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Deconstructing the Przybilla Myth

 

The easiest mistake for General Manager Kevin Pritchard to make this offseason would be to talk himself into another year with Joel Przybilla as the Portland Trail Blazers’ starting Center. Given Przybilla’s dollar store salary, lunch pail dependability, solid character and the fact that he's coming off what team officials love to call a "career year," the temptation to stick with Przybilla is overwhelming. Indeed, last Friday afternoon Pritchard told the media he did not foresee "wholesale changes" to the roster and name-checked Przybilla specifically as a player who has taken on increased responsibility as a veteran on a young, developing team. The temptation to ride this "career year" 6 points and 9 rebounds per game center must be resisted at all costs if the Blazers are serious about taking their next step on the way to an NBA championship.

Deconstructing the Przybilla Myth

Przybilla’s defenders can often be heard repeating an outright lie: "Przybilla is the perfect center for this team." Their reasoning generally centers on three points ...

 1. Brandon Roy's supposed preference for dominating the ball in the offensive sets
 2. Przybilla’s rebounding rate
 3. Przybilla’s ability to score in the low post

Let's address each point in turn.

1. It would be helpful to have a ball-handling center

As much fun as it is to watch Brandon Roy hit impossible 3 pointers with 4 hands in his face, B. Roy's life would be easier, his career would last longer and the offense would run more smoothly if he was paired with a center that could command defensive attention and get into the lane every once in awhile. I am not saying this to be snarky but because an honest evaluation is important: Przybilla struggles to take assistant coaches off the dribble (and in the post) during practice and warm-ups. The good news: Przybilla knows this and therefore doesn't risk needless forays into the key. The bad news: a center that rarely enters the paint is one of the least-valuable commodities in an evolving NBA that increasingly favors small, quick, aggressive centers that apply consistent pressure to a defense, particularly in the playoffs.

This past season, the Blazers adapted to Przybilla’s speed deficiency well, removing the ball from his hands in most of their half-court sets and relying on Brandon to orchestrate things and carry the team to the league's 2nd best offensive efficiency. It was a Dwyane Wade-esque approach, one that was spectacular in producing 54 wins and then immediately mediocre once the playoffs started and the bump foul calls dried up. If Wade, one of the top 3 players in the world, can't get out of the first round in the Eastern Conference against a team that hasn't won a playoff series in a decade, what makes Portland so confident that Brandon Roy (a top 10 player in the league, but no Dwyane Wade) should or could carry the Blazers to the second round in the Western Conference playoffs using a similar approach next year? Fool me once. Then get better personnel.

2. Don't believe the rebounding rate lie

This season, Przybilla’s rebounding rate stood at 22.8, which was the best in the league. Looks nice on the surface. However, we must keep in mind that it's difficult to not rebound when your starting power forward hangs out around the perimeter. Przybilla’s stats suffer from classic over-inflation. When praising Przybilla’s high rebounding rate, we must also acknowledge the deficiencies in Aldridge’s game that produce it: his inability to defend bigger players, his discomfort battling in the paint, his unwillingness to hang out in the key, his limited ability boxing out, his total incapacity for boxing out and his total fear of trying to outrebound Yao Ming or Shaq.

Additionally, Przybilla only put up 9 rebounds in nearly 24 minutes per game. Przybilla’s above average rebound rate is the result of his limited skill set: he can't drive and finish, lacks any post moves, and struggles defending perimeter players. So what's left? Stand in the key and rebound. Are we really that thrilled he managed to tally 9 of those boards a game?

3. Przybilla’s post moves do a disservice to the young bigs

269 possessions this season concluded with a Joel Przybilla shot attempt. He converted 168 of those for a sparkling 62.5%, the best field goal percentage of his career. None of those shots were quite memorable.

I would give back each and every one of those possessions (including any and all game winners and makes that led to simultaneous Mike and Mike orgasms, which never actually happened I just thought this sounds cool) without a second thought if it meant that Greg Oden and LaMarcus Aldridge could split those 269 shot attempts.

Those guys are developing stars. Those guys are the future. More importantly, those guys will have the choice whether they want to stay here in Portland or if they want to go somewhere else where they will get more looks. While LaMarcus's beast-like performance after the all star break and in the playoffs showed that he can thrive in spite of Przybilla’s gunning, Oden remains the same clumsy, confused offensive player that he was in September.

