entire blog is nothing but Pregame Open Threads, Gameday Part 1, Gameday Part 2, and a little fluff around the edges, what you have isn't a blog, it's a message board. Seth and the boys have gone off the tracks, in my estimation. THIS IS NEW YORK CITY, THE MEDIA CAPITAL OF THE UNIVERSE — ACT LIKE IT!!! There should be big time, pro caliber game recaps and analysis and feature stories on the subjects of the media circus. Instead: weeny open threads. In the immortal words of Gob Bluth: "COME ON!!!"

I'm out of gas and the html code is getting squirrelly, I'll finish this later...

*   *   *

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Lots of new faces

Back and forth chasing the ball

Too bad they can't play

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Here's some more wackiness from the twisted tongue of goofy Uncle Mike...

Rice thinks other people are up to speed on his goofy stats...

"Nate is yelling 'Go Go Go Go!' He knows the stat that if you get to 100 points against this team, you beat them."

My thoughts exactly, Ricey...

"Mills and Babbitt go into the ball game. Eeeew."

MB is looking out for the community...

"If you have children in the room, hide their eyes. Rejoin us at halftime."

A Rudy basket is overturned... Good call MB and Rice agree. Nate wants to know what they saw on the replay...

Rice: "I didn't want to be a bad guy and tell them that the referees didn't make the right call."

MB: "That could be the first time that you've told the truth when the coaches ask about a call. You usually try to stir things up...."

Back and forth out of control inept turnover idiocy neatly summarized:

"It looks like a hockey game!"

Rice talking trash to Terry Porter about which one of them gets a 10-day contract from the injury-riddled Blazers...

"I rebounded when I played — your next rebound will be your first!"

Rice holds Patty to a high standard when he misses a free throw...

"You can't do that if you're a guy from St. Mary's who can make foul shots!"

During a commecial break "the Blazer dancers were doing their thing," MB assures us...

(Shaking female flesh...)

Rice: "Are those new outfits?"

MB: "I don't know, I don't notice such things, I'm a married man. Now it's time for the Coors Light Freeze Play. Why don't you concentrate on this, Coach Rice, it's more your speed."

Game 28.

Warriors 95 at Blazers 96 .

December 18, 2010.

Blazers' record is now 14-14, the Warriors are 9-17.

I'm gonna do this thing Dillinger style, with a hail of bullets...

• Camby out, Pryzzy out, Nico out, Dante with the start for Portland. Good thing it's against the Warriors, that's all I have to say.
• Four missed bunnies at the rim in one possession before the Warriors finally score — so much for winning the rebounding battle tonight. And so much for their shooting percentage...
• Fortunately for Portland, 7-foot Warrior Center Andris Biedrins is out after having twisted an ankle. We've got a Las Vegas Summer League game ahead of us, sports fans...
• Ha ha, I just realized that I forgot to mention that Brandon Roy is out, too. I seriously was sitting there trying to figure out who else was missing from the list and it suddenly dawned on me...  I guess that's what The Octopus would call "writing off a troubled asset."
• Great news, HDTV viewers: David Lee is wearing a black patch over the hole in his elbow. They had a picture of that on TBJ; blech, pretty nauseating. On the positive side of the equation, if he ever flops out of the NBA, a lucrative career awaits him as a diamond smuggler.
• Refs were whistle happy, assuring an Adam Babbitt appearance in our future. Ugh.
• Sean Marks with a stupid bounce pass to Rudy in traffic in the paint. What's lower than "Low BB IQ" — "Basketball Retardation"??? That was Portland's 4th turnover in a thoroughly ugly first quarter.
• Mills + Matthews + Babbitt + LMA + Marks is the lineup at the 3:00 mark. That's almost enough to bring me to Jesus or to get me playing harmonica so I can write blues songs. 
• Babbitt is not afraid to shoot. Unfortunately for Portland, he is really, really bad at it. He quickly goes 0-for-3.
• The Aussie with a svelte truck-and-trailer to the Kiwi for the jam. That's some kind of a first. I have a stat for Rice to use on Monday: "Portland is NUMBER ONE in the NBA in backboard assists between Australasian players."
• END OF THE FIRST QUARTER: PDX 21, GSW 18.
• Marks hits a 20 foot jumper. MB and Rice agree that it is something that he "can do." Well, obviously.
• Adam Babbitt is thoroughly worthless. I'm sure his mama loves him though.
• I have no clue how MB can say the inept rebounder Babbitt "plays a little 4," unless "4" is some sort of Urban Dictionary code word that's gonna get me banned from the Bedge for repeating it. Hmmm, I'd better check... OH. MY. GOD. Daaaaaaang...

Four

Referring to the making, pouring, or drinking of "Syrup", which is a mix of pop and promethazine with codeine. "Syrup" induces a very slow paced "high" such as the movements of a turtle. "Syrup" may be referred to as "Purple Drank" or "Sizzurp" which is a mix of pop, promethazine with codeine, and crushed up oxycontins. To recap, if someone says pour me a four, well than you know what they mean.

