My Call: The Blazers' 2009 First Round Draft Pick
by Dave on Jun 10, 2009 12:38 AM PDT
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Much as Ben described in his draft prospect board below, my inbox is slowly but surely starting to get taken over by "Who are we going to draft?" posts. My stock answer so far is that it's too soon to tell, for me anyway. Our low pick number makes it difficult to forecast what the team will look for. Most of my colleagues seem to think they'll move up or move out, adding another layer of complexity to the process. For now Ben really has the best window into the process of any of us and I'm inclined to lean on his data and analysis as superior to my own.
I have a decent eye for team needs, but the rule of thumb is to take the best player available in the draft and fill your needs with veterans. Providing the Blazers pick at #24 they're as likely to select a shooting guard as a point guard or small forward. Not much help there.
I don't want to bail out completely, however. Even at this incomplete stage I have a suggestion that can't really go wrong no matter which way the draft turns: up, down, sideways, or otherwise.
You see, no matter how I puzzle around the problem I can't get over the fact that the Blazers need a veteran presence coming off the bench. "Veteran presence" and "draft" are by nature exclusive terms, leaving a nearly-unsolvable problem. "Nearly", I say, for I have solved it. You want the lock-tight, guaranteed-winner Blazer draft pick for 2009? It's easy. Go with this guy:
The team can't lose with The Most Interesting Man in the World. He's a veteran who will never go out of style. He can suit up in this league for as long as he wants to. Want the analysis? Here are the Top Ten reasons why, straight out of the scouting dossier on him.
1. During a stint nude modeling for art classes at UCLA back in '65 he personally taught Lew Alcindor the sky hook using motions adapted from a Tibetian sunrise ritual.
2. The conversation with season ticket holders behind the Blazers bench will be scintillating.
3. Unlike most Blazer draft picks, it's literally impossible to overrate him.
4. The refs respect him...and how!
5. He has no problem adhering to Nate's "no headband" rule.
6. He will immediately up the level of groupie hanging around the Portland locker room.
7. More Dos Equis keeps Rudy happy!
8. He may be the only man on the planet who can broker an equitable minutes split between LaMarcus Aldridge and David Lee.
9. The highlight film montage they show when his name is called will blow your mind.
10. And you thought riding in Blazer One was luxury!
And a couple of bonuses...
11. New NBA fashion trend: warmups with cufflinks.
12. The champagne poured during the championship locker-room celebration will cost more than Paul Allen's yacht.
12. He brings his own victory cigars and lights them whenever he damn well pleases.
And of course...
13. He doesn't always read blogs, but when he does he prefers Blazersedge.
If you're on board with this, feel free to add your own reasons in the comments. If we can get up to 100 (go ahead and number them) maybe KP and company will take notice.
--Dave (blazersub@yahoo.com)
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15. Chris Paul and Lebron James will opt out of their contracts and sign with the Blazers at 5 mil each, just to be near him.
by ostateblazer on Jun 10, 2009 1:17 AM PDT reply actions 1 recs
18. There would be a clear answer to that “locker room presence” question Shav declined to answer.
Rudyculize: The act of Rudy making others look slow, dim and generally oafish.
http://www.myspace.com/y5k
by Y5k on Jun 10, 2009 2:57 AM PDT reply actions 1 recs
19. He will be able to teach ODen how to foul less
By sending Oden on a trip on the highseas off Somalia to sword fight with pirates.
The agility he gains allow him to easiy avoid contact, from opposing guards as they drive., and then Oden will do the thrusting of the ball past half court.
"Knowledge will get you from A to B. Creativity will get you anywhere." Einstein
20. Blaze the Trail Cat quits the Blazers because people quit watching him,
everyone would rather watch The Most Interesting Man in the World during timeouts
C*mcast sucks!
by Blazermaniac77 on Jun 10, 2009 5:51 AM PDT reply actions 1 recs
21. Tony Parker quits the NBA, because after months of whining by Eva
saying that she wants to move to Portland, he finds out its because she is in love with a new man…The Most Interesting Man in the World, Tony is crushed and during the off season he eats too many Bon Bons and cant bare to look at a basketball again.
