Get over it

I hate drug tests. In the navy the master at arms would stand in the urinal stall next to us and pretend he was going, then he’d stick his head over the divider and look right at my junk. I always had to drink about 6 Mtn Dews and a ton a coffee, then be on the verge of exploding before I could go with the meat gazer at my side. To this day, I can’t go potty at sporting events if the urinal is a trough.

Sounds like Quick crossed the line… hopefully the team won’t cut back his access.

Sounds like Oden was nervous… hopefully he won’t be suspended for playoff games. (I don’t care if he tests positive, as long as he doesn’t have to serve a suspension this season/post-season)

Here’s the cached page: Link

Here’s the text in case they get that removed… I know we normally don’t copy entire articles, but this one may never come back. If it gets put back up on O-Live, I will flag this comment to get it deleted.

By Jason Quick:

What a way to close out the road schedule.

And I’m not referring in any way to what the Trail Blazers did on the court Saturday night, when they struggled, but willed themselves to an 87-72 victory over the Los Angeles Clippers at the Staples Center.

Because out of sight from the 18,321 at the Staples Center and the legion of Blazers fans around the world, there was a mini-drama unfolding before the game behind the Blazers locker room door.

When Nature doesn’t call

Saturday, you see, the NBA decided to spring random drug tests on four Blazers players: Greg Oden, Jerryd Bayless, Sergio Rodriguez and Joel Przybilla.

NBA players are randomly tested anywhere from four to six times a season. Usually, the tests are administered on a game day, at the team’s morning shootaround. Once a player has been notified and engages in the screening process, he is not to leave the supervision of a monitor until the monitor observes him providing an adequate sample of urine.

As the players note, the event can take hours. Sometimes, having a man watch you urinate can be, well, uncomfortable. In locker room vernacular, it’s called stage fright. Other times, nature just doesn’t feel like calling.

The problem on Saturday was that the Blazers didn’t have a morning shootaround because they arrived in Los Angeles in Saturday’s early-morning hours after taking off from Portland immediately following their Friday night victory over the Lakers.

So, the tests were to be administered at the arena.

“This is the first time they have just showed up and did it,‘’ said Blazers athletic trainer Jay Jensen, who is handed the list of players to be tested. "Normally, they tell you ahead of time.’’

For Oden, there was little drama … for him. His monitor, on the other hand, might have a different story.

You see, Oden doesn’t like to go No. 1 in the presence of other people.

“I get shy,’’ he says.

So in order to provide a sample, he has to go No. 2.

“The poor guy,‘’ Oden said matter-of-factly. "I apologized to him.’’

Przybilla, meanwhile, just didn’t have to go. He started chugging Gatorade and bottled water, one after the other, all while pacing around the locker room.

Rodriguez sat in the testing room _ Dressing Room 5 _ which was directly across the hall from the Blazers locker room. Dressing Room 5 has a television mounted from the ceiling, a black leather couch, a mirror with light bulbs around it, and a bathroom. Three men in suits with NBA credentials around their necks follow the players around like secret service men.

Rodriguez is one of the more particular Blazers when it comes to a pregame workout routine. He likes to run on a treadmill when he arrives at the arena to loosen up his legs and get a sweat going. Then he likes to shoot on the court once all his teammates are done with their warmup.

The test is threatening his schedule.

Back in the locker room, Przybilla says he is on his 10th 12-ounce Gatorade. He said he was able to give a sample, but the monitors said it wasn’t enough.

“I was that much short,‘’ Przybilla says, holding his fingers apart the width of a Q-tip. "My problem now is that with all these Gatorades, I’m going to be going back to the bathroom 20 times during the game.’’

Travis Outlaw can relate to Przybilla’s dilemma. Outlaw a couple of weeks ago reached his four-test minimum with flying colors.

“The last one, I got on out of there,’’ he said proudly.

His third test, though, he couldn’t come through in the clutch no matter how hard he tried and no matter how much water he drank. He was at the Blazers’ practice facility in Tualatin after a shootaround, and after waiting and trying, he decided he might as well go out and shoot baskets. So, his monitor came out and watched him shoot.

“I’m just shy, you know?‘’ Outlaw said. "I mean, the guy is like looking over your shoulder. It’s like somebody at a stall looking over at you.’’

If a player is unable to provide a sample before a game, he can not enter the locker room after the game until he has completed the test. If he is still unable to give a sample, he can not accompany the team to the next city. The current Blazers have never had that instance, but during the Maurice Cheeks era a player was unable to provide a sample in Chicago, and his monitor had to spend the night in his hotel room until he filled the cup in the morning.

Rodriguez was becoming more anxious. His inability to provide a sample was now cutting into his time on the treadmill, and he was eager to finish the test because it would be his fourth of the season.

Usually, he says he has no problem. The only other time it was an issue was when he was playing at the World Championships in Japan for Spain. He said when he couldn’t fill a cup there, they first gave him six Gatorades and five bottles of water. When that didn’t do the trick, they gave him beers.

“I think I had two,‘’ Rodriguez said, smiling. "After that, I was peeing for three hours.’’

Back in the locker room, Przybilla switches from Gatorade to water.

