You Own the Blazers

I stop all this “amicable” negotiation garbage and give Brandon whatever the hell he wants, not next week, not in 2 weeks, but NOW.

Then, who knows. Everything else is secondary to that one act.

Oh and sure, I dig the sweet pad in Hawaii idea, too.

:)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chris_King_(sportscaster)

Wrap Roy and LA up for 5 years.
Sign Brandon Bass.
Trade Blake and Outlaw for Hinrich.

I would learn everything I could from KP, Nate, Tom and the rest and then start throwing in my two sense when I got comfortable with what I learned. I would definitely travel with the team and sit courtside (lost revenue be damned) at every game.

OH wait, my prayers have been answered.

I’m thinking more WWE Divas with a dash of XFL cheerleaders. I would also like to make arrangements for me to live in Hawaii and have the Blazers training camp and summer league here.

1.) The classic Blazer logo would be reinstated.

2.) Headbands would be allowed. Afros would be encouraged.

3.) I would pressure Nike for a copy of the infamous Lebron dunk. I would then post it on youtube.

4.) I would do whatever it took to get Devin Harris into a Blazer uniform.

First and foremost, I’d need to hire upper mangement.

Chief Executive Officer (i.e., an experienced business operator and figurative First Mate.)
Chief Operating Officer (i.e., a team president to run day-to-day operations.)
Chief Legal Officer (i.e., general counsel who’s a lawyer.)
Chief Financial Officer (i.e., an accountant wizard to crunch numbers.)
Chief Marketing Officer (i.e., someone to run the sales & marketing department.)

At that point, I’d hire middle management. The most important of which, however, is who’s Vice President of Basketball Operations. Well, I’d employ none other than myself.

Y’all know what I’d do in that position, though, so there’s no need to rehash it.

real fans sit courtside and the people who want to pay gobs of money for tickets can have luxury boxes in the upper levels.

Basically, much cheaper seats

1. Clean house regarding the comcast contract and insure that everyone who wants to watch every Blazers game can watch them.

2. Lobby the league office for a reordering of the NW division. I mean really, it’s a little awkward to say the least. I know you said nothing beyond your control, but I’d throw what weight I had into this.

3. Build a closer relationship with Nike to raise the national profile of Blazer Star players. At this point Roy.

4. Throw a ton of cash at one championship, and then milk it for another thirty years. Just kidding…

1. Sign Roy and LMA to deals. Forget the cost.
2. Get Bass and/or Hinrich, willing to give up Outlaw or Blake to get them, possibly both.
3. Take out a HUGE billboard next to the Staples Center advertising the Blazers.
4. Replace the stat boards at the RG with new ones.
5. Hire the Schonz to replace Luftman. He can’t/doesn’t want to travel but halftime should be fun.

Nate: He’s “young”. He’s good. He’s mine. 3(4tm) yrs. 22(30) mil. (no cap space for coaches)

Roster: Given what’s happened: KP… if there is anything else..?

I let KP work his magic. Lame, I know. But PA has proved incompetent before, and I’m much less thinking good than Pritchard.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
Trade for Kirk Hinrich.

I would travel with the team
I would learn as much as possible and make the team my number 1 priority
I would make sure I took great care of my Blazer and Rosegarden employees, making sure that they enjoyed working for the organization. (lots of comp tickets for games and concerts)
I would buy an NHL team
I would work very hard to try and get either Harris or Rondo in a Blazer Uni. (I realize it may not be possible but I’d be willing to give up possibly three of anyone out side of the big three and Batum)
I would be very active in the community focusing on schools, people of poverty and the homeless.
I would bring back the flame barrels for introductions

and most importantly I would do two girls at once.

I’d invest heavily in building a tall, sturdy fence around Portland and then the entire state of Oregon to make sure Paul Allen can’t come back. If he’s persistent we can always dome the whole state over. It’d keep those pesky Californians out too.

I’d use my weather machine (we all know every billionaire has at least one) to bribe Rick Adelman or Coach K to come to Portland and win some rings.

