We've all seen it by now, and likely debated it to death. Bill Simmons, of ESPN, has predicted the Blazers are going to finish 11th in the Western Conference with a 41-41 record. This is not another debate thread. This is an alternate reality thread. What *would* have to happen for the Blazers to have a season like that?

 

10. Greg Oden meets up with Shaq after their first matchup of the season and is taught the Shaquille O'Neal diet, followed by a Sam Bowie fitness program.

 

9. Violet Palmer is assigned as the Blazers personal referee

8. Rudy Fernandez injures his shoulder smacking Trevor Ariza out of the air in the home opener tonight

7. In honor of our 40th anniversary season, all of our three point shots are only counted as two

6. Stephen Jackson tutors Brandon Roy on the finer points of leadership

5. JR Rider returns to Portland with a bong and shows the fellas why hardly working is better than hard work

4. Bill Walton becomes so enamored with his Portland re-entry that he decides to give a pre-game speech for every game of the season. The team rarely makes it out onto the court before the final buzzer.

3. Tyrone Lue is given a rare opportunity to play against the Blazers every night

2. Kobe Bryant becomes so scared of the younger, cooler, nicer, better Blazers team that he hires Kurt Rambis to go Gillooly on the players.

 

And the #1 thing that could make the Blazers 41-41 is...

1. The NBA re-forms the Seattle Supersonics by pulling all players, coaches, and owners with Seattle connections back to Seattle, leaving the Blazers without Paul Allen, Nate McMillan, Brandon Roy or Martell Webster

 

[as always, additional submissions are welcome]