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Dave's most distinguishable quality...

His humor.

 

His latest gem of genius in regards to Russell Westbrook's ability to bring down 8 offensive rebounds as a point guard.

"That's just Barry Manillow wrong"

He is a true veteran he brings it night in night out. Dave has a true respect for his craft/hobby. I have to say the insight is great, but the humor is classic. I guess this is my man crush valentine to Dave. Thanks for the genius of your humor. 

 

What is your favorite funny line by Dave?

11 recs  |  Comment 71 comments

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Sorry for the mis quote. I could have at least gotten it word for word.

It’s the heart of it that counts, right. Bring on the bashing.

by Titlein2011 on Feb 12, 2009 3:34 PM PST reply actions   0 recs

You misquoted me?!?

That’s just Air Supply-level inappropriate.

—Dave

by Dave on Feb 12, 2009 3:40 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

nearing Lover-boy level audactity.

"Bayless is awesome." -Clyde Drexler

by pxilpooshr on Feb 12, 2009 4:17 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Hey now

Let’s not get indiscriminate in our bashing.

by DonkeyShins on Feb 13, 2009 7:33 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

or Wings wrong

"I like whatever metric makes a Blazer look better." jonestr

Reporter: Four assists tonight too, Travis. You're starting to shed that idea that you're just a shooter. You're starting to pass the ball more too...

Travis: (Deadpans) Aw, I just got tired..

by farmboy on Feb 12, 2009 4:32 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Wings??

No way

Richard Marx maybe…but not Wings

"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."
- Albert Einstein (1879-1955)

by 92wastheyear on Feb 12, 2009 4:36 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

There are some good Wings songs

I hate being critical of Paul McCartney. – Elgin

Since when do we need to ponder to froth? - jscot

by 22baylor on Feb 12, 2009 4:37 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Precisely

Not my fav band…but when Paul is on…it is genius

"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."
- Albert Einstein (1879-1955)

by 92wastheyear on Feb 12, 2009 4:57 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

+1

Sample:

“But I’m never gonna make it without you
Do you really want to see me crawl?
And I never gonna make it like you do
Making love out of nothing at all
(Making love) out of nothing at all”

I’m sure I just creeped out some folks…

There is probably no more terrible instance of enlightenment than the one in which you discover your father is a man — with human flesh.
Paul Muad'Dib - Dune (Frank Herbert)

My Translation: My Dad is a dude just like me, and my sons are dudes like me also. I love that.
Season Tix: Section 315, with my sons

by johnv59 on Feb 12, 2009 7:42 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

you just ruined my air supply

with Air Supply. – Elgin

Since when do we need to ponder to froth? - jscot

by 22baylor on Feb 13, 2009 10:58 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

I don't think...

You prosecute your humor quite as well as Ben.

I know less than half of you half as well as I should like, and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.

by haildablazer on Feb 12, 2009 11:08 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

no need for the comparative.

by Ben. on Feb 13, 2009 3:08 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

I actually laughed out loud when I read something to the effect of...

Scoring like frat boys at a junior-high dance (yeah… it was that sick)

by Salem Stephen on Feb 12, 2009 3:47 PM PST reply actions   1 recs

this is of my most recent "spew coffee at my screen" lines too....

+1

The Faith don't panic, the faith freaks out burns out farms and torchs small villages in the name of The Faith.

by faith on Feb 13, 2009 11:06 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

I recommend that we rec this post until it stays on the front page forever.

THANKS DAVE AND BEN YOU GUYS ROCK!

by 50backflips on Feb 12, 2009 3:53 PM PST reply actions   2 recs

Don't they make ice cream also?