Certainly, offseason work and conditioning are important for Oden. But while Greg has endured taunts this season and both Nate McMillan and Brandon Roy have caught some collateral criticism for Oden's slow offensive development, it's been a basketball truism at every level going back to the peach basket days: young bigs go as far as their veteran teammates take them. Oden cannot learn post moves on his own; he cannot develop go-to moves without consistent touches; he cannot subsist off of offensive rebounds alone. If next year's scheme again calls for Brandon Roy to initiate and Joel Przybilla to watch, it's reasonable to expect continued stunted development from Greg Oden.

Because, really, is Joel Przybilla the man who will shepherd Greg Oden into his dominating future? Robinson to Duncan? Is Joel Przybilla the man who will find easy hoops for LaMarcus Aldridge? Shaq to Amare? Is Joel Przybilla going to have the credibility to get in his teammates' faces late in playoff games, demanding smarter, harder play? Bill Russell to the Celtics?

I don't think we can honestly answer any those questions in the affirmative, except for maybe that last one.

And it's not entirely his fault. Przybilla spent a good amount of time this year looking over his shoulder with a young, eager center breathing down his neck. It's hard to help Brandon shoulder the load, it's hard to make calculated risks on offense, and it's hard to set aside extra time to develop a camaraderie with your young post players when you entered training camp primarily concerned with holding on to your job.

That's a problem.

And one that needs to be, and can be, fixed.

Appraising the Competition

Przybilla would probably dismiss all of this as nothing new, criticism that he has heard and overcome his entire life. Indeed, he did nothing in college, and left the team due to differences with his coach and is an NBA All-Star when it comes to being an enforcer. He deserves all the credit in the world for his thick skin and the chip-on-the-shoulder approach that has drawn repeated praise from his teammates and coaching staff.

To put it simply: we should prefer a center with a low post game to a center with a chip on his shoulder. Better still, we should prefer a center that can put up a meaningful fight on the defensive end. Despite Przybilla’s own denials, Yao Ming - 28 years old, standing 7 feet and 6 inches tall, and with a lot of previous playoff experience (but had never got past the 1st Round) -- dictated the terms of their matchup, exploding for 24 points (on 9 of 9 shooting) and 9 rebounds in only 24 minutes in the series-determining Game 1 and averaging 15.8 points and 10.7 rebounds to Przybilla’s 3.8 points and 7.3 rebounds. What's worse, Yao felt absolutely no defensive pressure from Przybilla, committing just 9 turnovers in 216 minutes in the series and finding his way to the basket at will.

Do you really believe Przybilla could lead a team past Yao, then the Lakers, then Nene and then the Eastern Conference champions?

I would hope not.

We should be able to agree that Przybilla is not an adequate starting center for a championship contender.

Fashioning a Post-Przybilla Reality

If Przybilla is not a championship quality starter, the next question becomes: should Przybilla stay as a backup?

The situation behind Przybilla this season has been a mess. It took nearly the entire season for Oden to become comfortable as an NBA Player. Not only that, but he suffered from constant abuse from NBA Referees. It was a gift if Oden could stay on the floor for more than 30 minutes.

And thank God for those games.

That leaves three possible scenarios:

 Bring in a new backup center, keep Przybilla and Oden 
 Bring in a new center, trade Przybilla, and use Oden as the backup 
 Bring in a new center, trade Oden, and use Przybilla as the backup

Holding on to Pryzbilla would hinder Oden's development by preventing nature from running its course. There's only so many times Oden can break off assistant coach Bill Bayno and explode in displays of aggression before you give in to the “once in a decade” center prospect unshackle his potential. Given his skill set – great rebounder already, aggressive defensive intensity, ability to finish at the rim, excellent physique – Oden should be able to succeed as a backup center next season.

Therefore, as founding president and sole remaining board member of Team Oden, my first instinct would be to repeat the long-standing mantra "Oden leaves over my dead body" and simply start soliciting offers for Przybilla + draft picks + Webster/Outlaw immediately. Make no mistake, Przybilla, despite his deficiencies, has value as a center on the open market.

But Oden has trade value too: he was labled as a “once in a decade” prospect coming out of Ohio State. And the need for a playoff-ready center is so dire that Oden must go on the trade table. If it takes sacrificing Oden and watching him blossom in a greener pasture to ensure that Brandon Roy isn't dragged down on a nightly basis by his frontcourt mate, that's a sacrifice we should be willing to make.

