these NSFW sites that are hilarious.
the first is a site that consists of forwarded messages from people’s phones recounting “odd” behavior.

The next site is about terrible things that happen to people (many are made up) in the form of “Today, something awful happened, eff my life”.

I believe the word is schadenfreude

is this the same girl you were talking about just the other day?

Except I always forget how to spell embarrass, and I am a 7 time 2nd place Spelling Bee guy and 1 time winner. Not national or state wide big time spelling bees, just the-school-I-am-at spelling bees.

Ok, I got one, sometimes stuff I’ve created creatively that is really awful makes me cringe sumthin’ fierce… especially early stuff from when I was but a boy.

I dunno. I’m pretty consistently cool, what can I say.

Mortirad

just to see how it felt.

anyone else seen it yet?

I know of a couple on Prom night who got totally wasted at an after party. The party was really crowded and loud, so the couple decided to go out to their car to fool around. Well the girl was going down on the guy, but was so tired that she fell asleep while in position. The guy was too nice to wake her up, so he decided to just let her “sleep” there. Well when people cleared out of the house in the morning, they noticed the 2 of them in the car with her face buried in his crotch.

I still have good friends who refer to me as that, too, so take that for whatever it’s worth.

I’m not going into detail about how I earned that nickname, either.

laugh like Tom Hulce in Amadeus.

I have a deep voice, too, which makes it even more hilarious.

A friend of mine with several other guys (blind folded) in front of the entire school were supposed to locate their girlfriend by touch from a lineup and then kiss them. They snuck in his mom at the last second and he frenched his mom. That was worth watching.

I was having a debate with a friend of mine.

Can you ever be friends with an ex? I said yes. My friend’s contention is that if exes are friends it is because one (or both) of them still has feelings for the other. It’s never true friendship anymore. He also adds that it is emotionally unhealthy. I tend to just cite examples of people I know who are friends that used to date.

What does everyone think?

If you want to know ask them. Weird coincidence.

I didn’t think I was going to, but I did. Hoooray!

later……………

Teachers that made you look bad in front of the class because I only thought I was smarter (or more powerful) than they. I rarely had problems but I a French teacher who hated me quite a bit and I hated her back. Do you get class reports? In the first few years up until about middle school I got not just grades in subjects but also 2 for behavior and effort together with a short paragraph the teacher would write. Those were also good, but once my head teacher wrote “He has very good ideas and opinions, that unfortunately he also tells the class unsolicited”. Parents were in between amused and not amused.
I think I still have that trait, and it wasn’t bad later in life as with many things high school tells you isn’t good but later doesn’t turn out to be so bad or inappropriate to have. Although at an assessment center at a top accountancy firm (I didn’t get in, and in retrospect am happy about that) they told me I had good ideas but needed to push them harder.

Speaking of “embarrassing in retrospect”, a girl I had a crush on – very funny, smart, a little sassy, and also the first one to have big boobies and later a piercing – and who I sat next to for a few years once gave me a condom in class. Mhm, I wonder if that was some sort of sign; yet I was too shy to ever ask her. D’oh! Could it be that she wanted to be more than just friends?

I was always late for school. One time, I strolled into the classroom like 5-10minutes late and it was empty. There was a note on my desk saying “Dan— We all went home. Have a nice day. —Everyone”. I sort of puzzled there for a moment, not thinking about the obviousness of what was about to happen when the teacher and the entire class came in yelling through the adjoining door to the dark computer lab. I swear I had a 40inch vertical that day, but my legs splayed fowards and backwards so I’m sure I still actually lost height on the deal.

Good times. Besides that, there was the time when my homie caught me hitting on his little sister, so he spray painted all over my car. Ahh. Good times.

I flew to Portland to do a thing called Blazers Edge night. I hugged this guy named Dave and totally got a boner doing it and he noticed, because it pressed against him when we hugged. I was really embarrassed.

http://www.thedreamshake.com/2009/6/7/901373/draft-thoughts-3-0-sam-prestie

I went over to visit my folks house and they weren’t home yet. So I decided to wait . While sitting around waiting for them return, I was thumbing through a Glamour magazine. I had never seen this mag before and was suprised by how provocative the photos were. Needless to say I had experienced the expected physical reaction. The mistake was then taking matters into my own hand(s) so to speak, because I was caught by my mother. She was so shocked that she fell down and hurt her back and then had to be taken to the hospital. It was sooo embarassing, I vowed (to my friends) to never do that again. They didn’t believe this was possible and asserted that they could go longer without this specific activity than I. A wager was then made of $100 each about who could go the longest. I, in fact won this wager and became “The Master of my Domain” .

