FanPost

The Real Dave

Dave has long tried to suppress this from getting out, but my sources tell me SB Nation is undergoing a change today that will make him temporarily UNABLE to ban me or delete this fanpost! So, I bring you what Dave has gone to great lengths to hide--the real Dave. 

First, a story that ran almost a year ago:

LOS ANGELES, CA -- In a shocking development, blog owner and author Dave Deckard of BlazersEdge.com was spotted at Staples Center wearing a Kobe Bryant jersey and cheering for the Lakers. He said he has been on a quote, "spiritual journey" that has "enlightened him" to the true merits of the Lakers, and Kobe Bryant in particular.

 

"Kobe practically invented this game," said Deckard. "We didn't see players of his caliber after Jordan left the league. The Blazers were boring, always getting into the playoffs but never quite achieving."

 

Deckard continued, "We needed someone to come in and become a rival. Kobe did that perfectly. He revived our league. He revived the Western Conference. Without him, where would we be?"

 

He went on to say, "My fellow Blazer fans have taken to hating him; I think we should be appreciative of all he's done for the league, and the Blazer organization in particular. He deserves nothing but praise and adoration for the great things he hath done. Praise Kobe!"

 

We'll keep you posted as this story continues to develop.

Obviously, Bedgers of the time where shocked:

JTDuck22: Is that a picture of you Dave?...Or should I say traitor!

iDea: I’d rather get caught with a prostitute…....  

jksnake9: Dave has some 'splaining to do.

EngineerScotty:

Dave? What would your congregation think?

After all, if you take the numbers on Kobe’s jersey (24) and add them together, you get 6. Kobe’s won three rings, so three sixes is…

666!

Kobe Bryant is the anticrhist!

Even Ben. said, "oh geez" when shown the evidence.

Finally, the bomb dropped. Dave himself admitted his Laker fandom:

HaHA! YES!

Now that we have the new platform I can finally admit it. I am a Laker fan! I have been one all along! Kareem is the greatest center ever! Kobe is dreamy! I HEART SHAQUILLE O’NEAL! This whole blog was an attempt to bring you down from the inside!

There, I have said it! You don’t like it? My pic is right there. I’m a little older now, with a little less hair, but I basically look the same. I’m going to be hanging around Portland for the next few weeks. Find me and smack me upside the head! I dare you! Make sure it’s a surprise, though. You wouldn’t want me to see you coming and defend myself.

GO LAKERS!

—Dave

That almost one year ago. I got in touch with some Bedgers who hadn't previously seen "the real Dave." Here were some of their responses:

Norsktroll via email: I knew it. Never can trust them non-Norweigians.

Blazerfan1 via Facebook message: WHAT?! How could he DO SUCH A THING? I thought that crook was crooked when I read his Facebook survey....DAHH I can't believe I took a picture with that Jars of Clay lovin', anti-women's suffrage Kobe Hugger!!

Broyposse via text message: I couldn't figure out why he wouldn't let me buy him a drink or cheeseburger sliders at Bedge night....now I know! He's just TOO GOOD to accept food from a Blazers fan. Stupid L*ker Lover.

RoodiePhirnandizz via Xbox Live Chat: No wonder that fool doesn't have a playoff beard!

Twiggs via email: I knew something was fishy when he wrote that blasphemous post a while back. This confirms my deepest, darkest suspicions.

Mortimer via Twitter: PREZ SHOWED ME THE PIC! oh my gosh! I thought I saw a dude who looked like Dave w/ a Kobe jersey down in L.A. last week. I can't believe it!

Lizzy Lowblow via Open Thread: Go Balzers!

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Should action be taken? Will we allow this blatant show of Laker fandom to run rampant across our beloved blog? Or will we rise up and do something about it?

The choice is yours, Blazers Edge. You now know the real Dave Deckard.

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