But putting Oden on the table for a center might not even be necessary given Pritchard's stack of chips. Backed by the richest owner in sports, KP has five draft picks this year, multiple cheap assets (Outlaw, Batum, Webster, Blake, Rodriguez, even Frye in a sign-and-trade), some salary cap flexibility, and - if he wants to go all in -- the best backup center in the league to throw at the other 29 teams during the worst economic crisis in recent memory. It is patently absurd to suggest in this climate and with those pieces that a serious upgrade at point is not available. They are out there. Teams are struggling to fill arenas, taking out loans from the league office to cover costs, contemplating relocation, the list goes on. This is a dream buyer's market.

No excuses.

Freeing Oden and keeping Przybilla as a backup would not be a horrible look. Keeping both players and burying Oden on the bench again would be an ideal situation (perhaps too ideal) for all parties, except Oden. Parting ways with Przybilla completely would be my personal preference but at this point it's less important which of those three paths Pritchard takes... as long as he acknowledges that the Przybilla-as-starter philosophy is fundamentally flawed.

In the end, dealing with a center problem will always be of lesser concern than dealing with a starting point guard problem.

The game plan should be:

1) target the starter 
2) obtain the starter
3) celebrate
4) worry about the backup situation

A Plea to KP: Do Not Leave it Short

As we come to the end of this diatribe and you prepare to vote "stay" or "go" for Joel Przybilla, we should think back to the single biggest moment of this year's playoff run, a sequence Blazer fans will not soon forget. Once the first round matchup between Houston and Portland was announced, Joel decided to go all macho and declare that he wanted to guard Yao 1-on-1.

 

“Actually, Przybilla has already put some thought into the matchup. In the last meeting, April 5 in Houston, the Blazers employed a new tactic in guarding Yao, which included having LaMarcus Aldridge front Yao."This time, I want him,'' Przybilla said. "I want to guard him straight up. I want that on my shoulders.'' (http://blog.oregonlive.com/behindblazersbeat/2009/04/behind_the_blazers_locker_room_14.html)

 

Przybilla’s defense came up short. Very short. Like Yao going 9/9 in that game and dominating from the opening tip short. Like Steve Blake airballing a key three pointer in Game 3 short.

He came up short. And, in turn, the Blazers came up short.

One must meditate upon that moment.

And Kevin Pritchard must do this offseason what Przybilla failed to do prior to the game. Find a better option.

 

 

Comment 64 comments  |  21 recs  | 

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haha

Nicely done. I thought Ben’s anti-Blake rant over at O-live was, while well-written, extremely biased. It came off as though it had been written by Bayless’ agent. I think this piece works well as a critique of his post.

by jksnake99 on May 6, 2009 4:01 PM PDT reply actions  

This "analysis" is incredibly poor

For one, Pryz did not take up Oden’s time. Oden’s fouls and injury problems, and still developing skill set, were why Greg did not get more time. Joel simply was there and I am glad, as we needed him.

I think that Joel has got better every season. I thinkt hat the goal should be to improve Joel’s hands, his ability to catch and control the ball. This will help his rebounding and his acceptance of passes and his shot. There were alot of times that he was stripped or lost the ball before he got a shot off (which should have been evaluated against his high FG%). If he controls the ball in the paint, he is very dangerous.

The fact that this analysis disregards Joel’s rebounding is enough to push this from poor work into fantasy. So LMA does not box out. That does not make Joel’s job easier, it makes it harder, now he has to fight two bigs for the ball.

We are lucky he re-signed with us. If and when Oden deserves his starting role, he will have earned it against a fine NBA center.

by LaoTzu on May 8, 2009 12:42 PM PDT up reply actions  

For about one sentence

I was screaming at my monitor, “you moron!” I blame it on a lack of sleep.

draft dejuan blair

by Cablinasian on May 6, 2009 4:03 PM PDT reply actions  

"Parody or intellectual theft?" I immediately asked myself...
The easiest mistake for General Manager Kevin Pritchard to make this offseason would be to talk himself into another year with Joel Przybilla as the Portland Trail Blazers’ starting Center.

Sheesh, that’s a lot of work for a joke thread.

Pontiff of the Pryz for Prez Posse...

by timbo on May 6, 2009 4:08 PM PDT reply actions  

Y'know, it's hard to write satire.

