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Bill Simmons writes... ------------------------------------ Before the season, the Rip City Soccer...

Bill Simmons writes... ------------------------------------ Before the season, the Rip City Soccer Moms bullied me into picking them for 52 wins. I sipped their Kool-Aid, mainly because they were holding my head back and pouring it down my throat, but still. I even spent $1 on Wesley Matthews in my fantasy auction as an olive branch for infuriating Blazers fans by making fun of his absolutely absurd $34 million contract. And you know what? That's what killed their season! They needed my barbs! They needed my unwavering disbelief in their team! They needed me to write things like, "The Celtics passed on Brandon Roy in 2006 because they didn't think his knees would hold up -- maybe they were right," and "If the Blazers had extended Nate McMillan's contract last summer, he would have managed Roy's minutes more carefully instead of running him into the ground," and "I'm fine with calling Nicolas Batum a defensive specialist as long as you add that he also specializes in getting torched by Kevin Durant," and "Aaron Spelling didn't overrate his daughter's acting more than Blazers fans overrated Rudy Fernandez," and "Let's face it: the comparisons of Oden to Sam Bowie are actually an insult to Bowie at this point." Rip City, you'll be lucky to break .500. And you know it. (My work is done here, Blazers fans. Enjoy your 14-game winning streak and your Ewing Theory run without Roy.) ------------------------------------ -- Ben Golliver | benjamin.golliver@gmail.com | Twitter
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