Semi-OT: Fatherhood
by Dave
on Jul 11, 2008 11:11 PM PDT
Heading off to a week of Summer League, hands-down the most difficult thing will be leaving Baby Point Guard for an entire week (and then some). I haven’t been away from him for more than a few hours since he arrived in the world. I haven’t slept any farther away than across the hall from him, nor failed to check his breathing before I go to bed, nor ever missed it when he woke up crying.
Even making this short trip makes me appreciate the sacrifice the players, coaches, team officials, and broadcast crew make for their jobs. We tend to think that everything must be great for these guys 100% of the time because they are multi-millionaires. The facts are:
1. Most of them aren’t, especially if you’re an assistant cable technician on the T.V. team or, say, one of the local beat writers.
2. Even for those who are, there are some things money cannot buy. The chance to watch your children grow up is one of those irreplaceable things.
No doubt this will seem strange to a certain portion of our readership--those in pre-parenting or non-parenting mode--to whom a career involving fame, fabulous wealth, and the opportunity to play a dearly-beloved game would seem like the pinnacle of human achievement. Heck, it would have seemed strange to me a little over 7 ½ months ago before Baby Point Guard arrived. If you haven’t experienced it, it’s nearly impossible to describe how one little creature can so transform your life and priorities.
I still remember Day One, Moment One of the new era. The last second before my life changed I saw a tiny bit of hairy head sticking out. Then all of a sudden there was a rush, and then all I saw were these two relatively enormous hands coming towards me, just to the side. Those hands plopped down on mama’s chest, then the head turned, and I saw two barely-open eyes all bleary, as if to say, "What the HECK just happened?" Then came the crying and the measuring and all of that stuff. By the time the hands came back they were followed by a little face, still bewildered, and a body wrapped in a towel. By this time the eyes were saying, "Dude! It’s cold in here! And by the way, got anything to eat?"
It’s hard to describe how surreal the experience is. Only death and marriage come close to holding that kind of transformative power. You know that a certain number of seconds and minutes have ticked off the clock. You know logically there was a "yesterday" with no baby and a "today" with one. And yet somehow your mind can’t grasp that yesterday anymore. It has been robbed of its friction. Every time you try to hold onto it or remember it, it slips away somehow.
Frankly you don’t really get what’s going on in the "today" part either. You’re driving around town to get diapers or a chocolate bar for your wife (who, you know, did play at least some part in this whole affair) and you can’t understand why people are still acting normal. You want to honk your horn, roll down your window, and shout, "I’m a daddy!" It’s as if every sentient being on the planet should acknowledge that fact. You’re not self-centered, mind you. You just don’t understand why everybody doesn’t see how the world has changed. How can they be waiting for a red light at a time like this? Shouldn’t they be doing…something?
The truly humorous part is that you don’t know exactly what you should be doing yourself, other than the simple things like finding candy bars and diapers. (Hint: Those numbers on the packages are NOT based on how you think your child stacks up in the baby world. Just get "N" for "Newborn", smart guy.) So you go about your merry little way until they pat you on the head, double-check your car seat, and send you home with this thing. The usual response is to sneak out of the hospital, not looking back, as you’re thinking, "I can’t believe they’re letting me get away with this!" You do, however, tend to slow down for yellow lights and check intersections far more carefully with a newborn in back. You could literally spend all day at a four-way stop. "No, really, you guys go first! I have a BABY in back! It's MY baby! I’ll just wait until it’s clear and safe."
Despite all of this, the relationship is uneasy at first. Whatever personality days-old babies have is overwhelmed in ceaseless tides of crying, eating, pooping, sleeping, then crying again. They don’t know how to smile yet. They don’t have any idea that their appendages are attached, let alone that they could administer some kind of control over them. (Side note: Few things are as hilarious as a baby first discovering his hands. "Hey! There’s this thing moving in front of my face. Whaa? Where’d it go? Oh, it’s back! Wonder if it tastes good? OW! IT HIT ME!") In other words, most communication outside of screeching is one-way, from the big person to the little. That’s a difficult way to build a relationship under most circumstances. But any gap gets bridged immediately the exact second the little booger is crying his eyes out and you pick him up to rock him and all of a sudden he goes asleep nestled in your chest. The concepts of love and mutual appreciation are still too far beyond the first week mind to have credibility. But from the beginning, without anything but a soft sigh and regular breathing, the baby is able to say, "You are warm. I feel safe with you." This pretty much defines your role as a daddy.
