A joke for everyone:

by saregister on Oct 8, 2009 9:46 AM PDT

stop me if you've heard this before (ok, stop reading)...I'm hoping this is posted in the correct spot as I don't post in fanshots/posts very often at all. here goes:

A Kindergarten teacher tells her class she's a BIG Lakers fan. She's really excited about it and asks the kids if they're Lakers fans too. Everyone wants to impress the teacher and say they are too, except ONE kid named Dougie.. the teacher looks at Dougie and says, "Dougie, you're not a Lakers fan?" He says, "Nope, I'm a Blazers fan!" She says, "Well why are you a Blazers fan and not a Lakers fan?" to which Dougie replies, "Well, my mom is a Blazers fan, and my dad is a Blazers fan, so I'm a Blazers fan." The teacher is not real happy. She starts to get a little hot under the collar. She says, "Well, if your moms an idiot, and your dads a moron, then what would you be?!" Dougie says, "Then I'd be a Lakers fan!"

Tweet Comment 52 comments | 19 recs |

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good times

*Unless KP has a secret plan that makes this statement incorrect.
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by staylost on Oct 8, 2009 10:17 AM PDT reply actions

My opinion:

But not worth five recs.

*Unless KP has a secret plan that makes this statement incorrect.
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by staylost on Oct 8, 2009 12:46 PM PDT up reply actions

how about 6 then?

Any joke where the F@kers are the punchline is rec-tastic, rec-errific, and rec-worthy to me.

An offensive rebound in paragraph form. -Mr. Golliver

by you'vegottomakeyourfreethrows on Oct 8, 2009 12:58 PM PDT up reply actions

There is a better one for you to rec.

It is in the post on Ron Artest wanting to get gay with a blogger. It is in the fanshots.

*Unless KP has a secret plan that makes this statement incorrect.
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by staylost on Oct 8, 2009 1:11 PM PDT up reply actions

I approve this message

It’s dumb, but dumb is good given the topic.

I can tell you how to make an Excel spreadsheet that proves Portland wins 62 games this year.

by jscot on Oct 8, 2009 10:17 AM PDT reply actions

I have heard this before with the yankees and red sox

but great non the less

bayless leaves over my dead body
andre miller>hedo
real.baller

by thomasikehara on Oct 8, 2009 12:07 PM PDT reply actions

Plug in team X and team Y and it applies to any team anywhere ever.

"Ain't nothin' in this world for free."

by Arby on Oct 8, 2009 12:54 PM PDT up reply actions

What do you have when a L*ker fan is buried up to his neck in sand?
Not enough sand

What’s the difference between a L*ker fan and a trampoline?
You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.

If you drop a snake and a L*ker fan off the Empire State Building, which one hits first?
Who cares?

by Rudiculous on Oct 8, 2009 12:55 PM PDT reply actions 1 recs

How could you tell them apart, anyway?

If you drop a snake and a L*ker fan off the Empire State Building, which one hits first?

I can tell you how to make an Excel spreadsheet that proves Portland wins 62 games this year.

by jscot on Oct 8, 2009 1:26 PM PDT up reply actions

One is a slimy, smelly, spineless creature...

The other one is a snake….

by Rudiculous on Oct 8, 2009 1:31 PM PDT up reply actions

Oh, you're right

I forgot that snakes aren’t smelly.

I can tell you how to make an Excel spreadsheet that proves Portland wins 62 games this year.

by jscot on Oct 8, 2009 1:36 PM PDT up reply actions

Er, you've never picked up a garter snake, then...

They’re the ones with a profile like Kobe’s.

by MiledAnimal on Oct 8, 2009 2:13 PM PDT up reply actions

But they do have spines and aren't slimy.

So there’s that…

*Unless KP has a secret plan that makes this statement incorrect.
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by staylost on Oct 8, 2009 2:28 PM PDT up reply actions

A profile like Kobe's?

Prezofdeath is a garter snake?

I can tell you how to make an Excel spreadsheet that proves Portland wins 62 games this year.

by jscot on Oct 8, 2009 5:24 PM PDT up reply actions

I can see it.

by MiledAnimal on Oct 8, 2009 6:01 PM PDT up reply actions

Yah, they're exceptionally smelly. Hard to get it off your hands.