C*mcast sucks!
23. He would eschew a salary, deeming it an insult to have his name printed on a check so small.
The cowards never started
The weak died along the way
Only the strong survived
They were the Trailblazers
by lukeyhere on Jun 10, 2009 7:22 AM PDT reply actions 2 recs
Sideline VIPs
Instead of Jack Nicholson or Spike Lee, we’ll have Sean Connery, Gore Vidal, and Hugh Hefner.
31. The Blazers national exposure increases 10 fold
Offseason:
PG Options: Mike Conley(T)
SG Options: Terrence Williams(D)
Forward Options: Ronnie Turiaf(T) - Damion James(D), Taj Gibson(D), Kevin Seraphin(D)
It will never happen the guy drinks lousy beer.
Won’t go over in the land of microbrews.
by We-B-Dunkin on Jun 10, 2009 9:40 AM PDT reply actions 1 recs
35. He will halt a game in mid-play to show the refs the correct interpretation of traveling.
It is always done in first class, wither it be by boat, plane or limo.
36. He has the power to end a game anytime the Blazers have the lead.....
….game over my friends
He will turn the Rose garden into a....
Jai Alai court……….
"The idea is not to block every shot. The idea is to make your opponent believe that you might block every shot." - Bill Russell
37. He once missed a free throw, just to know how it feels
by Norsktroll on Jun 10, 2009 10:17 AM PDT reply actions 6 recs
LOL
"HA HA HA HA HA
I'm not laughing, I'm just listing the five ugliest Blazers ever."
- rockingharder
Folks, you've bought into the hype about that guy.
He’s not the Most Interesting Man in the World. Look at the photo: he’s old, he’s tired, he lost his tie in the john, he’s hungover from drinking cheap beer, and he’s smoking a stinky, politically incorrect cigar. He never has anything interesting or intelligent to say.
No, the Most Interesting Man in the World is someone who really is a rich, handsome, devil-may-care, damn-the-torpedoes, roll-the-dice, if-only-you-knew-what-I-know kind of man. A man whose next move you cannot predict. A man equally at home on the mountaintop or in the gutter. A man with the power to build empires and destroy them. A man the ladies run to and from. A man people either love or hate. This man:
.
< runs away screaming >
VENTURA: It's drowning. It gives you the complete sensation that you are drowning. It is no good, because you -- I'll put it to you this way, you give me a waterboard, Dick Cheney and one hour, and I'll have him confess to the Sharon Tate murders.
a damn-the-torpedoes kind of man...
how about the dude holding that sign?
by dr chapstick on Jun 10, 2009 4:11 PM PDT up reply actions
38. Swagger through the roof
Offseason:
PG Options: Mike Conley(T)
SG Options: Terrence Williams(D)
Forward Options: Ronnie Turiaf(T) - Damion James(D), Taj Gibson(D), Kevin Seraphin(D)
by TheGreatDane17 on Jun 10, 2009 10:22 AM PDT reply actions
39. He can take Kobe's head and hug it against his chest and his heart will beat him to death.
just because there is a mouse in the cookie jar, that doesn't make him a cookie.
40. He will distract the opponents
by taking their wives/girlfriends on that little boat of his. Blazers win – Elgin
VENTURA: It's drowning. It gives you the complete sensation that you are drowning. It is no good, because you -- I'll put it to you this way, you give me a waterboard, Dick Cheney and one hour, and I'll have him confess to the Sharon Tate murders.
41.High beer IQ
Oh wait,I dont even like Dos Eques
by southern oregon on Jun 10, 2009 11:34 AM PDT reply actions
42. He'll be the first player to ever have a 4 point play.
Without being fouled.
by Bskey on Jun 10, 2009 11:46 AM PDT reply actions 1 recs
Happens to Kobe all the time.
