Tony Luftman Drinking Game

by Visionary1 on Mar 16, 2009 10:24 PM PDT Comment 69 comments

I love my Blazers. Watch (almost) every game. Live in the valley, so can’t get DirecTV anymore, and it’s only OK because I get the Blazers on Comcast. Which is awesome. Love Mike, Mike and Rebecca. Love to read Blazers edge, catch up on all the news, listen to Quick on the Game, listen to the Fan, read the Oregonian…

So I want to revel in the highlights of Blazer victories on the post game shows (and, when they start out well, on the halftime highlights). But Tony Luftman has made that very hard for me to enjoy. Until tonight. As any Comcast viewer will tell you, let’s just say that Tony has a fairly limited working vocabulary. So tonite I invented the…

Tony Luftman Drinking Game!

Whenever Tony says any of his favorite clichés, yell it out, and if you are first, everybody else has to take a drink (if you’re watching yourself, drink, and try to keep track, and see if Tony can beat his old record – tonight was 22). Feel free to track your own, but to get you started, here are:

Tony’s all-time favorite clichés:

“Very impressive” (I counted 3 occurrences tonite, if you count ‘really’ impressive as one…)

“That’s fantastic” (only once tonight, but he’s as consistent with this as BRoy is for 20, 5 and 5…)

“Tell them what they’ve won Michael” – (I only counted twice tonite, but I swear the over/under is 4)

If that’s not enough celebration/diversion for you, you could always expand with any of Tony’s favorite words:

“partner” (3 times tonite, twice in less than 10 seconds, a new Luftman cliche record!),

“specTACular” (another very consistent, LA jumper like, performer)

“rolls on”, “move on”, “cruising on”. “coasting” (please, do what you say, Tony...)

“the Association” (OK, only twice tonight, but I just hate this one, and not from just Tony – I immediately punch to the Fan anytime CIP (Chump in Portland) says “a-SO----she-A-shun”… gimme a break)

And of course, whenever you hear Tony say

“Back out to Mike, Mike, And Rebecca” – everybody CHUG and FILL, because we’re leaving Tony and returning to the Blazers game!

Hope this helps all Comcast viewers enjoy their game more…

Visionary1

17 recs | Comment 69 comments

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Comments

best idea

since turning off the half time show with a timer set for when to return

by lurtsman on Mar 16, 2009 10:29 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs

Good God man!

You’ll kill us all!

by Bedhead on Mar 16, 2009 10:30 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs

only the weak ones.

"There are a few teams you have to watch out for in the fourth quarter."
"Yeah, but Portland definitely is not one of them."

-New Orleans Hornets broadcasters at the end of the third quarter with the Hornets leading 74-59. Portland later ends up winning 97-89.

"They don't mind him shooting that shot at all. Rudy Fernandez is not that great of a 3pt shooter."

-New Orleans Hornets broadcasters right after a Rudy Fernandez missed 3pter. Rudy Fernandez finished the game with three 3pters on six attempts.

by Tofu Anonymous on Mar 16, 2009 10:30 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

People would get very drunk I imagine

I Blazersedge daily, nightly and ever so rightly.

by Claire on Mar 16, 2009 10:31 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs

better than suffering through the show...

rec’

RUDY > MJ

by myemic23 on Mar 16, 2009 10:34 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

he is just awful

it is tragic funny angering and pathetic all rolled into one to watch tony and michael take us through halftime. mb called him “coach holton” today, its so telling that u of portland was always so awful when he was there. by far the biggest issue with this organization

I am starting the coalition to BRING BACK IKE.

by DNP (CD) on Mar 16, 2009 10:34 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs

It's funny

cuz we know that Michael knows that Tony is taking down his career.

Then I rose, wiping the blunts ash from my clothes
Then froze only to blow the herb smoke through my nose

by Illmatic88 on Mar 16, 2009 10:36 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

Tony Luftman is to the Blazers...

as a giant duece is to a beautiful lawn.

Then I rose, wiping the blunts ash from my clothes
Then froze only to blow the herb smoke through my nose

by Illmatic88 on Mar 16, 2009 10:35 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs

i was about to say that would make a good sig

but the one you have is legit

I am starting the coalition to BRING BACK IKE.

by DNP (CD) on Mar 16, 2009 10:36 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

Gotta

do the album justice on Blazers Edge.

Then I rose, wiping the blunts ash from my clothes
Then froze only to blow the herb smoke through my nose

by Illmatic88 on Mar 16, 2009 10:38 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

hip hops finest

I am starting the coalition to BRING BACK IKE.

by DNP (CD) on Mar 16, 2009 10:42 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

It might be

The only album of any genre that is widely accepted as the greatest ever.

Then I rose, wiping the blunts ash from my clothes
Then froze only to blow the herb smoke through my nose

by Illmatic88 on Mar 16, 2009 10:45 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

What kills me...