PS I later revealed that I cheated and that my friend Jerry actually won

I had to go a little, but I was ok and I was up to bat. I think I hit a single and advanced to 2nd after a walk. Then, if I recall correctly, the other team made a pitching change (or at least there was a delay of some kind). I was desperate for someone to hit the ball so I could either score, or I was even contemplating getting myself thrown out purposefully so I could relieve myself. Alas, I was too late.

for telling my friend he should just “do it” with britney spears since he liked her so much lol.

i (and probably mis amigos too) have some more stories, I just need time to think…

.

My roommate had his girlfriend visiting and she was always sick. One day she was watching Doogie Howser, M.D. and some kid was being a baby about having cancer. I said to the TV, I said, “What’s that kids problem? He needs to quit his whining.” Then my roommates girlfriend said, “HE HAS CANCER!” Then I said, “So, it’s not my problem, he needs to get busy living and quit whining about dying. Complaining about it ain’t gonna make him better.”

After she went back home, my roommate told me she was sick because she had cancer. I was a tad bit embarrassed about that.

and I guess it was the first time this one kid (who is also one of my friends lol) had been to a party. He ended up getting so wasted that he was licking up beer that he spilled on the floor that he spilled, then taking down a painting off a wall and swinging it around the room, then finally passing out on the toilet while going number 2.

Apologies if you read this in March, but it was at the end of a JD.

Sophomore year of college, I had recently broken up with a girl I was engaged to. I had been interested in this girl from choir, and we were pretty friendly in general, so we decided that I would spend part of Christmas break with her at her parents’ house in Redmond. After I got there, a friend of hers called and said that Coolio was playing a show at a club in Bend, and invited us to go.

Now, this club is basically a bar underneath a cowboy store. I think it’s a number, like "Club 76," something like that. In all, there were probably 200 white folks ,there to listen to Coolio remind them of middle school. Coolio came out with "Ghost," his backup guy, and proceeded to go through the hits, all of them assisted with microphone effects that made it sound like five people were rapping instead of one. During one of the songs, he said, "I want all the ladies to come up on stage and dance during this song." My friend (who was 5’1, sporty and Asian) went up on stage with everyone else. For whatever reason, Coolio picked her out, and was grinding on her during the whole song, whispering in her ear between verses.

After the song, she came down and said Coolio invted us to the "green room" after the show. Well, the green room ended up being the staff break room in the back of the bar. I sat on the couch, arms across my chest, just waiting for the whole thing to be over. Coolio was busy hitting on my friend, and everyone else who did not have male genitalia. He eventually picked up on my misery, and walked over to me, introduced himself, and said, "Hey man, am I walkin’ on yo space?" Me, being the self-righteous Christian kid that I was, said, "No, I just don’t want her to do something she’ll regret." Coolio promptly yelled loudly, "We got a good Samaritan in the house!" He then proceeded to ask me what I looked for in a woman. I mumbled something about being a good person, blah blah blah. He said, "I’m pretty much just in it for the p- "

Naturally, my friend eventually offered to drop my off back at her house, cuz Coolio wanted her to go to his hotel room with him. After a long-winded speech from me, she dropped me off. At 6am she got back, and swore that had just talked for a few hours, and then he had to leave for his next show.

Years later, she admitted that they had "made out a little." Obviously, my feelings for her were never quite the same.

Needless to say it was not a number one. While wiping, ( which was a lengthy process given the amount of alcohol still in my system, and the amount of very unhealthy food I had just eaten ) to my horror I realized that I had left the door to the restroom unlocked as a really hot girl walked in on me and started laughing hysterically. The worst part is that I had been flirting with this girl just a few minutes earlier, as her campsite was right next to mine. Man that sucked.

AP Photo/Bill Haber

Came after I graduated from College in S Oregon. I moved to PDX and was looking for immediate work and took a temp job through an agency as a janitor at Intel until I could find “the right job”. I found out in person that I was emptying garbage cans in cubicles, of some people I just had graduated with, and had been hanging out with/partying with just a couple of months earlier. It was horribly embarrassing looking them in the eye. 3 Months later I got my “right job”, and it’s been all success since then, but I will never forget that. Quite humbling.

Just misread this list on “top selling jerseys”, and was already starting to get angry why they placed LeBron on the Knicks :) http://sports.espn.go.com/nba/news/story?id=3866598

At work right MEOW, then on way back to good ol’ OREGON.

went on a weekend camping trip with my GF (now ex GF) and her parents, while her parents were out on the boat… fishing and what not. We decide to have a lil fun… well we thought all the windows/door were zipped up, the door window was a lil open.. next thing ya know.. i got her dad un-zipping the tent, and catching us doin the DIRTTTTTY.