You, sir, have wrote wonderful satire.

by AK1984 on May 6, 2009 4:08 PM PDT reply actions  

lmao...

in ben’s defense…uh, no he wouldn’t. ;)

The Faith don't panic, the faith freaks out burns out farms and torchs small villages in the name of The Faith.

by faith on May 8, 2009 12:03 AM PDT up reply actions  

TiH get props for coming up with the idea

Best of Senator Clay Davis: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TI4-QyAzY64&feature=related

by cloudydays on May 6, 2009 4:09 PM PDT reply actions  

he always comes up with the good ones.

acta est fabula plaudite -- Thanks for a great season.

by prezofdeath on May 6, 2009 4:17 PM PDT up reply actions  

fixed

nice eyes and thanks

Best of Senator Clay Davis: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TI4-QyAzY64&feature=related

by cloudydays on May 6, 2009 7:32 PM PDT up reply actions  

hahaa
Some of those were quite memorable, most one involving Yao Ming and David Stern.

Best of Senator Clay Davis: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TI4-QyAzY64&feature=related

by cloudydays on May 6, 2009 4:13 PM PDT up reply actions  

I like yours better.

Pontiff of the Pryz for Prez Posse...

by timbo on May 6, 2009 4:13 PM PDT up reply actions  

Thank you, thank you.

Ladies and gentlemen I give you Timbo, the Great Divider!

;-p Hehe nah I like Cloudy’s…I’m just mad I didn’t get it done before he did! hahhaa. the least we could have done was collaborated and each done half.

by the way Cloudy, you mention

“and with a lot of previous playoff experience”

I actually looked it up for mine. I think it was 650 or so.

acta est fabula plaudite -- Thanks for a great season.

by prezofdeath on May 6, 2009 4:16 PM PDT up reply actions  

Well played

I agree with many of Ben’s points, but this was funny.

Przy and Blake do have a lot of analogies. The difference is in something Ben didn’t address – defense.

Przy is a very good defensive center, and (as noted) one of the best rebounders in the league. He played like a top ten center last year. He does just about all of what you need from you center, and he does it well. All he lacks is scoring.

Blake is a bad defensive point guard, and out of the things you want from your point guard, he basically just excels at shooting the three and not screwing up (although he sometimes reverses course in that area at unfortunate moments).

He’s maybe the 18th or so best PG in the league. Against most playoff PGs, he’s outmatched on both ends of the court. He can’t initiate the offense and he can’t inhibit the other team from doing so.

So although both are considered “lunch pail” guys, Przy is an elite player in a few key ways, while Blake is just competent in a few key ways.

Q: Is Greg favoring his knee?
Frye: He favors dunking on your head, that's what he favors.

by KP Corleone on May 6, 2009 4:31 PM PDT reply actions  

Hmmm...

And I thought Blake was elite in AST/TO rate.

by staylost on May 6, 2009 4:36 PM PDT up reply actions  

that's why this is a satire`

If Ben had wrote this post on O-Live, he would have been ridiculed, and deservedly so. I think his Blake post also deserves some ridicule (albeit less because of the differences you noted), and this post fits the bill nicely.

by jksnake99 on May 6, 2009 4:39 PM PDT up reply actions  

But the implication of this satire is...

that since Przy doesn’t deserve this kind of (satirical) criticism, neither did Blake, because they have a lot in common. That’s a fallacy.

Maybe I’m reading too much into it.

Either way, it’s funny.

But I don’t think it necessarily illustrates that many of Ben’s points were off base.

Q: Is Greg favoring his knee?
Frye: He favors dunking on your head, that's what he favors.

by KP Corleone on May 6, 2009 5:44 PM PDT up reply actions  

I do

As I’ve mentioned before, I thought Ben’s piece read like something written by either Bayless himself or his agent and, as such, deserved ridicule.

by jksnake99 on May 6, 2009 5:51 PM PDT up reply actions  

Do you think this team is winning a championship with Blake at the point?

I know you support Hinrich at the point. Why?

I’m just saying Ben did a good job of illustrating what limitations Blake has and making the case he shouldn’t be relied upon as the starter going forward. I think you agree with that.

The part of the piece you’re taking issue with is the argument that Blake should be traded to make room for Bayless as the back up. I agree with you, to a certain extent: that argument isn’t the strongest. It’s much more reasonable to rely on Blake (for anything) than Jeryyd, at this point.

Bayless would definitely be more fun to watch and have 50 times more upside as the back up PG, but he may not be the smart play to rely upon as the back up point.

Either way, that doesn’t discredit the other 80% of the piece.