Wasn’t that album produced by MC Serch?

That’s probably it’s only flaw…

"Now, you take a bobcat or a Jayhawk. You know they'll run if you give 'em the chance. But when one don't run, why, you shoot him and shoot him quick. Raef's my dog, Pa. I've gotta do what's right..." Old Yeller (1957)

by RoyGoesTheDynamite on Mar 17, 2009 3:06 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

Wikipedia to the rescue

It had four primary producers: (Large Professor, DJ Premier, Pete Rock, and Q-Tip)

But it is not widely accepted as the greatest ever.

by T$ 225 on Mar 18, 2009 3:27 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

Couldn't have imagined a better analgy to describe Luftman's career

Postin' Up On The Block Like A Mail Box...

by Kpeddi27 on Mar 16, 2009 10:50 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

And Comcast SportsNet still won't hire me.

Online petition!

The inbound to McGinnis, drives, stops, pumps, shoots, short, no good...AND THE GAME IS OVER! ~ Bill Schonely

by SandbergOnSports on Mar 16, 2009 10:45 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs

What would be your catchphrase?

by Norsktroll on Mar 17, 2009 7:22 AM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

"They got beat worse than the Portland Pilots"

“Isn’t that right, coach?”

The inbound to McGinnis, drives, stops, pumps, shoots, short, no good...AND THE GAME IS OVER! ~ Bill Schonely

by SandbergOnSports on Mar 17, 2009 2:12 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

HAHAHAHA

I would love to hear that one said to Holton

There won't be clean officiating in the NBA until David Stern is forcibly removed by the US Congress in 2013 for fixing games.

by 123_G.O._RipCity on Mar 18, 2009 1:56 AM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

thank god the giant ballot schtick is gone

It was "mascot night" at the Rose Garden, which apparently translates to a dozen inflatable versions of various NBA mascots being chased around the arena by Portland's "Blaze", which is some breed of rapist dog. -PostingandToasting

by GreatOden'sRaven on Mar 16, 2009 11:08 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs

But, but, but...

Michael had the ONLY giant ballot in Portland. Weren’t you listening? Actually, I thought that was hilarious. You know, in the kind of sad way.

2 hot 2 stop it

by dan_the_man on Mar 17, 2009 2:59 AM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

I would get sloshed on water with this plan

my lanta, I don’t know what would happen if I tried this with an alcoholic beverage

by prezofdeath on Mar 16, 2009 11:22 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs

This My Lanta thing

is taking off like wildfire.

"Brian (Outlaw is Rejector) is now on the fan saying he put this on to see what would happen " - 123_G.O._RipCity

by Outlaw is Rejector on Mar 17, 2009 3:43 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

Ah, but I've discovered an even better device for dealing with Tony Luftman

The just-discovered 5-minute-skip button on my DVR remote. What a boon!

All along, I’ve waited until an hour after tip-off to start watching, thus allowing me to skip over time-out breaks with a couple clicks of the 30-second button. But come halftime, I’d inevitably get sucked into watching some Tony Luftman “highlights.”

No more: now that I’ve discovered the magic 5-minute skip button, it’s “click, click” and Rebecca Harrlow is passing along Nate’s half-time remarks to the team. And at game’s end, it’s “click, click, click” and Nate’s post-game interview is on.

As Tony L would say, “VERRY impressive!”

"We don't back down to nobody." --Joel Przybilla

by hurryup09 on Mar 16, 2009 11:26 PM PDT reply actions 2 recs

that's fantastic!

by prezofdeath on Mar 17, 2009 1:00 AM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

I love the DVR

I do the same thing. I start watching about 30-45 minutes after the start of the game as I have NBA League Pass and am subjected to the same 5 commercials for 3 hours straight. If I never see Lebron singing “time after time” again, my life will be complete.

"I saw him in the face" Sergio's quote on the latest alley-oop to Rudy.

by blazermaniac32 on Mar 17, 2009 6:36 AM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

that's my strategy too

The HD DVR is liberating.

put a body on 'em

by RayBourque on Mar 17, 2009 11:14 AM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

Tonight I had to listen to the Memphis announcers. The color guy was talking about

Tony Luftman being a champion sleeper. The other guy shut him down pretty quickly.

"Aneurysm".

When Outlaw wins a game on a last-second shot, it’s called an "annthefaneurysm". QualityPie

by annthefan on Mar 16, 2009 11:31 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs

god he sucks. seriously, is he the best we can get?

by dario argento on Mar 17, 2009 12:10 AM PDT reply actions 0 recs

He seems like a decent enough human being, so I'd hate to see him unemployed

But geez—he’s painful to watch, isn’t he? And he’s not getting any better…

"We don't back down to nobody." --Joel Przybilla

by hurryup09 on Mar 17, 2009 2:45 AM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

We had that fat guy last year during Tony's mysterious disappearance...

