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Sherman Alexie Needs Our Help

Bayless2_tiny by Ben. on

If you've read TrueHoop this morning, you saw Henry linked to a recent article in The Stranger By Sherman Alexie, the well-known writer and Sonics fan.  Check out his wiki for some background. 

At the end of his article, entitled "61 Things I Learned During The Sonics Trial," Mr. Alexie writes...

60. I just bought a 10-game package for the Portland Trail Blazers. My two best basketball buddies and I are planning our road trips. We kind of feel like the bastard widower who married the hot twentysomething a few months after his wife died. But it's ball, man. It's pro hoops.

61. And hey, I live just a few minutes from Brandon Roy's childhood home and high school, and I taught the man in college, so I think I can justify rooting for him and his Blazers. And Portland is coached by Mr. Sonic, Nate McMillan, and owned by Paul Allen, and—ah, hell, I'm a hoops junkie, man, and I need my fix.

Let me be the first to publicly welcome Mr. Alexie aboard.  It's not every day that a National Book Award winner hops on our bandwagon.  If he writes about the Blazers even 1% as much as he wrote about the Sonics, we will be truly blessed.

But, here's the problem... he's been a Sonics fan so he's got some catching up to do.

My questions to you are: What must Mr. Alexie know to fully appreciate this team?  What inside information, anecdote, or experience is critical to his understanding of the current Blazers?  What should Mr. Alexie do between now and the beginning of the season to ensure he gets the most out of his Blazers fandom?

Help me build the "List of Blazers Stuff That New Fan Mr. Sherman Alexie Must Absorb Immediately."

I'll kick it off...

-- Mr. Alexie must know that Travis Outlaw's name should not be needlessly bandied about in trade rumors. There are repercussions.

 -- It is critical that Mr. Alexie hone a fully-functional Bayless Face in preparation for the nights we host the Lakers. It must be ready at a moment's notice.

-- Mr. Alexie should sign up for a BlazersEdge commenting account to ensure he gets the most out of his adopted Blazers fandom.  (What else did you expect me to say?)

Send in your suggestions .... starting.... now!  I will do my best to pass this along to Mr. Alexie himself, so keep that in mind.

-- Ben (benjamin.golliver@gmail.com)

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He already knows everything he needs to know.

1) The Blazers feature Brandon Roy, a native Seattlite and UW star.

2) The Blazers are coached by former Sonic’s coach and player Nate McMillan.

3) The Blazers starting SF hails from Seattle.

4) As does the Blazers owner.

As an ex-Sonics fan, these are enough to help bridge the gap from his dead wife to his new wife. That the Blazers happen to be a 20 something hot as hell young team is more than enough to keep his interest once he’s committed to following the team.

by timg56 on Jul 31, 2008 12:54 PM PDT reply reply   0 recs

Now I need to find out if he has any good ideas...

... on how he and I can get invites to watch Blazer games at Paul Allen’s house.

by timg56 on Jul 31, 2008 12:56 PM PDT reply reply   0 recs

Awesome

As a fan of Mr. Alexie’s writing and his screenplay “Smoke Signals,” I’m excited he’s on the bandwagon. The man knows his NBA ball very well so I don’t really think he needs much help.

Boomshakalaka

by jksnake99 on Jul 31, 2008 12:56 PM PDT reply reply   0 recs

A few terms

RLEC –

Both teams played hard

Odenize

SPAM –

Bustabucket

Rip City

Courtesy of Dheepan:

Sergio Rodriguez: The most popular 3rd string point guard in the history of the NBA. Known for smoking cigarettes and alley-oop passes. And dating Rebecca Haarlow. What’s the update on that by the way? When Sergio commits a turnover it is either because he is making a play happen or because the other player did not possess the BBIQ to even fathom the ideas swirling around Sergio’s head. It is never Sergio’s fault, it is the corollary of Jarret Jack. It is always Jarret Jack’s fault.

Also courtesy of Dheepan:

Tony Luftman & Michael Holton: The worst half time show in the history of human civilization. Luftman is known for his bushy eyebrows and horrific chemeistry with Holton. They are noted for creating the following exchange before game recaps around the league,

Luftman :Tell them what they won!
Holton: A BASKETBALL GAME

Krikey! Kiteboarding is Kewl!

by prezofdeath on Jul 31, 2008 12:56 PM PDT reply reply   2 recs

Deleted Fanpost

At the same time as Ben’s post (which is better than my fanpost anyway), I wrote a fanpost on the same subject. Not sure which hit the site first, but it matters not. As main page articles beat fanposts; the latter is now deleted by yours truly.