Q: Is Greg favoring his knee?
Frye: He favors dunking on your head, that's what he favors.

by KP Corleone on May 6, 2009 7:46 PM PDT up reply actions  

I don't deal like to deal in absolutes

I think a team could win a title with Blake if the rest of the roster was good enough. However, given the Blazers situation, upgrading at the PG (particularly on D) seems like one of the most feasible ways to get better, hence my support for acquiring Hinrich.

by jksnake99 on May 6, 2009 7:50 PM PDT up reply actions  

But it does make a mockery of the other 80% no matter how true it is.

To use something true to support something not true is more misleading to people than an out and out farce;

which is what this redo is.

And yes. This team could win a title with Blake. That is not hard to imagine. I’m sure you are correct that it might be easier with other options, though.

by staylost on May 6, 2009 7:53 PM PDT up reply actions  

I don't think it should discredit everything else

Some of Ben’s other points were off base too – particularly his thing about taking all the threes Blake hit and distributing them to LMA and Oden. That’s nuts.

But there was some good stuff in there about why Blake is not the best option to rely upon as a starter.

I agree with you and jk, by the way, that the team COULD win a title with Blake.

But I don’t like to deal in absolutes, either – I prefer probabilities. And the team is much more likely to win a title with somebody like Hinrich (or another point guy who can still shoot, but who can also play D and create a little bit).

Q: Is Greg favoring his knee?
Frye: He favors dunking on your head, that's what he favors.

by KP Corleone on May 6, 2009 7:58 PM PDT up reply actions  

I thought Ben was well off base.

While it was well written, his arguments appeared to be, as jksnake says, written by Bayless’ agent.

hakkaa päälle !

by timg56 on May 7, 2009 8:09 AM PDT up reply actions  

You are saying that it is OK not to have any offense from your starting center?

Przybilla is elite in a few key ways, but he is also one of the worst in the NBA in a few other ways. Blake is “just competent”, but even in his weak areas (like defense) he is just a little below average instead of being absolutely awful.

I see Blake and Przybilla being at about the same level as players: both are below average starters who would be awesome as backups. The difference is that while Blake is going to be the starting PG for the foreseeable future unless there are some roster changes, Przybilla will soon be relegated to the bench by Greg Oden. If our #1 pick highly touted prospect were Derrick Rose instead of Greg Oden, people would probably be complaining about Przybilla while praising Blake for being such a great backup.

by trk on May 6, 2009 7:02 PM PDT up reply actions  

completely disagreed

Przybilla is awesome… best rebounder in the league, fantastic defender, stays within himself on offense…

He’s a top ten center in the league.

draft dejuan blair

by Cablinasian on May 6, 2009 7:04 PM PDT up reply actions  

Przybilla has some really major flaws

Can’t catch a pass reliably, cant dribble, can’t shoot unless he is within 5 feet of the basket, not very explosive at finishing. Sure he “stays within himself” but that does not change the fact that he is the most useless and unskilled player the Blazers have on offense.

Even his defense isn’t perfect. He is a good “goalie” type interior defender and defensive rebounded, but his man-to-man defense is mediocre. He struggles against both smaller quicker players (basically anyone who isn’t a center) and against bigger stronger centers like Shag or Yao. If Przybilla were really a fantastic defender the Blazers would not have been forced to double Yao off the ball when Przybilla was playing.

Przybilla is not a top 10 center in the NBA.

by trk on May 6, 2009 7:32 PM PDT up reply actions  

I'd say he's on the border

Howard, Yao, Duncan, Nene, Shaq, Bynum, Big Z, Okafor are all better than Joel. Additionally, (assuming these guys were all healthy) We could have a discussion about Okur, M. Gasol, Camby, Birdman, Kaman, Horford, Bogut and Noah. I’d take Joel over most of those guys though.

by jksnake99 on May 6, 2009 7:55 PM PDT up reply actions  

you could also debate about adding Al Jefferson in too

also Gasol and Duncan are debatable.

It depends on what you want to call their position

Best of Senator Clay Davis: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TI4-QyAzY64&feature=related

by cloudydays on May 6, 2009 8:00 PM PDT up reply actions  

I agree with that

Joel’s value to the Blazers may also be higher than his value would be to other teams. The Blazers had plenty of offensive firepower this year and NEED somebody to clean up the glass and play tough D more than they need the offense of somebody like, say, Big Z or Okur.