Next would be a reproduction of the great CalTech Rose Bowl prank ( http://www.museumofhoaxes.com/hoax/Hoaxipedia/Great_Rose_Bowl_Hoax/ ) at the Staples Center. The details can be ironed out later. I’d also “tip” a ball boy to stuff bouillon cubes in the home teams shower heads. Seeing Kobe cry to the media after a home loss is good, but seeing him do it after a steaming hot chicken broth shower is better.

As for the Blazers, they’re fine without me. Sign everybody long-term, bring in Millsap, win games. That’s the easy part.

This will be an odd thread…

I don’t think this will be quite what you imagined.

Day 1: Buy the Staples Center and burn it down. Dance around the flames. (Alternative plan if that is too violent: Convert it into an indoor botanic garden)
Day 2: Buy the Team That Shall Not Be Named and move it back to Seattle. Give it a budget to renovate the Key Arena.
Day 3: Have the two teams play each other for my viewing pleasure. Promote Rebecca to be the boss of Mike and Mike (whatever position that is) if she agrees to burn all Denver-colored outfits she owns.
Day 4: Take the rest of the week off on my private ranch in British Columbia (or maybe New Zealand, but I don’t like long flights) to strategize with KP and Presti what to do next with my two new teams. Maybe suggest a trade of Travis for Durant.

I with you Dave about making Nate the number 1 priority.
I think the strength of the current crop is that they have mostly been Blazers since being drafted.
The exceptions are Pryz and Blake – but they are not the future.
They have chosen guys that have confident humility (Brandon epitomizes this) and have done things right.
I think they should throw Bayless and Martell/Batum in the deep end this year. Bayless will be an All-Star someday – I just hope he’s still a Blazer. Brandon and LA have grown because they have been given the time to. Bayless has all the talent – remember what he did over in New Jersey last season.
It was good to hear Nate say today that he would be happy to have the guards they already have going into the season.
My playing roster:

Bayless / Blake
Roy / Fernandez
Webster / Batum
Aldridge / Outlaw
Oden / Pryzbilla

I am super happy with that rotation.
Maybe Mr Alan is already doing exactly what I’d do too.

I make all the wrong moves thinking they are the right moves; run the team into the ground; and I’m cased out of town by 300,000 screaming fans hurling pitchforks, improvised firebombs and unmentionable nastiness at me. I retain ownership but turn the team over to the readers of BlazersEdge, who make all the wrong moves thinking they are the right moves; run the team further into the ground and chase themselves out of town. They vote to give some kid named Kevin Pritchard the top job. He makes all the right moves that Dick Vitel and Steven A. Smith think are the wrong moves, turns the team around, and i (as owner) walk away with a fist full of championship rings.

I’d have lots of cheerleaders. I might even get a few more for the team.

I’d buy a ferrari and a harem, get so drunk I would forget my name.

I would give Roy and Aldridge what they want first for $ and length of contract.

I would also insist that KP and Bayno and all the Pritchslap gang sign 1 billion year contracts to stay with the Blazers, Sea-Org Scientology style.

Then I would travel. Everywhere. From the end of the all-star break on through the end of the finals I’d stay in Portland to watch the team but I’d travel the rest of the time. Catch a good game live once in a while (opening night etc.)

I’d talk with KP first of all, he’d be the only one with a chance to change my mind about firing McMillan and signing a coach who would play team oriented ball with a well defined style.

Then I’d buy a team in Spain and buy my way into the ACB and use it to sign all our overseas players and rising stars. That way they could develop with the same well defined style and be ready ASAP for the Blazers, and there won’t be any problems with buyouts and that kind of stuff. That can be a little expensive, but would help the Blazers a lot in the long run.