“I think I’m ready,‘’ he announces before taking two more swigs. "Yep. I’m ready.’’

Across the hall in Dressing Room 5, all three Blazers test subjects are now inside. Bayless is awaiting his paper work, having just finished his sample. Rodriguez is waiting for bathroom clearance and Przybilla is absently watching the television, which has a show about dolphins airing.

Bayless is granted clearance, and is presented with a pink slip, which he crumples with some irritation as he hurries out of the room. It’s 6:35, less than an hour before game time and nearly all of the warmup time has elapsed.

Assistant Bill Bayno, who usually works out with all four players on the court, roams the back hall with his familiar arm pads, which he uses to swat at the players to simulate game-like contact.

Usually, Bayno is covered in sweat this close to game time. Tonight, there’s not a bead on him as he twirls the arm pads our of boredom in the hallway.

“Sometimes you have to wonder about the rhyme and reason of these tests,’’ Bayno says.

A peek inside Dressing Room 5 shows Przybilla red-faced and sitting on the black leather couch. Rodriguez has beaten him to the punch and is in the bathroom.

The time is 6:40. The Blazers team meeting is nearing.

Przybilla goes back into the locker room and gets another Gatorade. Five minutes later, Sergio is at the station where he gets his pink slip of freedom.

As he reaches the doorway, he takes one look back at Przybilla, still stewing on the couch.

“Good luck, buddy!‘’ Sergio says in his upbeat, carefree way. Now out of the room, Rodriguez exhales. "Whoooo!’’

“I got lucky,‘’ he says after the game. "Ten more minutes and the team meeting started. I was hoping, hoping, hoping I could pee. It’s usually at shootaround, which is better. You have time.’’

Now, the players are starting to flood back into the locker room. Steve Blake, who has had three of his tests administered this year, coughs as he jogs back into the locker room. He has been fighting a cold for three weeks now and is constantly seen sucking on cough drops.

Soon, everybody has reported back, except Przybilla. Assistant coach Kaleb Canales is sent across the hall to check on the starting center’s status. One of the suits says Przybilla is in the process of trying again.

Eventually, assistant Joe Prunty comes out into the hall, and he is a little more agitated.

Finally, at 7:05 p.m., 25 minutes before game time, Przybilla emerges. The ordeal is over, but so is the team meeting.

A slow start

While the drug test drama was unfolding, the other players were left in limbo. The Staples Center court was not ready for basketball when the Blazers arrived. In fact, the basketball standards weren’t even upright.

Staples Center on Saturday afternoon hosted a National Hockey League game between San Jose and Los Angeles (the Kings won, 4-3), and the arena was late in being transitioned from an ice rink to a basketball court. It left the players to wander the halls or mingle in the locker room when they would usually be out shooting.

Perhaps that’s why the Blazers started 1-for-11 from the field and the Clippers 1-for-7. In addition to their field goal woes, the Blazers started by making only 5-of-9 free throws. Two of those misses were by Rodriguez, who blamed them on his fouled up pregame routine because of his drug test.

Keeping perspective

About the only pregame activity that went on without a hitch was Chapel. Before every NBA game, the home team provides a chaplain who holds a quick service for both the home and visiting players.

At home, about 10 of the 15 Blazers attend Chapel. On the road, there are four regulars: Oden, Channing Frye, Shavlik Randolph and Michael Ruffin. Canales, an assistant coach, and Bobby Medina, the strength and conditioning coach, also attend Chapel at home and on the road.

“A lot of guys don’t get to go to church at all because of our schedules,‘’ Medina says. "Now, there’s not much we can do in 10 minutes, but it’s more of an inspirational type of thing, to keep your focus, and to keep things in perspective. Because it’s easy to lose that perspective.’’

Medina, who is in his 12th season with the team, says the Blazers have one of the strongest chapel gatherings in the league in the Rose Garden. The sessions are held in the team’s weight room and are presided over by Al Egg.

“Al does a great job, and even back when we had Bonzi and those guys, it was always very well attended,‘’ Medina said. "I like it because it keeps me grounded.’’

Speaking of being grounded …

The Blazers have won four in a row and eight of the past nine, but they are doing it without much help from one of their big offensive guns, Travis Outlaw.

On Saturday, Outlaw was 3-for-14 from the field, which came one night after he went 2-for-8 against the Lakers.

“It’s just a slump,‘’ Outlaw said. "My shot just feels off. But I’m glad it’s happening now and not in the playoffs. And you know me, that ain’t going to stop me from shooting.’’

Outlaw’s slump actually extends beyond the past two games and he figures he knows the root of his ails. Ever since he sprained his right pinky finger late in the game against Philadelphia, his shot has been astray.

“My three-ball, definitely,‘’ Outlaw said. "Brandon says I’m making excuses, but it’s tender.’’

In the nine games since suffering the injury, Outlaw is 4-of-22 from three-point range (18.2 percent). In the past 13 games, Outlaw is 6-for-36 from beyond the arc (16.7 percent). Inside the three-point line he is fine, hitting 38-of-86 (44.1 percent) since the pinky problem.