Q: Is Greg favoring his knee?
Frye: He favors dunking on your head, that's what he favors.

by KP Corleone on May 6, 2009 8:01 PM PDT up reply actions  

There is no such thing as having "plenty of offensive firepower"

Even teams with efficient offenses like the Blazers can still get better if they add more players with useful offensive skills to the lineup. The Blazers are OK on offense with Przybilla in the lineup, but they are significantly better with Oden in the lineup or when they go small without a center. Against defensive minded teams like Houston, adding a little extra offense to the lineup can make a noticeable difference.

In most cases I would rather have a 2-way player who is decent on both ends instead of a player who excels on one end of the court but is terrible on the other.

by trk on May 6, 2009 8:45 PM PDT up reply actions  

KP Corleone's point

Is that for the Blazers, having an 80/20 defense/offense center meets their needs better than a 50/50 center since one of the big weaknesses of the Blazers is their perimeter defense.

by DonkeyShins on May 7, 2009 10:14 AM PDT up reply actions  

I agree

Last year, at least, I think it would be difficult to credibly argue that Przy WASN’T a top ten center. He was the best rebounder in the league. He was a very strong defensive player.

Those two elite skills out of your center get a team much closer to the W than a point guard who can just hit threes and not turn the ball over (as Ben said, though, the only reason for that is never taking risks).

Try to name ten centers who are better than Przy. I bet you can’t get close. And if you do, I bet a few of them will be way off Przy’s contributions last year.

Q: Is Greg favoring his knee?
Frye: He favors dunking on your head, that's what he favors.

by KP Corleone on May 6, 2009 7:52 PM PDT up reply actions  

Well done

I wonder what the series would have been like if one of our centers could hit a 12 foot jumper. We may find out if Pau starts to hit.

Someone write PJ Brown and tell him about the excellent retirement communities in Oregon

"its tough to play with one eye, unless you're a pirate." Delonte West
"una canasta a Pau en la cara" Rudy

by Honka Playboy on May 6, 2009 4:39 PM PDT reply actions  

Funny thing...

Both Oden and Przy CAN hit 12-foot jumpers. I’ve seen them do it during warmups. I hope the Blazers decide to develop and utilize that ability. As it stands, Yao Ming was able to dominate defensively because the Blazers’ centers weren’t drawing him out of the lane.

Practically every center in the league has that little 12-foot jumper in his arsenal—but neither of the Blazers’ centers do. That needs to change, I think. You need to at least have the threat of your big man hitting those baby jumpers in order to keep the opponent’s defense honest.

"We don't back down to nobody." --Joel Przybilla

by hurryup09 on May 8, 2009 8:36 AM PDT up reply actions  

In an age where sarcasm is heavily and poorly over applied...

…you, sir have done it well. Is it me, or has there been an increase in proper application of sarcasm lately?

Of all the things that can be expressed in the printed word – love, hate, fear, joy – true humor is the one that is the most difficult of all. Sarcasm, for example, is an art of delicate subtlety. Yet too many people wield it as a bulldozer – loud, smelly, ugly, and destructive – and think they are being funny.

by T Darkstar on May 6, 2009 4:40 PM PDT reply actions  

Yes, though:

The Ministry of Proper Sarcasm Application (MPSA) claims the boom of late will not last.
*
“Overstimulation of proper sarcasm use occurred during the downturn in the early part of the decade,” the Ministry released in a statement last Monday. “Comments like ’Don’t let the Y2K monster get you!’ gave way to ‘Britney Spears is a virgin.’” In response the MPSA released a report showing that some sarcasm isn’t good. Other research has widely shown that as time goes by, proper use of sarcasm is positively correlated with a rise in all types of sarcasm, proper and otherwise.
*
Though the MPSA’s big yearly event last week, the Oscar Wilde Book Burning Festival, was a fiery success, the latest press conference took a more cautious stance.
*
“The rise in proper sarcasm application will, no doubt, attract many amateur sarcasm users.” The five year proper sarcasm forecast was adjusted downward by a quarter of a percent by the year 2014. Some observers say more cuts may be necessary.
*
In response to the gloomy news the Churchill Sarcasm Federation canceled their yearly conference in Johannesburg, South Africa, opting instead for a smaller emergency meeting in somewhere in Siberia. When asked whether they thought hard times for proper sarcasm use were ahead, they responded by rolling their eyes and mumbling, “Of course not, everything is fine!”
*
Heading forward, only one thing is certain. The MPSA totally has control of this situation…

by staylost on May 6, 2009 6:29 PM PDT up reply actions  

Haha! You got me...

after reading a few lines of text I was p’ed off and that Mike and Mike simultaneous joke was done before… I immediately went to the comments where others pointed out the satire and then remembered Ben’s article!