After blowing a mil or so the first weekend to get it out of my system….then I’d tell my wife.
Since my BB IQ is even less than Travis’s, I’d make sure KP is happy and staying and then have a couple beers with him, letting him know that I would be a good owner….interested, want to win, etc – but not a stupid owner. Then, in no particular order…
Buy the downtown 20K SF condo.
Figure out a way to keep BRoy and Rudy on the floor at the same time.
Buy a villa at Encore Las Vegas that was exclusively for guys only weekends. This would also be a good place to “seal the deal” for trades and free agents.
I’d make sure the employees were super happy. Probably set-up some kind of longevity reward sysytem.
Since i basically love the team now, I’d make choices that would help it move up to the next level. Right now I’d like a seasoned vet with play-off experience as a back-up PF, and a hard-ass enforcer – Buck Williams type guy somewhere in the line-up. Martell could focus on being a 3pt specialist off the bench.
I like Nate, but I would not try to seal him up for life. I’d want one asst that would help Nate get more creative.
I like the idea of the Blazer Dancers doing a private audition with the owner. Maybe we could do that in the Las Vegas villa.
I’d do something about the damned blimp. First of all, it can’t go up in the 300 level so all the really good fans never get a chance at the free tickets and other things it drops. Let’s also have a “blimp blast” at half time. At every game, one lucky fan gets a chance to shoot down the blimp. It could be like a pinata full of goodies that would reign down on fans.
Other halftime entertainment…..the fat kid would win the halfcourt shot free car complete with his choice of Blazer dancer first date.
Every game would have 1000 tickets with a barcode that gave free food items. You did not know it until they scanned your ticket at the gate.
Speaking of food, no more $10 beer or $7 dogs.
Make sure that fan favs – the Blazer hippie, the black lady dancer, and the old guy dancer are at every game. I loved the game that the old guy came out on the floor and was part of the dance routine.
Be good to the community as the community is damn good to the Blazers.

id have all the classic uni’s back in rotation, the ones with the lower case lettering, ala the pre switch Clyde/Terry team, and then particularly the classic Championship Year uni’s with the vertical b l a z e r s…
then, as stated by others, SIGN ROY to the max, SIGN LA to close to max.

…but mainly, throwback jerseys… like every week. seriously.

 I’d keep the roster the same, tweeking as needed.
As a reader of this board, I am amazed that we thing we are on the cusp of a championship when we have just now become a playoff team. Batum, Rudy, Oden, Bayless and Martel all have yet to reach their peak and we don’t know how high their ceilings will be. Claver could be the next Turkoglu? I let those things play themselves out. I sign both LA and Roy to as long and as lucrative contracts as I can. I’d like a lock down defender at point, and if Bayless can’t rise to that, then I start looking. I see Blake as our Steve Kerr/John Paxon. He gets fewer minutes and when he does play, Roy is still the main ball handler, which is kind of like it is now. If Batum doesn’t morph into Scottie Pippen (has anyone not noticed that their games are similar?) then I make a move for a three. But I love my team right now.
Lastly, I do whatever it takes to keep KP and Nate.

You know, things wouldn’t change much I I were Paul, except that their would be one less stupid tourist attraction in Seattle.

With my first wish, I would wish for unlimited wishes.

Next July 4th, I would have a Memorial Coliseum implosion/fireworks extravaganza in the Rose Quarter that would rival the show in New York Harbor.

Then I would build an iconic AAA baseball stadium at the Memorial Coliseum site that could be expanded to MLB specs in 10-15 years when MLB allows me to buy an expansion franchise.

Then we would have six parades a year in Portland:

1. Opening Day of Baseball season (April)
2. Starlight Parade (May)
3. Rose Parade (early June)
4. NBA Championship parade (mid June)
5. MLB World Series victory parade (mid October)
6. Opening day of Basketball season (late October)

Oh, and I’d build an iconic 5,000 seat arena/meeting facility on the Portland State University campus and bankroll their hoop team so it would become the next Gonzaga.

