So this one time in the Junk drawer...
...A somewhat minor character in the land of Sedge set out to create the mandatory daily repository of inane blather called The Junk Drawer (mainly 'cause he had some inane blather to put in it). The day was August 29th 2008. It was in the depths of the summer doldrums and the topic was very mundane (some tripe about about how awesome it was that football season had started..arrg). So it comes as no suprise that there was not much response.It was obvious that it wasn't a world beater of a JD....no question at all..... but much to this poster's dismay it became the model of futility ...the least commented of all the JD's in the HISTORY of junk. The poster in question was of course .....92wastheyear. 92wastheyear just hoped that this indignity would just fade into obscurity...alas that was never to be.
First a little background info about 92wastheyear. You see he was still new to the community that was the BLedge...and more than anything he wanted to be like that mythic smart-ass god of the internet....the esteemed...immortal.....TominHawaii. That being said, it was almost inevitable what came next. A few dayslater The great Tominhawaii ....92's hero...role-model..muse..whatever...mentioned 92 in one of comments!!! 92, breathless with excitement, began to read the comment.....Oh no!!! It read: "Remember when 92wastheyear had a junk drawer with only 35 comments?"92 was horrified! His hero not only knew about the 35 comment debacle (some weird internet thingy caused it to drop to 34), but actually was pointing it out to everyone!!! oh the shame almost too much to bear!! 92 did the only thing he could ...and made some quip about it being "a slow time of the year" and slunk off to lick his wounds. But as he lay in a fetal position, randomly pecking at his keyboard from time to time in an effort to appear lifelike...relief came from an unlikely source ....Bow4Meow! B4M made a random comment to the effect the this horrible JD was actually good...his thinking was that the unbeleivably bad JD was in fact sooo good that nothing else could be added by having a bunch of comments...it was perfection as is!! Of course this was a load of crap, but it gave 92 an idea....an idea that would take a long time to pull off....but just audacious enough that evenTom would chuckle with delight at the sheer ballsy-ness of it.
The plan was this....92 would consistantly use self deprecating humour regarding the JD whenever it was mentioned (and sometimes even when it wasn't) and Bow4 would defend it!! This in turn would grow 92's stature within the BEdge community.Everytime it was mentioned, the legend grew larger and larger until it was known throughout the cyber neighborhood known as the Junk Drawer. It shouldn't have worked (and wouldn't have either) without Bow's persistance and (I suspect) the guiding hand of Annthefan. But it did....It worked to perfection!! But as 92's fame grew ....so did another's jealousy.
Next came the now infamous actions of March 22, 2009....that started a chain of events that even 92 was unable to control.
A poster with the now record breaking name of Engineer Scotty watched the acsent of 92wastheyear with first scorn and then ...envy!! Scotty came up with a plan to steal the limelight ....a diabolical plan! He would post camoflaged JD drawer on the slowest ....most distracted day of the BLedge calander...March 22nd! This would insure that he would then hold the least commented Junk Drawer record ....and have all the glory therein....to himself. And whether you agree this was honorable or not, he certainly didn't deserve what happened next. You see...one person ...and one person alone..saw through his scheme.... Annthefan!
We may never know exactly what happened to Engineer Scotty, but we know one thing for sure ...Ann liked 92. No one quite knows why....maybe she liked the twinkle in his blues eyes ...or maybe he dropped a rakish "+92" on one her radical left-wing comments...either way, An like 92 and....Scotty was never to be seen again. All we know for sure is that Ann was the last one to see him alive.....and the record breaking Junk went unseen as well....that is..until today.
I am 92wastheyear ....and I am, in fact, glad to be out from under the weight of that horrible record ...and I would have gladly handed it off to Scotty...if he were only here to take it. As for Ann ....I can't blame her for what she did ....I cause feelings in others they, themselves don't understand. However ....there is one thing I have to tell her....Ann....if you can hear me....Tom is blameless. He was put up to posting yesterdays junk, and thus exposing your secret. If you must wreck vengence.....wreck it on Broyposse and his running dog Cablinasian...for they are truly to blame.
Your friend always, 92