He was actually pretty cool

Blazers win!

by The X-man on Mar 17, 2009 3:43 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

Maybe Mike Rice is playing your game...

…that would explain a lot.

MLB2PDX!!! (someday...)

by The Cactus Leaguer on Mar 17, 2009 12:22 AM PDT reply actions 0 recs

powerful work.

Blazers Edge.com

by Ben. on Mar 17, 2009 2:07 AM PDT reply actions 0 recs

Haha I love the halftime show

Blazer Fan

by leeroyjenkins on Mar 17, 2009 6:38 AM PDT reply actions 0 recs

I hear Providence is having a sale on Liver Transplants!

Blazer's Edge Ambassador to The Dream Shake Blog
LMA - Putting the POWER in POWER FORWARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
LMA Rocks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I <3 LMA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

by LaMarvelous on Mar 17, 2009 7:48 AM PDT reply actions 0 recs

If he would just add "Boom Goes the Dynamite" to his arsenal he'd be right up there with the best!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W45DRy7M1no

by TPfor3 on Mar 17, 2009 7:59 AM PDT reply actions 0 recs

Oh, that's too painful to watch.

Pontiff of the Pryz for Prez Posse...

by timbo on Mar 17, 2009 8:09 AM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

I dont think its fair

As much as Tony makes my eyes roll with his repeated catch phrases, it is Holton that makes me tremble. His blank stare into the monitor sends shivers down my spine. Sometimes he does this half grin, motionless, as if he is zombifying the audience.

Not sure how to incorporate his Medussa like gaze into your little intoxication folly.

I AM A PORTLAND TRAIL BLAZERS SUPPORTER.

by bow4meow on Mar 17, 2009 8:09 AM PDT reply actions 0 recs

my dad loves when michael says

“they won a home game” he giggles like he has never heard it before and its funniest thing ever. Even though he has heard it before, two seconds before actually.

I Blazersedge daily, nightly and ever so rightly.

by Claire on Mar 17, 2009 9:43 AM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

so funny and so right!

it’s maddening how much he cracks himself up, good example

Jerryd Bayless is our FUTURE!! PLEASE DON"T TRADE HIM - TRUST IN KP!! Oh - and please Buy an RV from me and support Blazermania!!!!

by Ripped City on Mar 17, 2009 10:26 AM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

early in the season

Holton dropped his own little catch-phrases, the most irritating one to me was “He got paid!” whenever a guy would make a nice shot. Then he would look over at Luftman for affirmation as to his wittiness.
What does that mean “he got paid”? Yea Mike we know he gets paid whether he makes it or not. Sheesh.

I AM A PORTLAND TRAIL BLAZERS SUPPORTER.

by bow4meow on Mar 17, 2009 5:00 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

I kinda liked

“And Greg Oden says dunk you very much.”

My favorite teams are the Blazers and any team that is playing the Lakers.

by OCBlazerFan1 on Mar 18, 2009 9:58 AM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

why is the half time show so awful. WHYYYYYYYYYYYY

by 50backflips on Mar 17, 2009 8:34 AM PDT reply actions 0 recs

keeping costs down?

i hope

Jerryd Bayless is our FUTURE!! PLEASE DON"T TRADE HIM - TRUST IN KP!! Oh - and please Buy an RV from me and support Blazermania!!!!

by Ripped City on Mar 17, 2009 10:27 AM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

I know it's not cool to attack personal appearances

But I swear…….Tony Luftman reminds me of some possessed, evil serial killer doll. I see that weird face he’s always making, and I think Chucky. I don’t know why that is, but it’s yet another reason I avoid the half time show.

“Tell the viewers what they’ve lost, Michael!!!”
“Ten minutes of their life they’ll never get back!”

Yes! Yes! In the face!

by LeafHawk on Mar 17, 2009 9:33 AM PDT reply actions 0 recs

You forgot

“________ is SO FUN TO WATCH!” I find myself only being able to describe anything I like about basketball anymore as “fun to watch” after just hearing that halftime show in the corner of my ear. I need to start reading a book at halftime.

by appel82 on Mar 17, 2009 9:42 AM PDT reply actions 0 recs

seriously....

if i hear that the blazers are fun to watch one more time….

by tkblazeys on Mar 17, 2009 4:38 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

How bout when he uses the "tell em what you see coach?"

or something like that, was Holton even a coach?

Jerryd Bayless is our FUTURE!! PLEASE DON"T TRADE HIM - TRUST IN KP!! Oh - and please Buy an RV from me and support Blazermania!!!!

by Ripped City on Mar 17, 2009 10:28 AM PDT reply actions 0 recs

Yes. He coached Univ. of Portland for a while.