We can’t afford extensions for Roy and Aldridge, so my GM needs to choose between them in order to avoid tax payments. In order to sell out in three years’ time at a profit, we’ll need to keep salary in line and field a reasonably competitive team at the same time. I’ll use letting Aldridge go as a level to extort a brand new arena from the state. That way the asset will accrue value.

Welcome to the real world, kiddos. Enjoy Paul Allen while you have him.

Actually, real suggestion:
I immediately announce that the team will take the D-League seriously as a developmental tool. Our wholly-owned franchise will become an expected rite of passage, even for high picks like Bayless, in order to get them playing time their first year, and they will need to earn themselves the promotion. We’re going to get ahead of the league in this respect, and have a competitive advantage similar to the one the St. Louis Cardinals had when they invented the baseball farm system. In the next CBA I will be pushing for provisions that allow more flexible assignment of players to D-league teams, including the elimination of the two-year limit.

(’scuse the typo)

1. I would fund an action/adventure/comedy movie starring Travis Outlaw as a bumbling superhero.

2. I would buy the internet and then sell it on e-bay.

3. I would paint a giant eyeball on the roof of the rose garden.

4. I would sign Shav to a max contract…simply to stir up the entire league.

5. I would grow a proper beard, and if I couldn’t, I’d pay somebody to do it for me.

6. The team gets renamed: The Froobwazziteers.

the general manager. Like AK, I am going to hire the absolute best people to run my business and then I’ll sit back and enjoy. They’ll let me offer my suggestions but will not be yes-men/women.

I will make the Rose Garden the best arena with the best amenities and the cheapest seats. I will make my management team listen to the fans about what they want for in-house entertainment (keeping it family friendly.) I will devise a ticketing system that prevents scalping. I will reserve at least 500 seats per game to be dealt out to people who do not have season’s tickets. I will also reserve an equal number of seats for underprivileged kids and make sure those kids get fed and get a jersey (or other apparel) of their choice and a meet & greet with the team.

Jerseys, etc. will be priced incredibly low so we can blanket the town with them. Everyone who wants to can sport Blazer colors via subsidies, contests, etc.

Portland fans will be the envy of every sports fan in the nation. Free Agents will be fighting among themselves to come to play for us. I will hire feral to implement his plan for our use of the D-League. My name will be bandied about as a replacement for David Too-Stern. (Sorry Adam Silver, but you can be Deputy-for-Life.)

There will be an endowment fund for the RG so it will never be necessary to rename it The Charmin Garden.

Astronomy and water slides…..and basketball (such a surprise with that one). Or is the big telescope for spying on chicks?

1. Fire Comcast

2. Insist that Nate field a much faster team to take advantage of our speedy young players. Fire him if he’s incapable or unwilling to achieve that goal.

3. Trade for Stephen Curry.

4. Move into the Rose Garden Penthouse for the season.

5. Sign Joel to a lifetime contract

6. Make Roy president of basketball operations and promote him for the city Mayor position with the US presidency in mind for later.

But if i’m going to have all that extra.

Frankly, I wouldn’t do anything drastic with the blazer. I’d spend that week getting to know the team, the individuals running it behind the scenes, the people up front. I’d want to know how everyone functioned what analysis they used. I’d ask questions about decisions made or not made and what the real purposes/hopes of various moves were.

These people know basketball and how to run the business. I’d want to listen to their thoughts and suggestions and then simply have them convince me that the direction they’re going would achieve a ring. I’d simply put myself down as the last person they had to convince and insist that they give me risk assessments of acting or not acting.

Also, if I had unlimited funding (as my widget should keep earning money assuming it’s consumable and that copyright prevents duplication), I’d likely fix that comcast deal or find a way to break it. That deal and comcast’s attitude just burns me up.

I’d also make sure that the rose garden was ALWAYS the rose garden. I’d find other means to make that cash up. Marketing partnerships and so on. I’d find ways to reach out to other fans across the nation and world. not new ones, but the ones that already exist. After all, those existing fans are some of the best marketers around. You better believe people in my company in salt lake city knew and were talking about the blazers at play-off time and actually watched them.