There were only 4 comments anyway—two about the duplicate nature of the posts, and two about the merit of Alexie’s writings.

by EngineerScotty on Jul 31, 2008 1:01 PM PDT reply reply   3 recs

cheers scotty

a rec from me for your efforts…

great minds thinking alike, scary how that works on here sometimes.

"You'd rather say 'whoa' than 'giddyup.'" ~ Dean Demopoulos

by Ben. on Jul 31, 2008 1:29 PM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

I have nothing against his writing. I've only read two of his works.

I just said that I don’t like the movie ‘Smoke Signals.’ It was intended to be a lighthearted comment, not as commentary on the merit of his writing. I read the screenplay in high school, which I enjoyed significantly more than the movie. That’s all. Anyhow, I agree with timg56. He seems like a knowledgable basketball fan (as evidenced in ‘Smoke Signals’) and I think he probably knows all he needs to know. I welcome Sherman with open arms.

Salaam

by Junior Del Norte on Jul 31, 2008 1:43 PM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

Sherman is a great writer

—he has all he needs here at Blazers Edge to write the next Tonto and Lone Ranger Fighting in the Sky.

Live at Doug Fir Lounge on Aug. 7, 9 pm -- YEAR 5000 -- http://www.myspace.com/y5k

by Y5k on Jul 31, 2008 1:06 PM PDT reply reply   0 recs

its

“The Lone Ranger and Tonto Fistfight in Heaven.”

I also recommend another of his short story collections, “10 Little Indians.”

Boomshakalaka

by jksnake99 on Jul 31, 2008 1:15 PM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

There is only one rule for Sonics fans to remember:

That is: These are the Portland Trail Blazers. You’re welcome to come down and be part of the fun, no matter how much you may have cheered against us in the past. We will welcome you as brothers.

But: There is to be no speculation or suggestion concerning moving the Blazers up North. No matter who the owner, coach, or starting wingmen are. There are to be no suggestions that this is the Northwest’s team, and that the cultural capital of the Northwest is Seattle, and that Seattle is richer/bigger/more cosmpolitan than Portland and thus more “deserving”. We don’t pretend that the Hawks and the Mariners are a shared region-wide team—they’re Seattle teams, and even though we cheer for them and often trek up I-5 to watch games at Safeco and Qwest, we know to which city the teams belong. Seattle.

To put it another way-just ‘cause your wife or girlfriend or whatever leaves you for another man, doesn’t make it cool for you to go hitting on your buddy’s wife-no matter how hot she may be.

With that ground rule established, welcome aboard!

by EngineerScotty on Jul 31, 2008 1:07 PM PDT reply reply   3 recs

+1

I’ve been wondering whether these sentiments required a fanpost. I don’t think so, but this is very important to me.

Also other things he should know:

Mike Rice is hilarious, you may get annoyed with him every once in a while, but he is awesome, trust me.
The best person who could possibly be miked in the entire NBA- Troutlaw
Henry Abbot, the MIkes, Wheels, Gavin, Dave, and Blazersedge are not Homers, just the only people who have true insights into the game.
The worst quarter in nba history happened in the 2000 western conference finals.
Petteri Koponen is pronounced: Pet-er-ee Cope-eh-nen, despite whatever Ricey said.
The number 7 is no longer “lucky number 7” but just better than all other numbers, adjust your betting schedule accordingly.

and courtesy of blazerfan1- KP is a G

Jaws were hitting the floor as Greg repeatedly attempted to tear the rim off the backboard...

by TheOdenator on Jul 31, 2008 1:22 PM PDT to parent up reply reply   1 recs

Isn't that dependant on ...

... a) how good of a buddy the guy is

and

b) how good looking the buddy’s wife is?

I mean, if the guy is like someone you maybe have a beer with once a month and hasn’t returned those dvd’s he borrowed last month and his wife is this hot

http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/features/2008_swimsuit/models/jarah-mariano/08_jarah-mariano_1.html

Is it still not cool?

by timg56 on Jul 31, 2008 1:27 PM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

I'm married and I hit on my friend's wives

I don’t try to hump, that’s bad. Chicks dig guys hitting on them no matter what they say. I tailor the flirting for the audience. If it’s the wife of Jealous Joe then I tell her that her shirt is nice and it brings out her eyes. If it’s the wife of Cool Carl then I say, “Damn, that shirt makes your sweet jugs o’ honey pert near breathtaking. If I wasn’t married and your da kine blocking husband was standing behind me; I’d drop a Hershey bar down there and pretend my face was a s’more.”

by tominhawaii on Jul 31, 2008 2:14 PM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

Hark ...