There is probably no more terrible instance of enlightenment than the one in which you discover your father is a man — with human flesh.
Paul Muad'Dib - Dune (Frank Herbert)

My Translation: My Dad is a dude just like me, and my sons are dudes like me also. I love that.
Season Tix: Section 315, with my sons

by johnv59 on Feb 12, 2009 7:43 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

"We should trade for Shaq"

That was pretty good. j/k dave has so many gems or zingers I get tired of always saying “nice post, dave.” and stuff like, “I especially liked when you said compared Iverson to a jar of honey…”

roses are red
thunder are blue
dave needs love for his posts
or i’ll unrec you

Thanks to you too Titlein2011 for reminding me to give him props where props is due, sometimes we take the best things for granted once we get accustomed to them. Dave fans unite.

Don't Redeactivate Shavlik Randolph

by appel82 on Feb 12, 2009 3:53 PM PST reply actions   0 recs

Dave's Ron Jeremy good looks, no doubt.

And his cool sci-fi last name. (We still don’t know if he’s a replicant or not…)

by EngineerScotty on Feb 12, 2009 4:01 PM PST reply actions   0 recs

Sooo...

… has Dave been showing parts of himself to you that the rest of us don’t normally see?

hakkaa päälle !

by timg56 on Feb 12, 2009 4:07 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

So he looks like Stan Van Gundy?

sorry Dave. – Elgin

Since when do we need to ponder to froth? - jscot

by 22baylor on Feb 12, 2009 4:35 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

I know I'll butcher this

but last year in a pre-game post against New Jersey, he said something to the effect of “New Jersey couldn’t score at a rave with a Ferrari and a hefty bag full of E”. There have been more that I have laughed harder, but the visual image accompanying that one has made it hard for me to forget.

I like whatever metric makes a Blazer look better.

by einman77 on Feb 12, 2009 4:19 PM PST reply actions   0 recs

There are SO many good lines, but one comes to mind right now

My nephew was going through a phase where he couldn’t spit out a sentence without using the word “suck.” This sucks, that sucks, blah, blah, blah. It was getting boring, so a gave him a Dave-ism to use instead: el stinko burrito with a side of suckamole. (Thanks, Dave.)

by Corvid on Feb 12, 2009 4:26 PM PST reply actions   0 recs

I cant pick a favorite

It would have to be a favorite from every single post.

Karma

by Sabonis4Ever on Feb 12, 2009 4:32 PM PST reply actions   0 recs

One of my faves from last year in regards to how to stop LBJ on the last possesion...
“OK, Brandon will take LeBron initially, but as the ball is inbounded Steve and Lamarcus will come over to triple. That’s when Martell drops the bear trap in the lane. Joel, you dug the hole for those pungi sticks, right? Monty over here has a bazooka. We’ll yell, ‘CLEAR!’ when he’s got a bead. At that point all of you get down. We don’t want any injuries. Sergio and Von Wafer have strung up a trip wire across the key. It will release poisonous darts. In case all else fails McRoberts is sitting on top of the backboard with a machete. Any questions?”

—Dave

RUDY > MJ

by myemic23 on Feb 12, 2009 4:33 PM PST reply actions   0 recs

Dave's most distinguishable quality...?

His face….as it is is with most people

"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."
- Albert Einstein (1879-1955)

by 92wastheyear on Feb 12, 2009 4:35 PM PST reply actions   0 recs

......................... Unless you're Michael Jackson...

The cilantro in your tapioca pudding since 2007.™

by timbo on Feb 12, 2009 4:36 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Even Michael

How could mistake a face that looks like someone took a blow torch to an Apollo Creed action figure

"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."
- Albert Einstein (1879-1955)

by 92wastheyear on Feb 12, 2009 4:38 PM PST up reply actions   1 recs

- laughter and applause -

Since when do we need to ponder to froth? - jscot

by 22baylor on Feb 13, 2009 10:59 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

I believe it is actually their mums that make them unique.

Life is exhausting when you are this stupid.

by jonestr on Feb 12, 2009 5:01 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

One has to ask...

Dave, are you this funny when giving sermons in church? (For those who don’t know—this isn’t a big secret, just not usually relevant—Dave is the pastor here).