Brandon Roy just destroyed everything in his path. There's your rational analysis -- Dave

Also: COMCAST SUCKS!

by TwoDeep on Oct 8, 2009 6:36 PM PDT up reply actions

they poop on you, so to speak....

It really sucks. Any oregonian that made a habit out of catching red racers, knows the what I am talking about. Damn garter snakes….

by Rudiculous on Oct 9, 2009 1:14 AM PDT up reply actions

What's brown and black and looks good on a Laker fan?

A Doberman.

by MiledAnimal on Oct 8, 2009 1:27 PM PDT up reply actions

converted lawyer jokesFTW

by Rudiculous on Oct 8, 2009 1:29 PM PDT up reply actions

What do you call 30 dead (blanks) in a ditch

A GOOD START.

Sub in Laker fans, lawyers, your least favorite ethnicity… it is truly versatile.

Morty

by Mortimer on Oct 8, 2009 1:37 PM PDT up reply actions

flag

you said Laker.

An offensive rebound in paragraph form. -Mr. Golliver

by you'vegottomakeyourfreethrows on Oct 8, 2009 1:47 PM PDT up reply actions

This was a very disturbing post

Morty just implied that L@ker fans are another ethnicity.

Mortimer, you don’t really think they’re human, do you? You’ve been living down there too long, it’s affecting you.

I can tell you how to make an Excel spreadsheet that proves Portland wins 62 games this year.

by jscot on Oct 8, 2009 1:51 PM PDT up reply actions

I'll admit...

…they have humanesque TENDENCIES, such as needing (less) air to breathe, water, some eat food…

But most of it is just learned mannerisms from tourists, visiting human NBA teams, etc.

It’s like an alligator and a crocodile. Different but kinda the same.

—M

by Mortimer on Oct 8, 2009 1:57 PM PDT up reply actions

“Damn Crocodiles.”

*Unless KP has a secret plan that makes this statement incorrect.
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by staylost on Oct 8, 2009 1:57 PM PDT up reply actions

Laker Fan having lunch.

by MiledAnimal on Oct 8, 2009 2:19 PM PDT up reply actions 1 recs

Yes!

Stargate Atlantis is awesome.

/Back to hiding my nerdom…

You're saying that they look like they're giving it their all. And you know why they look that way? Because they're bad, and it literally takes them the maximum physical effort to accomplish basic baseball tasks like throwing the ball from short to first. When David Eckstein throws the ball to first base, he has to wind up like a shot-putter, spin around forty-three times, and launch it at an angle 89 degrees from the horizontal. Afterwards, he undergoes an IV drip for a fortnight and he's so out of breath that he requires several months of acupuncture to regain the power of speech. For this we laud him. -Junior of Deadspin on 'scrappy' players

by TheOdenator on Oct 8, 2009 2:51 PM PDT up reply actions

Obama, Paul Allen, Kobe, the Pope, and a boy scout are flying on an airplane that was struck by lightning, has a burning engine and is about to crash. The pilot is dead.

Horrified, they realize that they only have 4 parachutes left. Obama declares “I am the leader of the free world, millions of people rely on me, I should get a parachute.” The others agree, Obama takes a parachute and jumps out. Paul Allen says “I am a co-founder of Microsoft, one of the smartest and richest people in the world, fans of the Trail Blazers and Seahawks rely on me as their owner, I should get a parachute.” The others look at each other and agree, Paul takes a parachute and jumps out to safety. Kobe boasts “I am the smartest, best-looking, most unstoppable, and overall greatest basketball player of all time, I am so smart I make the best end-of-game decisions, millions of Lakers fans adore me and rely on me, I should get a parachute.” The Pope and the little boy look at each other and somewhat reluctantly agree. Kobe takes a parachute and jumps out. The Pope says to the little boy “kid, I’m an old man, I have lived my life, and while millions rely on me to be their spiritual leader you should get the last parachute.” “Holy father, no problem, we have two parachutes left”, replies the little boy scout, " the smartest greatest basketball player of all time jumped out with my backpack."

"I think he can still play" - Kevin Pritchard on Juwan Howard

by Norsktroll on Oct 8, 2009 1:53 PM PDT up reply actions 11 recs

Hee hee.

by Mortimer on Oct 8, 2009 1:58 PM PDT up reply actions

Excellent.