... fair Juliet speaks

by dvcastle on Jul 31, 2008 3:06 PM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

Glad to be aboard

I read your rule for Sonics fans ( or ex Sonics fans now ). No problems here. I am with Portland. GO TRAIL BLAZERS!

by CanadianBlazerfan on Jul 31, 2008 4:17 PM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

I would, however, appreciate any efforts he could make

to engineer trading Blaze for Squatch.

Pulling that off would get him a lifetime membership to Blazer fandom.

by raoulduke on Jul 31, 2008 1:09 PM PDT reply reply   0 recs

Draft the Squatch!

Live at Doug Fir Lounge on Aug. 7, 9 pm -- YEAR 5000 -- http://www.myspace.com/y5k

by Y5k on Jul 31, 2008 1:22 PM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

Yeah, Oklahoma can't use him anyway. OKC Squatch? That's worse than Memphis Grizzlies and Utah Jazz ;-)

They have the Thunder. Oops, he signed with the Warriors. Too bad, you are late to the game.

Odenied: Coach, I promise I wasn't running hard ...

by Norsktroll on Jul 31, 2008 2:59 PM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

SQUATCH!!!!!!!!!!

As much as I love the Blazers, I hate Blaze the Trailcat. Who thought of that anyway?

by sock_eye on Jul 31, 2008 3:53 PM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

On the subject of Seattle fans ...

I spotted this on the Seattle PI web site this weekend:

Sonics headed to Oklahoma City: Will you be a Blazers fan?

http://blog.seattlepi.nwsource.com/spi/archives/142562.asp

by jtanzer on Jul 31, 2008 1:25 PM PDT reply reply   0 recs

Know names to faces.

For example, this is NOT Travis Outlaw.

THIS is Travis Outlaw.

Ba da da da dah... I'm BEdgin' it!

by you'vegottomakeyourfreethrows on Jul 31, 2008 1:26 PM PDT reply reply   0 recs

Look at that sweet face.

"Besides, AnntheFan will be here any minute to #25 you." T Darkstar

by annthefan on Jul 31, 2008 11:15 PM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

Regarding Lakers.

The Lakers are our biggest rival. Always have been, always will be. Sorry Sonics, Jazz, Sactown, etc.

It comes down to this. If the Blazers finish the season 3-79, and the 3 wins were against the Lakers, I’d have to call that a pretty good season.

by obrien2020 on Jul 31, 2008 1:27 PM PDT reply reply   1 recs

Also:

It’s spelled L*kers. Never spell it out – it’s the Blazer equivalent of any other dirty four-letter word you can think of.

Jerryd Bayless has two emotions: Kill and Win.

"I think it’s going to be very beautiful game next year."
-Nicolas Batum

by rockingharder on Jul 31, 2008 1:34 PM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

its spelled Lakers

Its not a 4 letter word, its just a team we don’t like. I don’t understand why people don’t just spell it out.

Boomshakalaka

by jksnake99 on Jul 31, 2008 1:45 PM PDT to parent up reply reply   1 recs

agreed!

It’s kinda weird.

myspace.com/marktwainindians

by mark twain on Jul 31, 2008 1:46 PM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

It is a funny way

to tell the world that we, as a whole, hate the L@kers and think they are something that ought to be scraped off the bottom of our shoes (because of the smell).

Homer: "Oh no!! A Bear is eating my father!." (On seeing Selma kissing Grampa)

by 92wastheyear on Jul 31, 2008 2:20 PM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

I see why they do it so I don't complain because a lot of people have fun with it.

It’s just strange to me. What I don’t get is that they treat it like a cuss word and rule #2 of Blazersedge Conversational Rules says:

Note that this also includes disguised swearing. The all-symbols substitute ($#%#) is allowable because it does not lead anyone to think any word they don’t want to. (And it brings up warm, fuzzy associations with childhood comics like Hi and Lois and Hagar the Horrible.) But even ONE letter with symbols is not allowed!

It is almost a contradiction to me so I just don’t play. I’m not taking a stand or anything, because people have fun with it. Like I said it confuses me and I’m in the Harry Potter camp. Harry has never been afraid of “Lord Voldemort.”

by tominhawaii on Jul 31, 2008 2:21 PM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

That's because Harry never knew that Voldemort actually cursed his own name

until he was dumb enough to say it in Deathly Hallows, and got promptly captured by Death Eaters. He’d spent his first six years of knowing wizard-dom thinking that the older folks were just superstitious weenies.