They weren’t very good while he was there……

Yes! Yes! In the face!

by LeafHawk on Mar 17, 2009 10:31 AM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

thanks man i wondered, just not enough to google it!

Jerryd Bayless is our FUTURE!! PLEASE DON"T TRADE HIM - TRUST IN KP!! Oh - and please Buy an RV from me and support Blazermania!!!!

by Ripped City on Mar 17, 2009 10:32 AM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

I tried a new Tony drinking game

Every time he pissed me off I took a shot.

I don’t quite remember how that game, or the night went.

by Zaig on Mar 17, 2009 10:33 AM PDT reply actions 0 recs

Do Mike and Mike dislike them too?

I have often thought I perceived pained expressions from Mike and Mike as they talk to Tony and Michael, like they are just trying to endure until their pregame/halftime appearance is over.

by bamkapow on Mar 17, 2009 10:55 AM PDT reply actions 0 recs

btw, drinking game idea is a great way to make your point

very original!

by bamkapow on Mar 17, 2009 10:58 AM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

Don't Forget......

“BANG!!!!!” AND “SPLASH!!!!!!!” like he’s doing a Sprite commercial or something.

by kenzc76 on Mar 17, 2009 1:42 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs

I'm a big fan of all the broadcasters for the team EXCEPT

for the halftime show—it is HORRIBLE. They seem like nice enough guys, but it is completely unwatchable. I think the drinking game is a brilliant idea.

Btw, am I the only one who thinks Rebecca Harlow is awful as well? Yes, she’s moderately attractive, even wearing more makeup than a ho on Sandy Blvd (or so I’ve heard!) but I think she is a terrible sideline reporter…sorry

vanillathrillagorillaprzybilla

by RenoBlazerFan on Mar 17, 2009 2:30 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs

Watch other broadcasts

I think sideline reporters are just cringeworthy in general because of the obvious questions they have to ask. That and “Nate told the team during the timeout…………”

If you watch the others though, you’ll see that she is less cringeworthy than most.

by Zaig on Mar 17, 2009 2:44 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

agree that most sideline reporters are cringeworthy.

On a side note: I thought the Memphis broadcast team were not as horrible as most. Except when they said that Frye is having a career season?? Huh? What? All in all, they were pretty solid.

vanillathrillagorillaprzybilla

by RenoBlazerFan on Mar 17, 2009 2:48 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

craig sager is definitely the most cringe worthy

if only for his over-matched color coordinated suits.

I Blazersedge daily, nightly and ever so rightly.

by Claire on Mar 17, 2009 2:58 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

Sager is like a movie that is so terrible, it becomes great.

vanillathrillagorillaprzybilla

by RenoBlazerFan on Mar 17, 2009 3:00 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

example?

I AM A PORTLAND TRAIL BLAZERS SUPPORTER.

by bow4meow on Mar 17, 2009 5:03 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

Leprechaun in the Hood

Road House
Rocky Horror Picture Show
Master of Disguise
Dracula 3000
Death Race
Plan 9 from Outer Space
Fight Club
Hercules in New York
Battlefield Earth

I am sure I am missing some…

vanillathrillagorillaprzybilla

by RenoBlazerFan on Mar 17, 2009 5:30 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

uh.....

I can live with Plan 9 from Outer Space, but your list topper and finisher are dubious at best

I AM A PORTLAND TRAIL BLAZERS SUPPORTER.

by bow4meow on Mar 17, 2009 5:38 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

uh.....what's your list?

vanillathrillagorillaprzybilla

by RenoBlazerFan on Mar 17, 2009 5:53 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

my list of terrible movies that are now classics

“Cry Yuma”
“The Revenge of Abe Lincoln”
“The Wackiest Covered Wagon in the West”
“Calling All Quakers” (with Dolores Montenegro)
“Today We Kill, Tomorrow We Die”
“Dial M For Murderousness”
“The Erotic Adventures of Hercules”
“‘P’ is for Psycho”
“The President’s Neck is Missing!”
“Good-Time Slim, Uncle Doobie, and the Great ’Frisco Freak-Out”
“Muppets Go Medieval” (1977) (with Dyan Cannon and The Muppets)
“The Greatest Story Ever Hulaed”
“Meet Joe Blow”
“Give My Remains to Broadway”
“Leper in the Backfield”
“Make-Out King of Montana”
“The Electric Gigolo”
“The Contrabulous Fabtraption of Professor Horatio Hufnagel”
“Space Mutants VII: Cry of the Space Mutant”
“Jagged Attraction”
“Look Who’s Still Oinking”
“The Mediocre Journey”
“Slow Down David Copperfield, What’s That Down Your Sock?”
“Calling All Lumberjacks”
“The Pulverizer”
“The Unbearable Moistness of Sweating”
“Coffee, Tea, or Fiddle Dee Dee”
“Eenie Meeni Miney, Die”
“Wake Up, Finnegan”