I’d talk to stern about his stupid online viewing black-outs. if NBA TV is blacked out then the people that it’s blacked out for should enable online viewing as well and NBA TV could provide the link. Frankly I think that’d help the nba because it’s snag in more legal viewers instead of people refusing to invest due to the fact that half the frigging games are blacked out and I suspect there are many who’d only tune in to watch their own team. At least… they might start that way, but then they’d branch out a little because it’s easy access. I know this is 100% true of me at the moment, and I doubt I’m the only one.

Then I’d toss my million bucks at the non-family friendly thing while I traveled the world. I’d buy expensive toys so I could always be online and in contact and I’d make sure my widgets ran without me while i made money. I’d watch the blazers and do a lot of hiking/climbing/skiing/exploring of people, culture, and places I’d never been.

I’d also travel to Blizzard and slap those !#$%#% programmers that like to be @#%!# to players of the game with stupid events like fire catching (which is pretty easy to do in the exodar if your latency isn’t crap, but do it in stormwind…. ugh.) and seriously bugged out jousting which is easy when you get the hang of it… except it’s bugged like crazy and targeting keep turning off and just annoying to do in the first place even if it is easy.

I’d also pay to have a few nights on the space station with my million bucks. I’m sure I could work out some deals with some video distribution companies for a tape of that, which would help pay for the trip as I don’t believe that currently exists yet and I’m positive more people than myself are just plain curious. hmmm… The gym and training and getting in shape would obviously ALSO be required for the space flight. I clean up alright when i’m in good shape.

I suppose that’s about it. I wouldn’t attempt to micro manage the blazer organization, but simply assist in continuing the culture, making sure money moves were good investments. After all, the greatest risk with a new person coming in is that they think they know best and then they kill a good thing. I might sometime veto decisions, but I’d have a pretty darn good reason for doing so and I’d sell my reason.

Still, i think i’d just need a million bucks.

Free beer to people who ride their bikes to the game.

More bicycle parking

replace the Chalupas with something local

put a cell phone tower at the top of the RG so my texts will actually go through during a game

way more drummers during the games

parades, parades , parades

Verticle lettering in old school font

sign Chris Paul!

The 1st thing I’d do is root out whomever in the organization is responsible for overselling Greg Oden last season, lying about Bayless and Oden working out this summer, and who decided that asinine memo about Darius should be mailed out to the other NBA GMs and I’d fire him/her/them quietly.

Next, I’d work tirelessly to end this stupid Comcast sportsnet debacle so my freakin fans could watch my team play.

Next, I’d eliminate the stunt team and hire the death drummers that were at the Phoenix game last year full time at every game. Tee shirt guns are lame, and I won’t be a party to them.

Then, I’d fire Mark Mason and find a PA announcer who sounds more like Darth Vader.

After that, I’d fire Wheels and hire a play by play guy who isn’t a homer and doesn’t sound like they are going to have a heart attack every other moment.

Last but not least, I’d lock up Brandon Roy for as long as possible for as much as possible, and give LMA something along the lines of 11mil a year if not a little more. I guess I’d green light the Hinrich deal too, even though it’s not much of an upgrade.

Other things I’d work on: finding a useful purpose for the Memorial Colosseum, such as implode it.

Trade Brandon Roy for Anthony Roberson, Greg Oden for Aaron Gray, and Joel Pryzbilla for Taj Gibson. Then, I’d sell the team to Clay Bennett.

I would be hands off with the personal and team stuff.
Instead:
Go back to the 70’s uni’s, including the short shorts.

Get rid of all the music/noise at the Rose Garden (Team introductions would be set against a horns section, like some kind of war of old). The atmosphere would be a strange mix of silence and crowd driven rage, depending on the action.

Tear out all 100 and 200 level seats—Standing room only.

1 dollar PBR man cans; and a beer garden outside, for people without tickets who want to be apart of the scene.

