It pains me deeply to have to say this, but I think Brandon Roy is a communist. And if he's not an outright commie, then he's certainly a sympathizer. I see the evidence of this everywhere:
• He's always talking "team" this and "team" that. If that ain't communism then I don't know what it is. Have you noticed the way his numbers have come down? This deference to "the team", I find it very disturbing.
• He's naturally right handed, but always looks to use his...left. A wise old coot, grooming his son to be President, once said, "To sneak something through, do it in public and make it obvious," or something like that. Can't you see that is what Roy's doing here? The symbolism is staggering.
• My dearest Blazersedge, he seems even to have lured YOU in. For the umpteenth straight day, you have posted a photo of Brandon with his son sitting – get this – on Brandon's left knee. I mean, bringing the children into this! The implications of such a thing sends chills up my spine. Again, it pains me deeply writing this. I've shed so many tears, I fear for the life of my keyboard. But, first and foremost, I am an American. It is my civil duty to my country, that I should sacrifice for the greater good, even to the extent that I willingly gave up my civil liberties...wait, WHAT?!?
• He's been spotted in public wearing red an awful lot. You know, the general population of this country doesn't wear near as much red as does Brandon Roy. You don't believe me? Well, I bet the next time you see him – on TV no less (maybe even NATIONAL TV) – he will be wearing red. What's most worrisome is that he seems to be recruiting lots of our righteous citizenry to wear red, too. I mean, anyone who doesn't see a conspiracy in this hasn't noticed the crowds at home games!
• He's not there for the playing of...what's that song again?...oh, yeah, The Battle Hymn of the Republic...No, that's not it. I meant, The Pledge of Allegiance. No, wait. That's not even a song! What I meant to say was...What's that song again? Oh, yes, "This land is your land, this land is my land..." Uhhh...yeah, right. No, no. The National Anthem, yeah, that's the one! Let's sing us a round! Uhhmmm...let's see...How's that go again? ... Maybe you should start off and I'll follow...yeah, that's the ticket...
• And finally, the indisputable evidence, the slam dunk, if you will – This Blazer's Edge FanShot headline: "John Canzano: I Have a List of Five Trail Blazers Who Are Card-Carrying Communists". Where there's smoke, there's fire, as my grandpappy used to say. And it sounds like the fire is spreading. If a writer of Canzano's ...ahem... repute suggests such a thing...well, enough said! We need action, I say!
I'm really concerned and have lost a lot of sleep over all of this. I have my letter to Jay Edgar Hoover and to the House Un-American Committee stamped and ready to go...Wait, what?...Hoover's dead!?! This isn't the 1950s? The Soviet Union is dead, too!?! ... ...Then why the red-baiting, again?