The Real Dave
by prezofdeath on Apr 1, 2009 1:34 AM PDT
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PrintDave has long tried to suppress this from getting out, but my sources tell me SB Nation is undergoing a change today that will make him temporarily UNABLE to ban me or delete this fanpost! So, I bring you what Dave has gone to great lengths to hide--the real Dave.
First, a story that ran almost a year ago:
LOS ANGELES, CA -- In a shocking development, blog owner and author Dave Deckard of BlazersEdge.com was spotted at Staples Center wearing a Kobe Bryant jersey and cheering for the Lakers. He said he has been on a quote, "spiritual journey" that has "enlightened him" to the true merits of the Lakers, and Kobe Bryant in particular.
"Kobe practically invented this game," said Deckard. "We didn't see players of his caliber after Jordan left the league. The Blazers were boring, always getting into the playoffs but never quite achieving."
Deckard continued, "We needed someone to come in and become a rival. Kobe did that perfectly. He revived our league. He revived the Western Conference. Without him, where would we be?"
He went on to say, "My fellow Blazer fans have taken to hating him; I think we should be appreciative of all he's done for the league, and the Blazer organization in particular. He deserves nothing but praise and adoration for the great things he hath done. Praise Kobe!"
We'll keep you posted as this story continues to develop.
Obviously, Bedgers of the time where shocked:
JTDuck22: Is that a picture of you Dave?...Or should I say traitor!
iDea: I’d rather get caught with a prostitute…....
jksnake9: Dave has some 'splaining to do.
Dave? What would your congregation think?
After all, if you take the numbers on Kobe’s jersey (24) and add them together, you get 6. Kobe’s won three rings, so three sixes is…
666!
Kobe Bryant is the anticrhist!
Even Ben. said, "oh geez" when shown the evidence.
Finally, the bomb dropped. Dave himself admitted his Laker fandom:
HaHA! YES!Now that we have the new platform I can finally admit it. I am a Laker fan! I have been one all along! Kareem is the greatest center ever! Kobe is dreamy! I HEART SHAQUILLE O’NEAL! This whole blog was an attempt to bring you down from the inside!
There, I have said it! You don’t like it? My pic is right there. I’m a little older now, with a little less hair, but I basically look the same. I’m going to be hanging around Portland for the next few weeks. Find me and smack me upside the head! I dare you! Make sure it’s a surprise, though. You wouldn’t want me to see you coming and defend myself.
GO LAKERS!
—Dave
That almost one year ago. I got in touch with some Bedgers who hadn't previously seen "the real Dave." Here were some of their responses:
Norsktroll via email: I knew it. Never can trust them non-Norweigians.
Blazerfan1 via Facebook message: WHAT?! How could he DO SUCH A THING? I thought that crook was crooked when I read his Facebook survey....DAHH I can't believe I took a picture with that Jars of Clay lovin', anti-women's suffrage Kobe Hugger!!
Broyposse via text message: I couldn't figure out why he wouldn't let me buy him a drink or cheeseburger sliders at Bedge night....now I know! He's just TOO GOOD to accept food from a Blazers fan. Stupid L*ker Lover.
RoodiePhirnandizz via Xbox Live Chat: No wonder that fool doesn't have a playoff beard!
Twiggs via email: I knew something was fishy when he wrote that blasphemous post a while back. This confirms my deepest, darkest suspicions.
Mortimer via Twitter: PREZ SHOWED ME THE PIC! oh my gosh! I thought I saw a dude who looked like Dave w/ a Kobe jersey down in L.A. last week. I can't believe it!
Lizzy Lowblow via Open Thread: Go Balzers!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Should action be taken? Will we allow this blatant show of Laker fandom to run rampant across our beloved blog? Or will we rise up and do something about it?
The choice is yours, Blazers Edge. You now know the real Dave Deckard.
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win
OH! HE JAMS WITH TWO HANDS! You gotta be kidding me!