1. Wait and see on Coach Nate contract – I want to see that he can be a veteran/contender coach as well as a great talent developer..

2. Get rid of the Blazer Dancers – Portland is about the game, not simulated strip-teases.

3. a. Tear down Memorial Coliseum one night when no one is looking.
    b. Buy part or all of the Timbers and use my money to make sure they have the best players (not biggest names) possible.

4. In KP I’d Trust

5. Buy Newcastle United, get them back to the premiership, and beat up on Steve Nash’s Tottenham.

6. Ditch Comcast deal and make sure everyone, everywhere can see Blazers games live.

There would be one or two general admission sections in the 100 level
I would turn the volume and frequency of noise coming out of the PA system WAY down
No more Jr Blazer Dancers
Blaze gets put out to pasture – maybe a symbolic community oriented role
For a new mascot, I borrow an idea from the Timbers, and have our guy wield a chainsaw
I hear Paul Allen’s mom lives in the RG. She gets to stay, but takes on the role of symbolic team matriarch

Listening to his phone calls, reading his emails/texts over his shoulder. For a guy reportedly on his phone that much, so many fun things to overhear. I just wonder how the GMs can all talk to each other so often. I think it would be great to just know every thing he has in the works.

The Rose Garden would have the best everything. Especially score/stat boards. Also it would be the greenest arena possible.

The player introductions would be waaaay way better. Dont know the PA guy, but if he can’t learn to stretch out every syllable them I’m getting someone who can. LMA has one of the best NBA intro names ever, lay into it please. Props for doing Batum in french though, sweet.

Hire local bands to play as a replacement to piped in noise. Like in Basketball but all local, and appealing to as many people as possible.

That water park sounds about right.

1. Renegotiate the Comcast deal. The current one is evil and wrong, giving a malicious corporation too much power over who can see Blazers games.
2. Guarantee ticket prices will always be the lowest standard prices in the NBA.
3. Respect franchise players, and honor commitments made by players to the team when it wasn’t up and coming like it is now.
4. Don’t tamper with the front office – let KP do his job, he seems to be pretty good at it.

/endthread

1. Keep the Management Team intact, and rely on their advice to maintain a good team.
2. Price tickets based on a) Fandomonium level, and b) seating level (i.e. fans like Darth Blazer and the face-paint-Rasta-wig guy get cheaper ticket prices for their seats vs. Mr. high-level executive in a suit buying tickets for business use; FANS get cheaper tix!)
3. Renovate the RG to add another level of seating, and more luxury boxes for sponsors and use for FREE b-day events for fans. (Also, make sure the “blimp” (that looks more like a chubby car) can reach ALL fans, not just the ones that can afford more than a $20 ticket)
4. Scoreboards have to be updated. Took them long enough to renovate the jumbotron.
5. Liquidate the Jr. Blazer Dancers, for reasons mentioned above. No more letting pedo’s oggle at teen girls training for jobs at strip clubs.
6. Courtside seats reserved for 2 sections mid-court for me and all my Bedge friends (you all have to take turns)
7. Record Mark Mason’s intros for each player, use them for intros, but get new arena voice.
8. Sign Roy and LMA to max contracts. Make Roy’s bigger than A-Rod’s.
9. Buy posh Pearl “Street of Dreams” condo sight unseen; use for wooing potential FA’s.
10. Make team most accessible team in the NBA on and off the court (Do what the Jax did; 4 team players for autograph and photo session after each game)
11. Get rid of Blaze; get cooler mascot.
12. Develop non-MC portion of RQ to enhance business and nightlife in Portland.
13. Re-open “Blazers on Broadway”.
14. Lower concession prices by 1/2 or more ($7 hot dogs? Puh-leaze)
15. Buy large house in SE Portland; convert 3/4 of house into free youth hostel.
16. Force Comcast into a deal with Dish/DirecTV by buying Comcast and merging it with Charter.
17. Lower prices on boxes for games, because $2,500/game is outrageous.

That’s a good start I think. Thoughts?