Bayless' summer game: Pass? Drive? or Other?
Summer classes are just now ending and the students are filtering back into town and getting ready for the upcoming school year. It's Friday night and Jerryd Bayless, who is about to enter his junior year in college, is dressed to impress and out on the prowl. He has been practicing his smile in the mirror all summer long and thinks that he is ready to win-over a few fans. While his buddies were vacationing in Cabo he was at home honing his skills and prepping his game. Tonight is going to be the night that Jerryd makes it happen.
He makes his way over to a friends off-campus house party and is ready to get into the action. He just needs one shot at the big time and he knows that he can be productive.
Blondie at 9' O'clock, he moves up slowly, weaving through traffic and making his way towards the goal.
"Hey there" he says as he finally reaches her side, "I'm Jerryd, I play basketball, what's your name hot stuff?"
"Heather, and I hate basketball" she replies before turning a cold shoulder
Denied at the rim, he turns away towards the crowd, looking for another chance to score. Nobody will stop Jerryd tonight, he thinks to himself, it's my time to show what I can do.
Brunette at 4 O'clock, he makes his way towards the bar area. She is taller and a little larger than the other girls and he wonders to himself whether or not she could D him up.
"Hey baby, your lookin fine, " he says while flashing his game-winning smile, "Have you ever been crossed over?"
"I ain't your baby and I only date men with normal sized arms" she says before turning and boxing out the nearest plate of chicken wings.
Damn, Jerryd is 0 for 2 and is starting to get mad. These opponents are a lot tougher than I thought they would be. He is angry, but not discouraged. He will not stop fighting till the game is over and he is holding the trophy above his head.
Redhead at 2 O'Clock. She looks like someone that he can shoot over and he likes his chances as he sizes up her defensive stance.
"Hey hot stuff," he says with a devilish look in his eyes "I was lookin at you from over there and I'm likin what I see. How come you're over here all by yourself in the corner babe?"
"Oh yeah?... you like what you see, do ya?" she responds in a sarcastic tone, "well, maybe you should get your vision checked buddy cuz I am not alone. This here is my boyfriend Hal, the defensive lineman and this is his friend Ox the local MMA champ."
Double teamed and dejected, Jerryd moves away as quick as he can. Backpedaling, he makes his way to the other side of the room and tries to spot friendly faces in the crowd. Ten minutes go by and still no luck, he decides to go upstairs to check out the scene on the balcony.
11 O'clock, Jerryd spies a beautiful black haired woman who looks vaguely familiar. He moves closer to her and sees that it's Connie from his accounting class, the one that his roommate Greg has a crush on.
"Hey Connie, how are you tonight?" he says before taking a sip from his lemonade. "What are you doing up here all by yourself?"
"Oh, hey Jerryd!!!" Connie says with a huge smile on her face. "It's so good to see someone that I know! I was afraid that I would be all alone tonight. I just hate to be alone."
BINGO! Jerryd has a clean look at the cup and suddenly wonders if Connie knows how to handle the pill. He takes a deep breath, gathering his thoughts, wondering how exactly he is going to do this, but knowing that his game is tight and that he will be the one to make it happen, because he is the one, he can do it and nobody can stop Jerryd Bay ...
"Hey guys, what's up?" a deep male voice from behind suddenly breaks his thoughts. "I hope I am not interrupting anything, what are you kids up to?"
Jerryd's roommate Greg has finally made his appearance and his timing could not have been worse. Jerryd was just about to make it happen, this was Jerryd's time. He thought he had a clean look, but now all of a sudden his teammate is out on the break with him.
"Jerryd was just about to keep me company" Connie says as she looks Jerryd deep in the eyes. "Weren't you hun?"
dilemmas, dilemmas... should he pass?...should he defer to the man with the easier shot at the goal?...Set up his teammate for the score?...or should he force his way to the bucket and dunk it, or draw the foul?...
... think, Jerryd, think!... what to do, Think Jerryd, (am I thinking too much?)...what to do.... pass? shoot? drive?...what to do... think Jerryd.....what.... to..... do.....?
"By the way Jerryd," Greg says in a deep voice, "If anybody asks, you were never here"
20 recs |
20 comments
Comments
A confusing parable
But then again, I’m easily confused.
by baduk on Jul 17, 2009 11:34 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs
Just a bit of silliness really
I was bored and just felt like writing something silly and playing around a little bit in Photoshop. I suppose the point I was getting at is that in reality Jerryd and Greg should both still be in college chasing after girls and also that Jerryd thinks too much and just needs to act instinctively.
by MadN on Jul 17, 2009 11:52 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
LOL great.
