Marketing Boost (the view from the NBA flagship store)

I’ll do it.

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Bedgers, it is I, Doom, speaking from the future. Surprisingly our team is nearly entact from way back in 2010. I can’t say too much but I can let you in on a little of what’s going on. President Nader said it would be okay.

Point Guards: Andre Miller is still here. He grew the fro back but bigger, so much bigger. He says he’ll stop when it’s bigger than a basketball. Bayless is here. We call him Taz now mostly because of the movies though. Sergio is back and the Spanish Connection is known the world over. An entire religion is founded based on it.

Off Guards: B Roy started a controversy by refusing all All-Star selections stating, “everyone on this team is an All-Star, why single me out”. There is so much I’d love to tell you about Rudy and his charity work but I’m going to tell you the most surprising… he’s voted sexiest man alive AND best stand up act for his "a night with Rudy’ at Carnagie Hall.

Centers: Oden: His early injuries are mearly a footnote or looked upon as the time before Odenium darkness fell upon the league. Philosifers speculate, could a duplicate Oden stop Oden and vice versa? Prizbilla was taken in the Seattle Expansion Draft but was happy to have one two rings before departing. Arveckio Sabonis is our back up center. Turns out Sabas had a secret child who trained in the mountains with bolders to become the best passing big man the world has ever seen.

Small Forwards: Webster is here. He’s a superstar and a super model. Nic Brugato took his wifes name. The constant debate is, who is the better defender Web or Bru? There is no real way to answer but it’s still the most debated question on the freeweb. Dante C plays both Pro basketball and NFL football for the Expansion Portland Saber Tooth Tigers. Psst, place modest bets on the Seattle Seahawks for the next three years to win it all. You didn’t hear that from me.

Power forwards: LMA is still called soft. Not because he fears contact but because his jumper is as soft as a babies bottom. Best selling video game is called LaMarcus Unleashed. He wins an Oscar for his work in Othello… Unleashed. Penderbeast, legal name change, now broadcasts during the games even while playing on the court. His insights rival his rebounding is one of the sayings on the sides of the solar busses.

Nate is struck by lightning and becomes part cyborg. Though not allowed to play anymore after that one year as it’s deemed extra unfair, his coaching 101 chip not only makes us the best coached team ever, but his coaching style is the new model for the united nations. Peace rains.

Another fun fact is that who starts is based on free throws. Miss a free throw, move to the end of the bench for next game.

Some headlines that might interest you, "Can the Trailblazers win 82 games in one season? Should the Trailblazers be broken up?… you know for reals this time? (Congress stopped all former attempts) David Stern is put in jail after admitting to aiding the Lakers in the 90’s and tens. He is later let out because so few remember the time before L.A. became Clipper town. The Lakers now play in Bakersfield.

But I’ve said to much. Better get back and watch the historic ten o’clock game against the Wizards. Truly a great day to be a Blazer.