A Fresh Take On Blazers Basketball

So I had my girlfriend, a newly minted blazers fan, watch the Mavericks game tonight and write up a post game analysis.  Her email, entirely unbiased and uniquely lucid reveals our basketball team in its essence.  Hilarity and keen observation make this a MUST READ.

i typed up my observations on my notepad because i was going to make them into something - like a video with my comments or something more cohesive but then top chef masters came on and i've been watching it with my dad - its our "thing" - so here are my brief thoughts. I realized when I was watching today that I really don't know anything about what's going on and I can't articulate my feelings at all and it's really annoying so I don't think I'll be doing this again anytime soon.

When I tuned in, it seemed as if the Blazers feel like they're trapped in a torture chamber. I think it's a feeling that is spreading from Brandon Roy to everyone else.

When the Blazers are doing well, it seems like they do what I see other teams doing – all the players want to get the ball and make passes or baskets. But when the Blazers aren't doing well, it seems like no one wants the ball and they just quickly throw it to whoever they can to get rid of it. That makes me feel sad. And when they're doing well it looks like they're having fun and loving each other. When they're doing poorly it looks like they all just want to quit the NBA and go somewhere to die peacefully. But they should be wanting to try hard all the time. That is why the more optimistic guys should get to play more.

The Blazers do seem to be better at getting rebounds when they try to make the baskets themselves than the teams I've seen them play. Offensive rebounds? But I think it would be better if they just made the baskets in the first place. Or maybe that's the strategy. Instead of passing it to people by the basket or running closer to the basket, they just shoot unrealistic shots from far away and hope someone on their team that is standing by the basket will get it and put it in.

Sometimes it seems like we just need one or two people on the court to get a little energy and then everyone else sort of gets into it. I think Wesley is good at it and sometimes Andre Miller and Batum goes both ways. And today something happened to LaMarcus and then everyone also got really inspired. I think Nate needs to put in these peppier guys more. I like that little Patty guy because it seems like he has some spunk. I think the team does a lot better when they have the more plucky and enthusiastic guys. Otherwise the whole team is in Brandon Bummersville. And then I heard at the end that he only made 4 points!! I once made fun of a British World Cup announcer for mentioning the virtues of a player's “optimism” on the field, but I think it is a valid point when talking about the Blazers.

Sometimes it seems like things are working pretty well and everybody is getting on the same page and starting to sparkle and then Nate makes some of them switch for other guys. I am trying to understand why that happens. Some of the guys that get switched out a lot seem like they don't want to try to make baskets as much.

I think LaMarcus did a great job overall today in the second half because I saw him getting free throws and making other baskets. And he was trying to make a lot of baskets from right under the basket, which I understand to be a good thing and also probably why he got to make foul baskets. He looked like he was having a good time and not like he wanted to kill himself, like some of the other guys.

It was really cute how the ESPN announcers were clearly rooting for the Blazers the whole time, because that's how I feel too.

I think it should feel like your team is doing well because of your coach, not in spite of him. But it seems like Nate always does the most annoying things! Not giving the guys on the bench (my dad just told me it's the bench when I asked him what the “not main guys” were called) enough of a chance to get into a “groove” (something that I just learned was real, but can now clearly see). I want to learn more about like “plays” and defense and stuff because I feel like he is also making annoying decisions in those areas but I just don't know enough to say for sure.