Outlaw said he plans to address the slump by shooting more and working harder in pregame warmups.

“I’ve already started shooting more than normal now in pregame,‘’ Outlaw said. "And now I’m really sweating out there. Before, I would take five or so shots at one place then move on. But now, I’m really sweating out there.’’

And finally …

Coach Nate McMillan said he has done away with the idea of moving Oden back into the starting lineup. The job will remain Przybilla’s throughout the playoffs.

“The lineup is working, so I don’t see changing that,’’ McMillan said.

I’d go #2 in their container, then pee like a race horse in the toilet as they are sealing it up.

as of Sunday morn, 8am.

everyone assumes that what J.Q. writes is an ‘article’ because it’s on oregonlive.com , but his posts don’t seem to be subject to typical Oregonian editing processes before a real news article would go to print. can you imagine this ‘story’ being in the printed Sunday Oregonian?

yea its more costly then a urinalysis, but how much does the secret service guys cost? Not to mention the price of having someone there to make sure someone doesn’t pull a wizzinator out their jock.

Quick probably went over the line. Canzano got in some trouble because of that stunt with Damon when he administered his own random drug test. I would not be suprised if the CBA stipulates the tests are supposed to be “confidential”. The thing here is now this opens the door for anybody to ask follow-ups, i.e., what were the results of those tests. I think first offenses for some offenses, like pot, do not even merit a suspension, but do require some sort of treatment. I believe in events like this the results are not to be publicized, probably per the CBA.

Quick stuff has been generally good lately, but the bodily function angles of his articles, e.g., farting episodes, have seemed really unneccessary, and possibly, a tad invasive for mass consumption, if not a tad crude. That could be part or all of why the article was pulled also.

I think with the web postings, the posters may not have an editors oversite.

Ug. I had just about gotten over my heebee jeebies regarding Quick’s articles about Oden and himself earlier in the season.

Not too bright of Quick if something like this is the case.

A link at Dwight Jaynes’ site still leads directly to what appears to be the original O-live article. I cannot copy the article me due to the device I am using does not have copy and paste. Dave provides a link to Jaynes’ site in the blogroll.

This has to be a joke right…..I mean how is it helpful for the test takers if Greg Oden drops a deuce? To the best of my knowledge you cant test for THC, opiates, or any other banned substance in human excrement. Also not to get too caught in the details, but how exactly would GO defaecate into small jar? Haha oh man…. Regardless of the authenticity of Quick’s article I think its hilarious. Great crack journalism…

This whole thing of random drug testing is an invasion of privacy and against the 4th amendment.

U.S. Constitution: Fourth Amendment

Fourth Amendment – Search and Seizure

Amendment Text | Annotations

The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized.

It’s disgusting that these guys are having their rights taken away because they happen to be in the NBA.

I know there are attorneys in the Bedge family. What is your take on this issue?

Confirmation from the Quick article above (assuming that’s not deleted)…

At home, about 10 of the 15 Blazers attend Chapel.

Perhaps that’s why the Blazers started 1-for-11 from the field and the Clippers 1-for-7. In addition to their field goal woes, the Blazers started by making only 5-of-9 free throws. Two of those misses were by Rodriguez, who blamed them on his fouled up pregame routine because of his drug test.

On Saturday, Outlaw was 3-for-14 from the field, which came one night after he went 2-for-8 against the Lakers.

"It’s just a slump,‘’ Outlaw said. "My shot just feels off. But I’m glad it’s happening now and not in the playoffs. And you know me, that ain’t going to stop me from shooting.’’

Coach Nate McMillan said he has done away with the idea of moving Oden back into the starting lineup. The job will remain Przybilla’s throughout the playoffs.

"The lineup is working, so I don’t see changing that,’’ McMillan said.

t…m….i….

the point where the players can reasonably expect privacy. I feel dirty after reading some of his articles.

We just don’t need that much info.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DWw9tboDtrg

In my opinion, Gattaca might quite possibly be the most all-time underrated movie.

some thoughtful commentary about this, but for some strange reason have to go to the bathroom now…

M.

The article isn’t potty humor, just a story about how the tests messyed up their day.

that there is such a thing as too much info

Otherwise they could hide a bag of urine in their vagina. Way better than a fake penis. Imagine it.

http://blog.oregonlive.com/behindblazersbeat/2009/04/behind_the_blazers_locker_room_12.html

Everybody calm down.

When does the sniffling, snot, hawk a loogy article come out.

Oh, oh, oh, …do you think Quick can fill us in when the Doc say’s turn to the left and cough three times….and that part where Doc say’s bend over. Now don’t forget to put your glove on Doc.

Sorry, I have to leave this thread, my back teeth are floating from a flood of TMI.

What in the world am I doing, why am I still here. I should have posted this comment about 35 #1’s ago, or 12 #2’s ago. Now I really gotta pee.

One of Greg’s myspace friends used to have a photo of him dropping a deuce. She seems to have removed it now. Probably a good thing.

either its a pretty stupid joke or a pretty personal issue made public, regardless, don’t want to hear about it

i thought it was pretty silly myself. I myself felt like i wasted my time. i honestly don’t care about the knitty gritty of drug testing