Now don't get too excited Bayless, We'll let MB do that -
No get excited! TELL EM WHERE YOU'RE FROM!
HOW. DARE. YOU.
I can use too many words in ANY medium!
140 characters is like a cruel joke :-(
I heard Dave has a Rick Fox tattoo on his bicep, surrounded by a heart. On the other bicep are Asiany characters that he thinks means “Showtime” but actually means “Turtle soda hopscotch pudding breath”.
Mortimer
by Mortimer on Apr 1, 2009 3:21 AM PDT up reply actions 1 recs
Only for my imposter!
I’d be flattered by MortimerBE if he wasn’t always doing sexual assault jokes about my dog. HE CROSSED THE LINE, PAL.
Now, http://twitter.com/TheMortimer, THAT is a good Mortimer impersonation. He can do a joke about burning down my house that will really make you think.
It’s a shame about Dave… just when ya think you know someone.
Da_REAL_Mortimer
i have a
490px × 720px version of it i can send you…but it’s up to morty
si usted puede leer esto, el grito.
I graciously give you permission to let Saboner look at it
He may save it to his computer for 36 hrs, after which he must delete the picture or pay me $7.95 a month for viewing rights.
I am nothing if not generous.
Mortimer
I forget
But it was for Dime.com or Slam.com or sumthin’.
An artist did a nice drawing like this for each team. I saved it back when he did it.
I’m usually good at remembering this sorta’ thang, I am ashamed I don’t ’member!
Mortimer
FOUND IT
http://slamonline.com/online/columnists/the-links/2008/01/links-nba-friday-vi/
An artist named Joel Kimmel did it. http://www.joelkimmel.com/
I still think I deserve money for bringing this picture to national attention by using it as my wallpaper on my Twitter page. That dude would be nothing without me. NOTHING.
Mortianzo
Best Tweet ever. That might make me re-activate my account again just to stal...follow you
@prezofdeath My tweets are coming FROM INSIDE YOUR HOUSE.
about 15 hours ago from web in reply to prezofdeath
by Norsktroll on Apr 1, 2009 9:19 AM PDT up reply actions 2 recs
I prefer just getting English words tattooed
it’s not as trendy as the Chinese characters, but I don’t have to translate what “Water and Love” means to everyone.
"It’s a good ol’ fashioned Rip City beat down!"
he's around every once in a while
but yeh, I hardly see hide or hair of him these days…
si usted puede leer esto, el grito.
"You now know the real Dave Deckard"
My funny story bad: I asked Ben and Dave to send me their pictures so I could order their caricatures to Paco. Ben sent me two or three good photos, in one of them he was with a friend. Dave forgot it. The caricatutres project was more complex than just to order the work to Paco and took me some time. By the moment I´d compiled all the material Paco needed I revisited the photos, I don´t know why, other than I´m an idiot, I made in my mind the idea that Ben´s friend was Dave. Now Dave has a Dave caricature of Ben´s friend. Wonder wether they want to do something about it or not. :)
Sergio + Rudy = 16
Sergio + Bayless = 16
Batum 8+8=16
by amlmart1 on Apr 1, 2009 4:38 AM PDT reply actions 4 recs
I think it's more along the lines
Of a couple who went through a bitter divorce and have joint custody of a kid.
Poor Dave..... :( I bet it was the jazz game that did it....
I hope he get’s his marbles back in order before we win our first round, I’m gonna need someone to explain to me how exactly we accoplished that feat…
The Faith don't panic, the faith freaks out burns out farms and torchs small villages in the name of The Faith.
I have me all the time...
but it don’t make me feel any better about my pick up lines.
:)
The Faith don't panic, the faith freaks out burns out farms and torchs small villages in the name of The Faith.
I was always suspicious
more so after Bedge night. I asked him if he if he was an Outlaw fan and he just rolled his eyes before turning and walking away harumpfing.