• Wow, I had no idea that MB was so up on drug lingo. That's kind of scary, if you think about it. He looks so clean cut, votes Republican, family guy... And now this!
• Wesley with a technical foul at the 5:17 mark for getting on a ref. "I know he's talking but that doesn't mean the ref has to listen," Rice opines.
• Andre with his crafty little high-stepping drives down the lane reminds me of the moves put on by the Grambling drum major.
• Portland shooting 51% of the field and maintaining a little lead at the final commercial break of the half.
• Portland with a 5-on-1 break at the 1 minute mark. They actually converted. Who says this team is worse than it was during the Steve Blake years?
• Andre with the PG version of posterization of Monta Ellis in the last possession, with an open court steal and layin. Hilarious!
• HALFTIME SCORE: PDX 51, GSW 42.

Halftime Entertainment: Iggy Pop "I'm Loose"  (live)

• Rudy goes under a pick and Monta Ellis drains a wide open trey. Rice assures us that was the game plan.
• Blazer lead goes to double digits at 9:45 when Dante splits a pair from the line.
• Brandon selling the voice activation features of a Ford truck: "You just talk to it and it does whatever you say." Sounds like an ideal vehicle for him.
• Great graphic shows that LMA shooting 87% 0 to 5 feet in his last two games, 20-for-23.
• David Lee's free throw style looks a lot like Joakim Noah. That's not good.
• Portland up 15 points and turns the ball over. MB starts a mega-whine. We should call him "Two Buck Chuck."
• Portland scores again and the bawling stops.
• Another turnover and Golden State scores again. Again Chuck starts whining. Has he not ever watched basketball before? I seriously wonder.
• Come to think of it, maybe Ernest & Julio would be better names for Mike & Mike...
• Adam Babbitt gets a "what a mess" out of MB on a doubly botched miss under the rim. But Patty gets to the line.
• END OF THE THIRD QUARTER: PDX 74, GSW 65.
• LMA back with 10:12 on the clock as Babbitt breaks ice with an AND ONE free throw.
• Patty showing a little moxy hitting a wide-open trey with 23 seconds on the shot clock and then a pretty jumper. The Octopus will be tweeting tonight.
• The Warriors have Acey; too bad we didn't still have Travis. Then we could see who'd win a matchup between Law and Outlaw.
• Blazers up by 12 at the first commercial. The nervous strain in MB's voice is finally beginning to abate. I wonder whether that guy could potty train a puppy or whether he'd have a nervous breakdown...
• Portland up by 8 points midway through the period and Chuck is sobbing again about the "long gone" 15 point Portland lead.
• Monta Ellis back just inside of the 5 minute mark.
• Blazers went into their patented Prevent Offense, trying to run out the clock with a small lead. Fortunately, Golden State bailed out Portland with a foul. LMA split 'em, which is gonna become a new verb called lamarcusing before we know it.
• Monta Ellis doesn't lamarcus his shots when he gets them and the lead is 6 with 3:30. The Blazers screw up on the other end and Carney drains a trey for the Warriors to make it a 3 point game with 3:00 to play. Mike Barrett soils his armor.
• Two minutes left, two point game.
• Dante cuts the lane and loses the handle. Ugly. Radmanovic misses an open 3. LMA catches one in the paint and gets fouled. Preparations for lamarcusing begin. Yep, no doubt, LMA again folds under pressure like a $2 umbrella... CLANK!!! He splits 'em. I seriously think we're on to something with this word.
• Chinese fire drill with Wesley overpassing the Blazers into a turnover. On the other end Ellis is fouled and calmly drains a pair with 33.5 seconds remaining. He's reeeeeeeal good. One point game. Time out Portland.
• Rice calls for Andre to drive and dish. Andre takes the inbounds pass and holds. Wesley gets capped and its out of bounds with 3 on the clock. LMA fires a bomb, around and out. Golden State rebounds and calls time, now going for the win, 8 seconds to play.
• Ellis fakes Wesley out of his socks, causing him to crash into David Lee. Both go to the floor. Instead of driving the lane, Ellis chucks a 20 footer. It clanks off, Rudy rebounds, and the Blazers escape with their lives.
• FINAL SCORE: PORTLAND SUMMER LEAGUERS 96, GOLDEN STATE SUMMER LEAGUERS 95.

Now MB can breathe again. He also needs a few minutes during the postgame commercials to go and change his armor.

"I don't know how any of this stuff works, but I'm pretty sure this is where the strength comes from." 

                                                                                                                               —Brandon Roy, mechanic. selling us a truck

Let's take at this thang graphically, shall we?

Well, we've finally got some colorful pictures to look at... Wanna see? CLICK THE LINK...

A. Six Blazers  were in double-figures scoring in a game which didn't even break 100 points. That's pretty impressive.

B. I guess LMA was the Center, wasn't he? He was lucky to only have played 41 minutes, given the predicament with Camby and Pryz out...

C. Luke Babbitt was team high in Plus/Minus for Portland at +3. Use the Plus/Minus numbers with caution, my friends.

D. Proof positive that Armon Johnson is deep in Nate's doghouse: on a night with only 9 players available, Armon saw action for 1.6 minutes.

E. Portland took its big lead with a 16-6 run at the end of the 2nd Quarter, which was starters, then just about lost it in a finish marred by an 18-6 Warrior run, which was starters. Who ya gonna blame?

F. LMA finished 17 and 12. Now if he'd just learn to make his Free Throws...