How I became the first person Dave ever banned from Blazer's Edge
A cautionary tale
It was a few years back when it all happened but I remember it like it was yesterday. Dave had written something like 30,000 words praising the Blazer’s latest effort. I especially remember how he went on and on about how the two young guys, Zach and Darius, were the final pieces and now we would be headed to the playoffs. Last night’s game, he said, was a great indicator of how far the team had come since they only lost by 37 points. Once Paul Allen finally took his advice, he asserted, and made John Canzano the head coach, there would be no holding the Blazers back from championship city.
What really caught my attention, though, were three paragraphs about Sebastian Telfair and how he had shown such amazing brilliance the night before. “Telfair is truly one of a kind,” he espoused, “I marvel at his amazing skills. He truly is the next Michael Jordan, Larry Bird and Manute Bol rolled into one”
I was confused. I wrote him, and as I recall, this is what I asked, “Dave, I don’t mean to question you, but don’t you think it might behoove us to look at Chris Paul in the next draft? He does seem to have some talent and Bassy is so small and inconsistent.”
“SILENCE, PEON!” He roared back at me. (I realize it isn’t possible for a guy to roar in print but he went ahead and did it anyway.) “YOU DARE QUESTION ME? YOU DARE INTERRUPT ME WHEN I AM BUSY SCANNING THE INTERNETS FOR NEW PICTURES OF SALMA HAYEK? YOU DARE QUESTION THE FLASHES OF BRILLIANCE I SAW FROM TELFAIR LAST NIGHT?”
I meekly wrote back to him, “No sir. It’s just that, well, Telfair only played 47 seconds last night. He had one assist, 6 turnovers and shot 1 for 12 from the field. I just wondered where you saw the brilliance is all. And, well, there’s this Chris Paul guy…”
“THAT WILL BE ALL,” he answered me back in a huff. “DON'T BORE ME WITH MEANINGLESS STATS. YOU ARE HEREBY BANNED FROM BLAZER’S EDGE FOREVER!”
Well, after a couple of months of begging he finally reinstated me and I’ve toed the line ever since. And that is the more or less true story of how I became the first person to be banned from Blazer’s Edge.
EDIT: I discussed this with Dave a while back and he remembered it slightly differently than I did. He had some silly recollection of running a test banning using me as a guinea pig or some such nonsense. I'm pretty sure my recollection is closer to the truth.