I AM A PORTLAND TRAIL BLAZERS SUPPORTER.
Thank you prez
for your wonderful journalistic and detective like skills. Well done.
I Blazersedge daily, nightly and ever so rightly.
hahaha you da man Prez...exploit them for who we thought they were
I want the Blazers to win a title...and help the children
More evidence: A picture of Dave's Car
From the back of Travis Outlaw's Franz card: Travis leads the team in monstrous thunder dunks, wins awards for post game interviews, and often gets extra points for degree of difficulty.
From the back of Greg Oden's Franz card: Nickname: Jaws. Has an insatiable desire to tear rims apart while cruising the open court, and was once interested in using head-gear for his profession.
I too have a confession to make. You might know that I'm also supporting the Mavericks, but not that in reality this is me:
Yes, I’m Da Real Don Knobler, DSFW real estate entrepreneur and season-ticket holder of the first hour (aka the Mav Daddy to all Dallas cheerleaders, my lady pictured to the right). My goal is to drive Mark Cuban into a mental asylum by sitting courtside opposite from him wearing crazy costumes, jumping up and down at inopportune moments and waiving glow sticks. I also have pictures that I plan to send to his wife. If he comes over and punches me in the face, I will sue him so he has to settle by selling the team to me and Ross Perot. Go Mavs!
Good for Mark
She looks like a nice, intelligent lady.
Then I rose, wiping the blunts ash from my clothes
Then froze only to blow the herb smoke through my nose
Well done, prez!
No comment from Dave? Let’s hope it’s because he’s spending the rest of the day saying his Hail Marys.
i'm waiting for dave to comment on this
but it take him another week to figure out how seeding actually works anymore, confutatis. maybe he’s still getting over the l@kers getting swept by the ’cats?
LOL
i dont know what to do to this post other than rec it…
"I don't know Twitter" - Rudy Fernandez
by RoodiePhirnandizz on Apr 1, 2009 12:34 PM PDT reply actions
Very nice!
I always wondered about that Dave guy…
Give the man his "M"!!!
by you'vegottomakeyourfreethrows on Apr 1, 2009 1:14 PM PDT reply actions
Recently bought a picture to hang overlooking my computer screen
one that could be an image for Dave
The Man with the Golden Helmet
http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,960416,00.html
But in the Maze of Bedge, who are the painters and the paintees?
http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,960416,00.html
RIP Dave Thomas
a very interesting character. – Elgin
Blazers win BDL 2 on 2 tournament!
Skeets: i’ll close it down now … congrats. you bastards
it didn't really foster any kind of meaningful discussion
and was really only relevant on april 1
whoever wrote it shoulda asked people to unrec it on april 2.
cloudydays: what does BRP mean?
broyposse: short way to say my screen name.
cloudydays: ohhhh...i thought it meant blazer related post or something so you don’t get yelled at for being OT
That guy is only in it for the recs
He doesn’t care about THE BEDGE.
M.
by Mortimer on Apr 3, 2009 11:02 AM PDT up reply actions 1 recs
i should change my name to prezoftherecmongers
cloudydays: what does BRP mean?
broyposse: short way to say my screen name.
cloudydays: ohhhh...i thought it meant blazer related post or something so you don’t get yelled at for being OT
i decided to look that up because i don't know what you're talking about
and it came up with a town apparently named after Joel. They must love him there.
cloudydays: what does BRP mean?
broyposse: short way to say my screen name.
cloudydays: ohhhh...i thought it meant blazer related post or something so you don’t get yelled at for being OT
I would take a bullet for Bedge, would you?
cloudydays: what does BRP mean?
broyposse: short way to say my screen name.
cloudydays: ohhhh...i thought it meant blazer related post or something so you don’t get yelled at for being OT
that would be a shame
Goodbye Deke. The NBA will miss Mt. Mutombo.
by prezofdeath on Apr 25, 2009 12:33 AM PDT up reply actions
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