Or do we have to drive to Idaho some Sunday to find that out?

by EngineerScotty on Feb 12, 2009 4:55 PM PST reply actions   0 recs

I have said many times that Dave is one of the all time best sports writers ever

He knows the game in the top 1 Percentile and he can write like the wind. Lucky for us he can’t go national cause he only loves the Trailblazers. Well if and when we start winning ring after ring they might draw him out into the public square but should that happen we can take stock in our many championships. If you love something, set it free and all that.

Early there was a big gap between Dave and Ben in quality of post but Ben has closed the gap and is consistently good post for post to where he should get his worthy do as well.

by Blazersaurus on Feb 12, 2009 5:21 PM PST reply actions   0 recs

Wow

I don’t think it’s close to close. I think Ben can do a bang-up job at times (the Sergio showing his emotions post a few moths ago was really well done), but more just tries to stir the pot and I feel angry for reading what I have read, so I don’t even bother reading them except on rare occasion anymore. Honestly, if it wasn’t for Dave (and a couple posters) I probably would never come to this site. And I came here every day, just for the exceptional few.

I like whatever metric makes a Blazer look better.

by einman77 on Feb 12, 2009 5:33 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Ben and I are different flavors

And both are very good, I think. Some prefer one or the other, but I know that I wouldn’t be able to do this site anymore without him. What he has brought is immeasurable.

—Dave

by Dave on Feb 12, 2009 6:04 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Yes.

"Aneurysm".

When Outlaw wins a game on a last-second shot, it’s called an "annthefaneurysm". QualityPie

by annthefan on Feb 12, 2009 6:06 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

I didn't mean it as a knock

I know you and Ben are really different and I’m sure there are people who feel the opposite of me. I really do appreciate what Ben brings to the table sometimes, and I know he can do a lot of things that you can’t. I know the site wouldn’t be the same without him, and I don’t mean to take anything away from that. In regards to the last line, I really only visit about 5 websites on a daily basis, and I don’t spend a lot of time on the internet, so it’s not meant to come off how it seems.

I like whatever metric makes a Blazer look better.

by einman77 on Feb 12, 2009 7:13 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Opposite here

There is probably no more terrible instance of enlightenment than the one in which you discover your father is a man — with human flesh.
Paul Muad'Dib - Dune (Frank Herbert)

My Translation: My Dad is a dude just like me, and my sons are dudes like me also. I love that.
Season Tix: Section 315, with my sons

by johnv59 on Feb 12, 2009 8:53 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

You ought to read

his after game reports, at least. It seems to me Ben’s writing, both style and content, has definitely picked up over his time on the Bedge.

I like to think it is my influence.

There are lots of things I like to think.

When I rule the world, everyone will know how to use Excel.

by jscot on Feb 12, 2009 11:16 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

you are a positive influence on us all

unless you’re not. – Elgin

Since when do we need to ponder to froth? - jscot

by 22baylor on Feb 13, 2009 11:00 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Here's what I've been wondering;

Does Dave neglect his parishioners for us? Are they jealous of us? Do they even know about us? Is Dave known for the brevity of his sermons and does his flock know why he speaks so briefly? Does Dave harangue his congregation with basketball homilies? Do they know what the latest Blazer stats are? Are they up on the latest trade rumors? Inquiring minds want to know.

"Aneurysm".

When Outlaw wins a game on a last-second shot, it’s called an "annthefaneurysm". QualityPie

by annthefan on Feb 12, 2009 5:26 PM PST reply actions   0 recs

Doncha know?

He keeps his Blackberry on the pulpit during the Sunday sermon.

by EngineerScotty on Feb 12, 2009 5:34 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Umm. Many of us don't.

"Aneurysm".

When Outlaw wins a game on a last-second shot, it’s called an "annthefaneurysm". QualityPie

by annthefan on Feb 12, 2009 5:55 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

He only likes those sheep that are Blazer fans in his flock :)

May the Lord have mercy with the rest

The cake is a lie. Trade the cake!

by Norsktroll on Feb 12, 2009 5:49 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

I might enjoy to hear some basketball-related sermons by Dave

“There was this rookie apostle, who many elders thought was too cocky. But Jesus saw a lot of potential in young Bayless cough John, and so he took him under his wings and didn’t trade him…”

Entertaining the young ones: “And then the Lord floated over the water like Clyde the Glide…”

The cake is a lie. Trade the cake!

by Norsktroll on Feb 12, 2009 5:56 PM PST up reply actions   1 recs

Floated? Nah...