I think I would have figured it out if I had read the part about the ball-handling center but I bailed to the comments before getting there. Prez’s version is also funny.

by QuebecBlzrFan on May 6, 2009 4:56 PM PDT reply actions  

laughter is the best medicine

the edge continues the excellence…i can’t get enough

Blazers+Blazersedge=Mind Blown

by TappedPotential on May 6, 2009 4:59 PM PDT reply actions  

I would be pleased

If some national media picked this up (or merely mentioned it in passing) without knowing the back story.

by pxilpooshr on May 6, 2009 5:41 PM PDT reply actions  

In every bit of humor

There is a bit of truth…….

"I saw him in the face" Sergio's quote on the latest alley-oop to Rudy.

by blazermaniac32 on May 6, 2009 5:46 PM PDT reply actions  

I don't know of ANYBODY that praises Przybilla's low post scoring.

The majority of his points come off put-backs, with the very occasional pick and roll dunk (it seems the majority of these end up with Joel’s banana hands fumbling the pass and creating a turnover). I can count on one hand the number of times this season that Joel was fed a pass, back down his defender in the low post, and scored.

"Respect everyone, fear no one." -TP

by Arby on May 6, 2009 5:54 PM PDT reply actions  

hence the satire, and why prez'

Best of Senator Clay Davis: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TI4-QyAzY64&feature=related

by cloudydays on May 6, 2009 7:30 PM PDT up reply actions  

why prez's was better

I had a hard time deciding what the 3rd point should be, and i settled on scoring in the low post since it would be easier to edit ben’s original

Best of Senator Clay Davis: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TI4-QyAzY64&feature=related

by cloudydays on May 6, 2009 7:31 PM PDT up reply actions  

It is possible

to know the price of everything, and the value of nothing. That’s from a Persian fellow I once knew. Words to carry with you always in all fields of life.

by oregonslee on May 6, 2009 6:29 PM PDT reply actions  

That could come from Khyam

or any of the NassrEddin tales, or any of a million folk stories or poems. You know.

by oregonslee on May 6, 2009 6:43 PM PDT reply actions  

So it actually was some Persian fellow you knew,

not a metaphorical friend you found through reading someone’s writings. Sorry for the misunderstanding.

They are important words indeed.

by staylost on May 6, 2009 6:52 PM PDT up reply actions  

Not a metaphor

but real flesh and blood beer drinking poker playing buddy.

by oregonslee on May 6, 2009 7:01 PM PDT up reply actions  

Nice!

Well played, sir.

I know less than half of you half as well as I should like, and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.

by haildablazer on May 6, 2009 7:06 PM PDT reply actions  

haha!

Loved both of the parodies. I was also a bit stunned by the anti-Blake rant on O-live.

From what I saw, Blake did a much better job on Brooks in games two through six than he did in game one, and while game one might have been the glaring problem in that series it couldn’t have possibly come down to Blake losing Brooks which lost that game when no one except Brandon looked like they were ready to play.

Blake should just grow a few more sets of arms so that he can defend in all directions when others on the team are trying to figure out what they’re doing there.

"She turned me into a newt!
A newt?
...I got better."

by Seijeff on May 7, 2009 10:35 PM PDT reply actions  

If I wanted to read a book

I would buy a kindle…

I have my P.h.D in unreliable hyperbole.

by Eat Politicians on May 8, 2009 12:52 AM PDT reply actions  

Heaven forbid

you would be caught reading a book.

—Dave

by Dave on May 8, 2009 1:51 AM PDT up reply actions  

Prz is a medicore starter and a great back-up

Are there people who think differently? Unfortunately this season Oden was even more mediocre as the starter.

Blazer Fan

by leeroyjenkins on May 8, 2009 9:26 AM PDT reply actions  

Pryzbilla is the BEST BACKUP CENTER in the league

It would be stupid to trade away pryzbilla or oden and the last thing we need is another center. Next year we will have the best center rotation in the league and we need to keep pryzbilla because his contract expires the same year oden needs a contract extension.

by philthebballplayer on May 9, 2009 11:12 AM PDT reply actions  

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