"I've learned one thing, and that's to quit worrying about stupid things. You have four years to be irresponsible here. Relax. Work is for people with jobs. You'll never remember class time, but you'll remember time you wasted hanging out with your friends. So, stay out late. Go out on a Tuesday with your friends when you have a paper due Wednesday. Spend money you don't have. Drink 'till sunrise. The work never ends, but college does" - Tom Petty
44. The team would never suffer champion's fatigue and alwasy be in contention.
After all, he would always remind the team to “stay thirsty, my friends”.
by IdleMercutio on Jun 10, 2009 12:01 PM PDT reply actions 1 recs
45. He'll be the first NBA player to wear Roman numerals on his jersey.
You know, XX.
PUT BATUM IN NOW: Rallying cry of the BBIQ appreciation club
Just keep swimming, just keep swimming...
by rockingharder on Jun 10, 2009 12:20 PM PDT reply actions 2 recs
Yeah, that is the best reason to draft that guy
Though this is so similar to the Chuck Norris craze and already feels a little tired, I still love it.
I'm going to come up with the best line here ever, something really clever.
46. Can teach Reggie Evans the alternative, more argreeable version of the 'reach-under'
and Chris Kaman will love him for it.
that is to say-
better defensive post maneuvers.
by dr chapstick on Jun 10, 2009 1:36 PM PDT up reply actions
51. He does color commentary while out on the floor.
“A magnificent shot by my fellow Blazer Brandon Roy. I haven’t seen a rainbow like that since I took tea in the temple of El Dorado with Twiggy back in 68 watching the rainstorms gently roll onto the coast of Honduras.”
by pxilpooshr on Jun 10, 2009 4:13 PM PDT reply actions 1 recs
55. He developes a time machine
And goes back in time and creates a parallel universe, where the following events occur
The Blazers keep Moses Malone
The bone in Bill Walton’s foot never breaks in ‘78 (Lucas, Gross, Neal, etc also remain healthy and they all sign contract extensions)
The Blazers pass on Sam Bowie and draft the SG from UNC
Sabonis’ achilles is fine and he enters the NBA immediately after being drafted
Wait, who is that shooting guard from UNC?
:)
This year is NOT a building season!!
by collectiveshane on Jun 10, 2009 6:55 PM PDT up reply actions
61. On away games he will demoralize opposing team's fans...
When their cheerleaders all flock to him.
65. There will be no issues with Comcast
CSNW will become the most requested channel of all time, all over the world. The demand will be so great, even the most obscure countries, and cable companies, will pay any amount necessary in order to show the games. Its not just a win-win situation, its a win-win-win situation.
"OK, it's going to rain tomorrow. And there is going to be a Greenpeace meeting and hippies are going to be protesting" ~ The Buffet of Goodness on Portland
by Blazer on Jun 10, 2009 7:18 PM PDT reply actions 1 recs
69. His game is so multifacated...
he can play one-on-one against himself.
by PoliSam on Jun 10, 2009 9:11 PM PDT reply actions 1 recs
71. He would be the first Portland Trail Blazer
to have blazed a trail through the jungle with his bare hands.
—“stay thirsty my friends.”
73. Coach will allow his spot-on, no-look 3/4 court shot just once in the 1st quarter
…just to demoralize opponents.
74. At first no one will understand his affinity for needle-point...
Until he reveals that a player’s handiwork is as important as his footwork
—having your own hand-sewn jersey becomes all the rage.
Master of Psychology
He will lead the entire Rose Garden crowd in TaI-Chi excersizes while the opposing teams attempt free throws. Attempt …not one free throw will ever be made against Portland again.
and just think what he could do
to “influence” the refs with his Jedi mind tricks?
“you want to call that 6th foul on K*be” (waves hand)
“I want to call that 6th foul on K*be”
76. Every 4th 1/4 he will be the only player on the court
he will take inbound passes from himself for alleyoops giving the team some rest for the next game.
80. He deems himself worthy of getting two contract...
because he plays defense and offense at the same time, against himself
81. He's twice the man Wilt Chamberlain was...
…in more ways than one.
PUT BATUM IN NOW: Rallying cry of the BBIQ appreciation club
Just keep swimming, just keep swimming...
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