I’d say He stomped the water into submission a la His new Blazers rooting buddy Kevin Duckworth. RIP Big Kev.

Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?

by GustyJ on Feb 12, 2009 5:59 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Hahhahhahaahahhaa!!!! I bet that happens all the time.

"Aneurysm".

When Outlaw wins a game on a last-second shot, it’s called an "annthefaneurysm". QualityPie

by annthefan on Feb 12, 2009 6:05 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Two words...

Darth Swirsky.

"I love this game!" -Moonbeam, from 'Rollerball' right before he was knocked into a permanent coma

by -ken on Feb 12, 2009 5:34 PM PST reply actions   0 recs

The eerie thing

Is that Ben mentions Blake getting injured…freaky.

by DonkeyShins on Feb 13, 2009 7:38 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

a blazer prophet

i started to come here because of dave on the podcasts, he always seems to confident in the laws of basketball fate, a little too confident methinks?

Don't Redeactivate Shavlik Randolph

by appel82 on Feb 13, 2009 10:53 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

+1

Since when do we need to ponder to froth? - jscot

by 22baylor on Feb 13, 2009 2:31 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

My bad

Can’t believe I missed that. I apologize for mixing it up. Great line Ben!

by grigs on Feb 14, 2009 2:45 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

My favorite Dave qoute
I love scotch. Scotchy, scotch, scotch. Here it goes down, down into my belly…

Release your inner Kraken

by Dragline on Feb 13, 2009 5:08 AM PST reply actions   0 recs

That's Ron

Or Mr. Burgundy to you.

by DonkeyShins on Feb 13, 2009 7:45 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

When I hear Dave on the podcast,

I always picture him as William H. Macy from Fargo. “Yaaa, the Blazers are playing great, dontcha know.” He doesn’t have the accent, but the cadance is similiar IMO.

Well, I could be wrong, but I believe diversity is an old, old wooden ship that was used during the Civil War era.

by RoyDrexler on Feb 13, 2009 6:48 AM PST reply actions   0 recs

I spend a fair amount of time

in the Midwest. It’s taken me forever to get rid of those pursed-lipped “O’s”.

—Dave

by Dave on Feb 13, 2009 10:14 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

One of Dave's analogies today wasn't too bad either:

Golden State beating us in 2nd chance points “was like getting beaten by Manute Bol in a limbo contest”. For me visualizing Bol doing the limbo is hilarious. I was down at floor level with him one time, and even at 6’ tall I felt I should almost be able to walk upright between his legs without damaging any goods.

Brandon Roy just destroyed everything in his path. There's your rational analysis -- Dave

by TwoDeep on Feb 13, 2009 8:14 AM PST reply actions   0 recs

I'm still burt at you dave (a little)

but 3 cheers for keeping the insanely jelly-ous types comming back ;)

you’re lucky I’m not a chick dude…. I’d be goin alll psycho stalker on you

(that’s a joke) ;)

The Faith don't panic, the faith freaks out burns out farms and torchs small villages in the name of The Faith.

by faith on Feb 13, 2009 11:08 AM PST reply actions   0 recs

Does he do a lot of laundry?

I bet red and black panties are easier to find that red and black boxers or briefs.

Release your inner Kraken

by Dragline on Feb 13, 2009 12:19 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

me of *

thanks edit feature!

Blazer Fan

by leeroyjenkins on Feb 13, 2009 12:39 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

No, never even seen a picture

it would ruin my image of him. He’s Dave Thomas, come back to run our Blazers blog.

Blazer Fan

by leeroyjenkins on Feb 13, 2009 12:54 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

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