SILLY: Top 10 Things That Could Make The Blazers 41-41

by hawkblogger on Oct 27, 2009 7:28 AM PDT

We've all seen it by now, and likely debated it to death. Bill Simmons, of ESPN, has predicted the Blazers are going to finish 11th in the Western Conference with a 41-41 record. This is not another debate thread. This is an alternate reality thread. What *would* have to happen for the Blazers to have a season like that?

10. Greg Oden meets up with Shaq after their first matchup of the season and is taught the Shaquille O'Neal diet, followed by a Sam Bowie fitness program.

9. Violet Palmer is assigned as the Blazers personal referee

8. Rudy Fernandez injures his shoulder smacking Trevor Ariza out of the air in the home opener tonight

7. In honor of our 40th anniversary season, all of our three point shots are only counted as two

6. Stephen Jackson tutors Brandon Roy on the finer points of leadership

5. JR Rider returns to Portland with a bong and shows the fellas why hardly working is better than hard work

4. Bill Walton becomes so enamored with his Portland re-entry that he decides to give a pre-game speech for every game of the season. The team rarely makes it out onto the court before the final buzzer.

3. Tyrone Lue is given a rare opportunity to play against the Blazers every night

2. Kobe Bryant becomes so scared of the younger, cooler, nicer, better Blazers team that he hires Kurt Rambis to go Gillooly on the players.

And the #1 thing that could make the Blazers 41-41 is...

1. The NBA re-forms the Seattle Supersonics by pulling all players, coaches, and owners with Seattle connections back to Seattle, leaving the Blazers without Paul Allen, Nate McMillan, Brandon Roy or Martell Webster

[as always, additional submissions are welcome]

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I’m ok with #8 minus the whole shoulder injury thing. I still hate Ariza for that crap he pulled last year.

Columbus til I die, Columbus til I die. I know I am, I swear I am, Columbus til I die!

by BLAZER_FAN_199 on Oct 27, 2009 7:45 AM PDT reply actions

yeah, it’s such a drag when both teams play hard

by 50backflips on Oct 27, 2009 9:23 AM PDT up reply actions

#9 was pure win

by lurtsman on Oct 27, 2009 1:54 PM PDT up reply actions

On second thought, I’d prefer seeing Rudy get a clean block on Ariza. Then he stares him down making Ariza slowly back away in order not to provoke the Spaniard. Ariza goes scoreless the rest of the game in fear of angering the mighty Fernandez.

Columbus til I die, Columbus til I die. I know I am, I swear I am, Columbus til I die!

by BLAZER_FAN_199 on Oct 27, 2009 7:50 AM PDT reply actions

Al la Princess Bride

I just see Rudy as Inigo Montoya “Hello. My name is Rudy Fernandez. You fouled me last year. Prepare to die.” followed by lots of chasing and a thorough thrashing!

Don Clark

by DCBlazerFan on Oct 27, 2009 12:35 PM PDT up reply actions 1 recs

My thoughts exactly. The way I picture it is Ariza staring in absolute disbelief of the block, then looking at his hands as though they did something wrong.

Columbus til I die, Columbus til I die. I know I am, I swear I am, Columbus til I die!

by BLAZER_FAN_199 on Oct 27, 2009 12:56 PM PDT up reply actions

Haha, #4 and #3 are terrific.

Tyronn Lue would definitely start for the We-Would-Be-All-Stars-If-We-Played-Every-Game-Against-The-Blazers team. I think Joe Smith and Chris Wilcox would also be mandatory inclusions.

by Roy Wonder on Oct 27, 2009 10:28 AM PDT reply actions