That said, Potter is proof that defense wins championships. He was no good at offensive combat whatsoever, and the only spells he could do consistently were weenie defensive spells like patronus and expillarimus or however its spelled—the one time he tried to unleash an adava kedavra on someone’s da kine, he got laughed at.

Yet the little goober beat Voldemort nonetheless.

My point? Uh, I have no idea what my point is. Just sounded like a silly side topic.

by EngineerScotty on Jul 31, 2008 2:26 PM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

But he was under magical protection

For most of the time, he was either at Hogwarts, at his aunt/uncles, or hanging out with Dumbledore, who could kick Voldy’s butt anytime he wanted to. :)

And for 3.9 of those books, Voldemort was in no condition to be causing Potter any trouble.

Once his 17th birthday happened, it was open season.

by EngineerScotty on Jul 31, 2008 2:32 PM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

Actually

You’re half right, but as I read it, Voldemort put the tracer on his name as spoken aloud for the first time in book 7 because he knew Harry and those down with his cause were prone to use. There was no tracer until then because Voldemort didn’t want to reveal he was back until we was strong enough to have followers and he was in a position to truly have some power.

by Mash on Jul 31, 2008 3:47 PM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

so $#& plays for the *$&#&^

Jeez

by 50backflips on Aug 1, 2008 7:54 AM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

Disagreed!

L@kers, L#kers, L*kers. You know how much we miss the sarcastic font on here? The ampersand, or asterisk, or whatever esle we throw into the l%kers name is maybe the equivalent of the “Gut-Wrenching Upchuck Font” we’ve never had

"its tough to play with one eye, unless you're a pirate." Delonte West

by Honka Playboy on Jul 31, 2008 3:00 PM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

I'm with you on this, roc

there is simply no need to overexpose any Blazer fan to too much of anything Faker… and seeing as the smallest iota of anything L@ker is too much, all should be banned, except when we’re forced into seeing them when we play (and beat) them. That is the only exception I can think of.

Ba da da da dah... I'm BEdgin' it!

by you'vegottomakeyourfreethrows on Jul 31, 2008 1:54 PM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

Agreed.

3-79 would be called a successful season in this household too.

My favorite teams are the Blazers and any team that is playing the Lakers.

by OCBlazerFan1 on Jul 31, 2008 3:35 PM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

Rivals?

Didn’t know the Lakers and Trail Blazers were such fierce rivals. Sorry if that sounds bad, but I am a new Trail Blazer fan ( like many now a converted Sonics fan ) and learning about my new team the Trail Blazers. Anyhow I’ll cheer loudly and proudly for the Trail Blazers when the teams play. GO TRAIL BLAZERS!

by CanadianBlazerfan on Jul 31, 2008 4:21 PM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

It's true.

Try as we might, Blazer fans tend to dislike every other “rival” slightly less than the L@kers.

For me, they’ve always been Blazer Enemy #1.

I get the feeling, however, that it is somewhat akin to the “rivalry” the Red Sox and Yankees had, where one team always prevailed when it mattered, and yet they still hated each other and called each other rivals. As tides changed in that rivalry over the last decade, we should soon see a reversal of fortune in our rivalry as well.

Ba da da da dah... I'm BEdgin' it!

by you'vegottomakeyourfreethrows on Jul 31, 2008 4:49 PM PDT to parent up reply reply   2 recs

+1

Jerryd Bayless has two emotions: Kill and Win.

"I think it’s going to be very beautiful game next year."
-Nicolas Batum

by rockingharder on Jul 31, 2008 5:07 PM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

I dont know if sonics fans possess this already.....

... but he must hate, despise, and outright loathe everything about the evil L-kers, placing them on a level close to that of Clay Bennet himself. Also that L-kers itself is an evil word that must never be completely spelled out for fear of creating a rift in the basketball-time-goodness continuum.

by postup on Jul 31, 2008 1:28 PM PDT reply reply   0 recs

Amen.

Sorry, forgot not to spell out Lkers in my post. Oops.

I told my wife last year what were the most important things in the world to me:

1. Sex. Or, rather, my wife’s love.
2. Food.
3. The Trailblazers winning.
4. The Lkers losing.

In that order.

by obrien2020 on Jul 31, 2008 1:34 PM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

OT - formatting

whenever i use an (*) instead of (-) in L-kers it forces the rest of the line to bold font. Is there an easy way to prevent this?

by postup on Jul 31, 2008 1:45 PM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

Yes.

