The Chris Henry Situation and Us

Thanks for highlighting this today. My mother has worked in domestic violence prevention for nearly 30 years. It is heart breaking knowing that this continues. Our society still does not know how to talk openly about domestic abuse, so it is often swept under the rug and ignored leading to a continuation of the cycle of domestic abuse. Children who grow up in these environments are much more likely to perpetuate the cycle by becoming abusers themselves or becoming victims.

It is particularly bad during the holidays. There have been over 17 domestic murder/suicides in Portland over the last 35 days, and this does not get reported on unless the people involved are famous. But it happens all of the time.

If you want to donate time or money this holiday season, please consider giving to one of the shelters that are in the link that Dave sent. It can make a huge difference in lives otherwise dark and fearful and lonely.

Many of the children who we send to Blazer games for Blazersedge Night, are victims of domestic violence. They deserve the chance to grow up in a loving, caring environment free from fear, pain, and neglect. As do all children.

Domestic violence is a real scourge on society. Many years ago when I was getting a Women Studies Certificate to go with my degree in Sociology at the U of O. I ended up volunteering to run a small discussion group for men sentenced to offender treatment in Lane County. It was very tough work. I found that a lot of the men in treatment had a lot of underlying attitudes and issues that made change extremely difficult. I stuck with it for two years before concluding that we needed to do a better job of raising our sons.

My own daughter was twice assaulted by her domestic partner last year. Fortunately she was not seriously hurt, and fortunately, because of my earlier experience, I raised her so that she can defend herself. She has a brown belt in Small Circle Jujitsu. Her former partner has moved out of state and has pending warrants here in Oregon. I hope we don’t see him again.

I will say that society has made some progress in the intervening twenty five years. The criminal justice system takes domestic violence far more seriously now than it did back in the mid 80s. It isn’t enough, but it is better. The real issue is empowering women to leave and raising children (particularly boys) to see their partners as fully human rather than as just extensions of their own egos.

One of my friends was the victim of constant abuse by his wife and was unable to find a shelter to accept him and his son in my area. Do you know the status of male victims at any of these shelters.

DV is a real problem in our society. We see it in all aspects of culture from Rhianna(sp?) to Chris Henry to some of our sisters, brothers, fathers, mothers, friends, co-workers, etc. No demographic is immune to it.

I work in law enforcement and DV calls are some of the most difficult calls I attend. I often have to remove crying children from their mother/father’s arms only to arrest them and take them away from their families. Some times it is justified and needed other times it feels detrimental to the families. There are laws in effect that mandate actions in domestic violence situations.

Often people trying to get out of situations can not. Dave is correct when he stated that when one party is leaving the other permanently it is by far the most dangerous time. A large problem is the lack of shelters available for people. Victims will call and try to get into a shelter but due to the large amount of people in shelters there is no room. They then feel trapped and the abuse gets worse until it reaches a breaking point.

In summation; give what you can(food, time, money), support those in DV situations, do what you can to get MORE shelters and housing for DV victims.

was consistently the worst, most insane night of the year. Worse even than New Year’s Eve (which, because of excessive alcohol consumption, one might expect to be the worst). But there is much more pressure connected to Christmas, and in families — families sometimes coming together who might be better off staying apart.

Plus there is all the money spent on often useless gifts. It can be a very difficult time of year.

It’s a good cause, Chris Henry or not. As a former DV victim, which is hard to admit being a guy, it is incredibly hard to get away from the situations once faces, so to help shelters who are able to allow women (or men) to move away from the awful and painful situations they face is an invaluable asset to ones community and if we can, as people help others whether during the holidays or anytime of year is great.

There are few if any shelters and resources available in Portland for men who are involved in this kind of crisis.