It seems silly from the outside looking in, but your life quickly becomes defined by an endless series of "firsts". Baby’s first time tracking you with his eyes. Baby’s first real smile. Baby’s first time sleeping more than two hours straight. Baby’s first time in each outfit. Baby’s first time meeting the cat. Baby’s first time unintentionally smacking the cat. Kitty’s first time looking at you and saying, "How long do we have to keep this thing?" (It will not be the last.) Baby’s first time sitting up. Baby’s first time discovering fingers. Baby’s first toy. Baby’s first attachment to some object so weird and obscure you had forgotten it existed. (Hello tacky ceramic angel with jingle-bell bottom.) Baby’s first bath. Baby’s first peek-a-boo. Baby’s first time getting startled playing peek-a-boo and falling backwards, bonking his head and crying. Daddy’s first time feeling like a big, fat jerk. Each of these things (save the last) and a hundred more fill you with pride. Each cements you more firmly in the little guy’s grasp. Like a magician your baby will weave a web that you can’t get out of. You know in the back of your mind that some of this stuff really is endearing and some of it is just biological instinct releasing chemicals in your brain but you really, really, really don’t care. You are smitten, suckered, and stuck and you don’t want it any other way.
After the "firsts" stage starts calming down and interaction becomes more routine you start getting into the rewards phase of this little project. These are the things you remember…things that make you smile every time you recall them. One of Baby Point Guard’s first discoveries was the power of flight. Daddy would lay on his back and cradle Baby in his hands and whoosh him all around. Of course Baby completely missed the hand-cradling part of the equation. The kid really thinks he can fly. After he started recognizing the bathtub, which taught him that he could propel himself through water by kicking his feet, it was a natural for him to start propelling himself through the air the same way. So now he whooshes everywhere kicking his feet up and down, an amazing smile upon his face. With daddy always being just below him, Pops gets the benefit of all of those smiles.
Then there was the discovery that you could cure anything ailing Baby by sitting him on your shoulders and giving him a ride. As long as he’s up there you can shop for hours or watch whatever TV show you want. Unfortunately this was coupled with his new-found way of expressing deep approval with objects or activities by smacking them with his outstretched hands. Baby wants a glass of water? Stare at the water…smack, smack, smack! Baby likes these sweet potatoes? Reach out to bowl…smack, smack, smack! Baby LOVES riding on daddy’s shoulders (with his hands firmly wrapped around daddy’s head) more than anything else in the world… SMACK, SMACK, SMACKETY-SMACK, SMACK SMACK, SMACK, SMACK! That stupid, sloppy grin on dad’s face is half delight in pleasing baby and half concussion.
But see, here’s the thing. After a while baby starts associating daddy with certain things, like fun and flying and big hugs and tickles. Mommy has her things too--most of the important ones, actually--but certain things are just…daddy’s. And that is the moment you know you’ve made it. That’s the moment you become irreplaceable. And it happens so darn quickly! But you never want it to end.
The sum total of all of this is pretty much wrapped up in the picture just below. That’s Baby Point Guard with his first ball, which he dearly loves, by the way. He is also amazed by daddy’s dribbling Skillz and is trying to emulate them by smacking the ball repeatedly. (This saves some wear and tear on daddy’s head.) But even though he is pleased with the ball, that’s not the cause of the smile on his face. Mommy took the picture. But guess who he’s looking at? That would be me, daddy.
Look closely at that expression. That is his "daddy smile", which he never fails to employ while greeting me. Since I have the night shift with Baby, he and mommy always get up before I do. That means that THIS is the first thing I see every morning. And when you get greeted like that every morning without fail, man…it doesn’t matter what else is going on. Your day is not only good, it’s complete before it even really begins.
Anyway, maybe this gives you an idea of how hard it would be to do without all of this once you’ve become used to it. Giving up one morning "daddy smile" would be quite a loss, let alone a whole day. It gives me great empathy and appreciation for all of the Blazers and Blazer employees who have to do without it--or do it from a distance--half of the year or more. I don’t think I could. To us it seems like they should put the game first and families second. Having experienced even the small slice of family-hood that I have in the past 7 ½ months I would never blame a guy for doing the reverse. In fact that’s the way it probably should be done. We can always draft new Blazers. Their kids only get one dad.