Don’t use (*).

Ba da da da dah... I'm BEdgin' it!

by you'vegottomakeyourfreethrows on Jul 31, 2008 1:55 PM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

lol.

why didn’t I think of that? Eureka! the hat goes on the head!

by postup on Jul 31, 2008 1:57 PM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

completely stupid of me...

but I’m weak. I couldn’t resist.

Apologies.

My answer is I don’t know. I type L@kers.

Ba da da da dah... I'm BEdgin' it!

by you'vegottomakeyourfreethrows on Jul 31, 2008 2:08 PM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

sorry

directing the sarcasm at myself :P

by postup on Jul 31, 2008 3:31 PM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

Most important things in my life...

... in no particular order

1) Family
2) Sex
3) Country
4) Sex
5) Relationship with God
6) Sex
7) Friends
8) Good food and good wine – which are more enjoyable when shared with #7 above
9) Sex – which is also more enjoyable (sometimes) when shared with #7 above
10) Books
11) Books (or magazines) with pictures of naked women in them

I’m probably forgetting a few things… oh,,,

12) Sex

by timg56 on Jul 31, 2008 2:58 PM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

“I feel sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five it’s fantastic. ” -Woody Allen

Jaws were hitting the floor as Greg repeatedly attempted to tear the rim off the backboard...

by TheOdenator on Jul 31, 2008 3:00 PM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

reference to number 9

Jaws were hitting the floor as Greg repeatedly attempted to tear the rim off the backboard...

by TheOdenator on Jul 31, 2008 3:09 PM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

The Rose Garden...

If you don’t know Portland well, you should know you can park anywhere downtown for free after seven, and take MAX lite-rail free to the stadium. Thus, avoiding the cluster when the game is over and parking fees…while simultaneously subjecting yourself to downtown restaurants and bars for post game.

Bring your lungs and ear plugs. During the win streak last year ( the Denver game to make it 10 comes to mind) the place got so loud it was deafening. I expect a season of ruckus crowds as RIP CITY has been waiting to explode…I think we all held it in a bit naturally while waiting for G.O. time, so the excitment we’ve been building for YEARS is ready to be fully released.

~Get excited for RUDY! We don’t know how this Euro star’s game will translate tothe NBA off the bat, but we are excited. Check YouTube regularly for his highlight videos and tune into watch Spain in the Olympics to see how he does!

Welcome to RIP CITY! I’m sure you’ll enjoy. Plus you get to spend more time in our fair city…which is nicer than Seattle.

It puts the lotion on the skin...or else it gets the hose!

by courtsideerrandboy on Jul 31, 2008 1:50 PM PDT reply reply   0 recs

Thanks for the welcome/Portland related info.

Thanks for the welcome/Portland related info. I don’t know Portland well, but know people who have been and had good things to say. I want to come to RIP CITY! Old school Blazers question? Is the Memorial Coliseum still around or is it torn down?

by CanadianBlazerfan on Aug 1, 2008 8:07 PM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

Still there

Right next to the Rose Garden. They hold home shows and meetings and other stuff there

Homer: "Oh no!! A Bear is eating my father!." (On seeing Selma kissing Grampa)

by 92wastheyear on Aug 1, 2008 9:14 PM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

Still in old school.

I have a bit of a soft spot for Portland’s hockey team the Winter Hawks, as they used to come up here when Victoria had the Cougars. Still another old school question, and I know it may be weird with hockey on a hoops site, but do the Winter Hawks share the Rose Garden with the Blazers?

by CanadianBlazerfan on Aug 12, 2008 4:16 PM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

I'm Not Buying It

Just another fair weather bandwagon fan. How convenient that his favorite team just happened to move half way across the country. Man, the lengths people will go, to try to act like they aren’t just jumping on the Bayless bandwagon. I want to know where he was when the REAL Blazers fans were watching Roy get the first pick in the draft. I bet he has no idea how exciting that was.

by tominhawaii on Jul 31, 2008 1:56 PM PDT reply reply   0 recs

he was probobly watching on TV

cheering the fact that the Sonics had pick #2

Boomshakalaka

by jksnake99 on Jul 31, 2008 1:58 PM PDT to parent up reply reply   0 recs

I doubt it

He was probably doing heroine down at corner of 1st and Pike with a Bremalo.

by tominhawaii on Jul 31, 2008 2:26 PM PDT to parent up