B.S. Liberal Studies OSU '06
Trade for Gerald Wallace!!
by TyboOSU on Jul 18, 2009 12:05 AM PDT reply actions 0 recs
this was amazing
possible future entries:
Travis – to shoot or to shoot?
Oden – try to get rim checked or blocked or travel?
Rudy – to woo women with his looks or men by his game on the court?
Woof
by Charles Barkley McLovin on Jul 18, 2009 12:10 AM PDT reply actions 0 recs
to be fair, oden traveling with the ball significantly declined over the season as well as getting the ball stripped
"There are a few teams you have to watch out for in the fourth quarter."
"Yeah, but Portland definitely is not one of them."
-New Orleans Hornets broadcasters at the end of the third quarter with the Hornets leading 74-59. Portland later ends up winning 97-89.
"They don't mind him shooting that shot at all. Rudy Fernandez is not that great of a 3pt shooter."
-New Orleans Hornets broadcasters right after a Rudy Fernandez missed 3pter. Rudy Fernandez finished the game with three 3pters on six attempts.
by Tofu Anonymous on Jul 18, 2009 12:30 AM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
Signifigant is a bit strong a word, but he did seem to get better with that.
I was really aghast at how often he had it stripped or knocked away when he collected himself for a dunk.
B.S. Liberal Studies OSU '06
Trade for Gerald Wallace!!
by TyboOSU on Jul 18, 2009 1:00 AM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
This was funny
except for the part when J-Bay gets a clean look at her cup and wonders if she knows how to handle the pill. That made Jerryd sound like a roofieing fratboy.
The Michael Ruffin of BlazersEdge, cuz Amlmart said so.
by BlazersOrBust on Jul 18, 2009 6:30 AM PDT reply actions 0 recs
yeah... I guess it kinda does...
although this bit of tom-foolery is kinda-sorta supposed to be a parallel universe where Jerryd and Greg are still in college rather than having the weight of Blazerdom on their shoulders. What your suggesting is a parallel universe where Jerryd and Greg are actors in the hit comedy “The Hangover”.
Just so that I don’t come off as accusing Jerryd of being a fratboy, my reference to “the pill” still means what it has always meant; a slang term for a basketball as well as the common name for a widely used female contraceptive developed by Gregory Pincus by request from Margaret Sanger and funded by Katherine McCormick.
by MadN on Jul 18, 2009 10:26 AM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
I thought it was hilarious also
I clearly should have communicated that as well. Kudos for the clever post.
The Michael Ruffin of BlazersEdge, cuz Amlmart said so.
by BlazersOrBust on Jul 18, 2009 3:38 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
The picture is brilliant
rec for the photoshop..
by Docproc on Jul 18, 2009 8:35 AM PDT reply actions 0 recs
“By the way Jerryd,” Greg says in a deep voice, “If anybody asks, you were never here”
haha
bayless leaves over my dead body
by thomasikehara on Jul 18, 2009 9:59 AM PDT reply actions 0 recs
"I ain't your baby and I only date men with normal sized arms" she says
Priceless commentary. Deffinately rec this post!
It's Brandon Roy's world and we're only renting space We don’t like him—we’re only on his side so he doesn’t dunk on us in front of our co-workers, wives, girlfriends, mistresses and children.
-Correction It’s B Rex’s world and Brandon’s just keeping it warm until The Coming
by OhOhOden
by SandyTrailBlazer on Jul 18, 2009 10:39 AM PDT reply actions 0 recs
I guess we just have to pray
Jerryd magically one day wakes up with the ability to mix scoring & distribution without turning the ball over at a high rate.
Patience :)
by TheGreatDane17 on Jul 18, 2009 10:58 AM PDT reply actions 0 recs
It's interesting how split people are on the poll
calling him a polarizing figure is very true
by Illmatic88 on Jul 18, 2009 4:20 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs
Really funny
Somewhere there is someone so PC that they will find this offensive.
by southern oregon on Jul 18, 2009 4:21 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs
I sure hope so
Any blog with a movie poster of House Party has to be just a little bit saucy… it just has to be…. right?
by MadN on Jul 18, 2009 8:56 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
OMFG most awesome post in the history of posts
Head Cheerleader of the official Matty I Fan Club
"Forgiveness is between them and God. It's my job to arrange the meeting."- Man on Fire
by Davone_Is_BessT on Jul 19, 2009 12:34 AM PDT reply actions 1 recs
I hate to admit it
But ditto
"Life is a meaningless sequence of events in between Blazer championships"
by broggerboy19 on Jul 19, 2009 2:50 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

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