It has been rumored that Gubernatorial candidate Chris Dudley, formerly of the Portland Trail Blazers has decided to pull his name out of the Governor's race and resume his career with the center strapped team. In an effort to sway Blazer fans from both political parties to his future candidacy, Dudley is offering to rescue his former team from the grips of a stunning predicament.
With fourth string center Jeff Pendergraph becoming the latest injury to beset the troubled franchise, word has traveled throughout the league that the position is cursed. Whispers of the Bowie Curse are keeping would-be players from even returning calls of new Blazer GM Rich Cho. Rather than admit the Curse has caused Eric Dampier to flee screaming like a scared little girl, Cho stated that the player was already headed somewhere else.
It appears Dudley believes he is immune to the curse since he played many years for the team without major injury.
Although Cho has not commented on Dudley's offer, there are reports that he has been in contact with professional exorcists, voodoo practitioners, wiccans, lycans, vampires, and zombies in an effort to find a cure to the curse. Harry Potter reportedly is scheduled to be flown in early next week to take a crack at it. Failing that, it appears he's willing to turn the team into zombies in an effort to get them to play through any injury. One would expect that he plans on using the fast, Steve Nash-like zombies rather than the slow, Eddy Curry-like zombies. It is hoped that with the addition of the fast zombies, a faster tempo might finally be achieved as well. Nate McMillan said that if the zombies can defend with scrap (not eating the opponent), there would be more opportunities for fast break points. Strangely, the robot Nate kept repeating that phrase over and over. Paul Allen was last seen heading to the coach's office with a laptop mumbling about programming errors and switching Mc(Millan) to a Mac.
Stay tuned for late-breaking updates.