He takes it like a champ.. and i think was more shocked at first, but yeah wasnt a pretty night, thought i was gonna get killed.. when he asked me to go fishing with him an hr later… (The soprano’s style)

Make things worse… I/we spend another 2 days camping!!! most akward/embarressing weekend EVER.

i get a kick out of it now, so do most of my friends.

woot wooooooooot

and we know KP is the Master Draftsman. I decided to do another re-write of a classic rock number. It was risky though….some other GMs might see this and not trade with KP because of it. Original version

The Pritch is Back!

He was pushing for Paul in o-five
But he was told “no”, we don’t trust your eye
But times were changing, he did the o-seven draft
Now anyone who messes with the Pritch gets slapped

Do research on a friday thats alright
Talkin on cell phone all saturday night
Pritch is the best of all in late June
He get’s high in the evening takin’ picks off you
Whoo hoo hoo

He’s the Pritch, He’s the Pritch
Oh the Pritch is back
Stone cold drafter as a matter of fact
He can trade, He’s the Pritch
and he’s better than you
It’s his draft day moves
The GMs he abused whoo hoo hoo

He’s in the know by picking brains
Boost their stock by dropping names
He dont like those. My god, whats that?
Oh he full of misdirection when the Pritch gets back

He’s the Pritch, He’s the Pritch
Oh the Pritch is back
Stone cold drafter as a matter of fact
He can trade, He’s the Pritch
and he’s better than you
It’s his draft day moves
The GMs he abused whoo hoo hoo

that’s not even fair

at work right now…

shot a 65 today….

Whew!!!

Always looking to play..

in Keizer, theres mcnary golf course, its pretty good, but you have to pay for the powercart to play, its a pretty long course, and your walkin like quarter mile to the next hole ect.

but then add another 15 for the Cart ect.

GETTIN GQ FOR THE SPORTS SPECTACULAR. MOHAWK, with the “Elevee” SUIT! with LOUIE SUNGLASSES.

bout to take the 3 hr drive back down to salem!!

Blazer Bless.

My ex girlfriend and I got caught by the police, uhh, making whoopy in the cab of my truck. It was at the same time that the two girls in Oregon City had gone missing, so the police were on high alert. We were up in the woods and one second we are having fun and then the next there are two cops slapping the tailgate of my truck to get my attention, pointing guns at my head and screaming for us to stick our hands out the window. We obliged and they came up and talked to us for about 2-3 minutes before they let us put our cloths on. I talked to a cop for over 60 seconds wearing nothing but a “raincoat”. Pretty sweet. They drilled my ex about whether I was raping her or not. “Are you sure ma’am, you are safe now, you can tell us the truth. Was this consensual? There is nothing to be scared of ma’am, just tell the truth? Are you Sure? Positive?” She was like yes, he is my boyfriend, will you stop asking me that and let me put some cloths on you perv. Very embarrassing at the time, but now its just kind of funny…

I would love to walk across such a virtual parking lot with a rocket launcher and a few hand grenades.

http://my.nba.com/thread.jspa?threadID=5800026608

On that note, I probably won’t be a able to play that game legally anyway. After another amok shooting in March, several European countries are in the process of outlawing “killer games” since amok shooters have been found to regularly possess those games. Well, and loads of weapons and a screwed mind. Good plan guys, I’m sure that helps more than outlawing automatic weapons except for the military, controlling gun clubs, creating a national register for weapons, anti-violence training in schools, more social security for families, etc. At least it’s cheap and could help win elections – unless all young people vote for some leftist party

True, there are some very violent games that I wouldn’t play and where you could consider no federal funding for publishers or a ban on advertisement. But most popular shooters are not in that group imho, especially the strategic ones that have other elements as well. If I can’t play Modern Warfare 2 around Christmas I’ll run amok, right across the boarder to some black market :)

BEAT LA

(2010 is in Dallas. 2012 could be in the new arena in Orlando according to rumors)

Playing time in the first quarter can’t be matched by The Big Stache

he is really really bad on offense

At least Howard has 10 boards. Good ideas to have multiple scorers on the team :)

ESPN Classic will probably rather show the Bulls-Celtics series in a few years :)

both Fisher and Odom were trying to foul Dwight = Jump Ball

STOP SHOOTING.

Sincerely,

Everyone that wants the Magic to win.

defense!

PG- Batum
SG- Roy
SF- Webster(?)/Rudy(?)
PF- Aldridge
C- Oden