My team went to the playoffs in my first year.

by pxilpooshr on Oct 8, 2009 3:25 PM PDT up reply actions

The best part is when Kobe died.

by Mortimer on Oct 8, 2009 3:50 PM PDT up reply actions 7 recs

Hahaha

"We have found out that you can just, you know, buy psychological validation, so..." -Nathan Explosion

by randommanthefirst on Oct 8, 2009 3:51 PM PDT up reply actions

He didn't die. He landed on his ego.

That thing is huge. He probably fell no more than ten feet before he landed on it.

by MiledAnimal on Oct 8, 2009 4:28 PM PDT up reply actions 2 recs

Then the joke isn't funny anymore :-(

by Mortimer on Oct 8, 2009 4:38 PM PDT up reply actions

Selfish

by TappedPotential on Oct 8, 2009 4:51 PM PDT up reply actions

He bounced back up and hit the propellors

(jscot to the rescue)

I can tell you how to make an Excel spreadsheet that proves Portland wins 62 games this year.

by jscot on Oct 8, 2009 5:26 PM PDT up reply actions

Aww

Kobe gets to spread his love over the whole world now!Q

"We have found out that you can just, you know, buy psychological validation, so..." -Nathan Explosion

by randommanthefirst on Oct 8, 2009 6:22 PM PDT up reply actions

You guys are to funny.

Love the part where he bounces back up.

by heyheymymy on Oct 9, 2009 9:42 AM PDT up reply actions

Awesome

"I just sort of know that around the water cooler they talk of reality tv stars, and I strictly drink coffee." -- EvilKaramazov

by BlazersOrBust on Oct 9, 2009 9:48 AM PDT up reply actions

This post is what happens when the Blazers won't let us watch preseason games

"We don't back down to nobody." --Joel Przybilla

by hurryup09 on Oct 8, 2009 5:57 PM PDT reply actions

OMG,

I heard/saw all those jokes previously, mostly through the tons of junk that is sent over the internet via email. I hope this site doesn’t turn into another “me too” joke site.

But if it’s going to do that, I’ve got a couple dozen to pass on to you. Let me know.

Brandon Roy just destroyed everything in his path. There's your rational analysis -- Dave

Also: COMCAST SUCKS!

by TwoDeep on Oct 8, 2009 6:44 PM PDT reply actions

Well,

I am bored. Another joke never hurt nobody. Perfect English. Read it and weep Marvin….

by Rudiculous on Oct 9, 2009 1:16 AM PDT up reply actions

how facile of you

I get the paper, so I don't care!

by Name's Ash on Oct 9, 2009 11:10 AM PDT up reply actions

I feel this posting should be sent to the silver screen and roll.

Trade players for picks and draft Cole Aldrich 2010

by jlarose78 on Oct 8, 2009 6:59 PM PDT reply actions

I'll bet Timbo is whipping-up a nice little fanpost about us for them.

by MiledAnimal on Oct 8, 2009 9:48 PM PDT up reply actions

hmm maybe we should make fun of ourselves a little bit...

What did Brandon Roy go down to the wharf for?

To sell fish.

How’s that? Bad? ok never mind.

My team went to the playoffs in my first year.

by pxilpooshr on Oct 8, 2009 10:53 PM PDT up reply actions 1 recs

That was bad all right.

Rec.

by MiledAnimal on Oct 9, 2009 11:07 AM PDT up reply actions

Good

What do they talk about when it’s been forever since there was a game on?

Never mind, I don’t want to know. We can have our fun, it’s preseason. We’ll get down to serious analysis and post game rants once we have games to watch.

I can tell you how to make an Excel spreadsheet that proves Portland wins 62 games this year.

by jscot on Oct 8, 2009 11:10 PM PDT up reply actions

I know what I would be talking about

“Hey guys, remember when our team won the championship? Yeah, that was awesome.” Some variant on that conversation for about six months. I don’t think I would get tired of that one.

"I just sort of know that around the water cooler they talk of reality tv stars, and I strictly drink coffee." -- EvilKaramazov

by BlazersOrBust on Oct 9, 2009 9:50 AM PDT up reply actions