As for me, I know there’s a lot more to experience. We haven’t hit the perils of Baby mobility yet. (Why crawl when you can fly?) We haven’t experienced the terrible twos, or the "Gimme!" fours and fives, or the too-big-for-your-britches eights and nines. We’re nowhere close to the raging hormones and parent-despising currents of adolescence. But I imagine that the longer you spend doing this the more bonded you get to it. I can say with confidence that should my son, in a fit of teenage rebellion, come to the dinner table wearing a L*kers jersey, well…I would kick his no-taste-having, infidel butt to the curb and make me another one! (This one presumably with some brains.) But short of that, even with all of the ups and downs, I can’t imagine anything--personal or professional--being more important.
I suspect my hotel room will be plastered with pictures of Baby Point Guard this week. Wish me luck.
--Dave (blazersub@yahoo.com)
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I haven't read this whole post yet..
but that is one happy looking baby. I suspect he see’s a basketball out of picture and is ready for a swap.
by BRoyInThe4th on Jul 11, 2008 11:37 PM PDT 0 recs
just read it
Great read. Baby point guard is in good hands
Goodbye blue Monday
by isaacjoe on Jul 11, 2008 11:42 PM PDT 0 recs
That was a great piece Dave.
As an expectant first time father (my wife is 5 months along) I really enjoyed reading this. Thanks for the insight into the early days and months of fatherhood. I’m really excited, this fall brings Blazers basketball and a new member of my family. What more could you ask for?
He's Coming! Oden Slayer of Giants
by Idog1976 on Jul 11, 2008 11:44 PM PDT 0 recs
More importantly
Hopefully baby point guard HAS good hands.
No late game turnovers in 2030.
by jc burg on Jul 11, 2008 11:44 PM PDT 0 recs
Son
Probably the best thing I’ve ever read by you Dave, it made me cry (I’ll admit it). I have six sons (because I didn’t want seven), and I was there for each birth, and felt the same about each as you do about yours. They are aged 24-13. You are in for a big ride my man, grab that bronco saddle!! I hear girls are harder to raise though. Be proud of your son, your writing really made me think fondly of my first being born 24 years ago, who has graced me with a 1.5 year old grandson now – just wait until that happens! God bless!
John
There is probably no more terrible instance of enlightenment than the one in which you discover your father is a man — with human flesh.
Paul Muad'Dib - Dune (Frank Herbert)
My Translation: My Dad is a dude just like me, and my sons are dudes like me also. I love that.
by johnv59 on Jul 11, 2008 11:45 PM PDT 0 recs
Don't worry Dave. The only use Baby Point Guard
will have for a L@kers jersey is as a rag to clean the white wall tires of the the family sedan. In a few years the little guy will go with you to Summer League. I love this post. Thanks for the pic. He’s growing nicely.
"Besides, AnntheFan will be here any minute to #25 you." T Darkstar
by annthefan on Jul 11, 2008 11:50 PM PDT 0 recs
Thanks Dave.
Like Idog, we are also expecting our first child (in early January). And considering that it took us five years (and some very expensive medical procedures) to get to this point, it doesn’t feel real to us… well, mostly to me, since, you know, she’s got a kid growing inside of her along with all the fun side effects.
Anyway, your story made my situation feel a lot more real to me, and in a good way. So, thanks, and stay safe in Vegas.
MLB2PDX!!! (someday...)
by The Cactus Leaguer on Jul 11, 2008 11:55 PM PDT 0 recs
You are great at writing.
This post was so… genuine. I felt like I saw the smile on your face when you saw your child for the first time.
You are a great father… God Bless. It is inspiring to hear someone talk about his kid so wonderfully.
by Cablinasian on Jul 11, 2008 11:59 PM PDT 0 recs
Incredible
You are a really good person Dave, I have no doubt this baby will grow up incredibly happy and fulfilled in his life. This was a great post, and brought tears to my eyes. I look forward to starting a family, and I pray I’ll be half the Father you are. I wish you the best, and hope this week away isn’t too hard for you :)
Vote Sam Bowie as Greatest "Other" Blazer Ever.
by Outlaw is Rejector on Jul 12, 2008 12:10 AM PDT 0 recs
Your post remind me a poem by the Cuban poet José Martí.
I don´t dare to translate it so i´ll post it in Spanish, sorry, perhaps someone will understand. The smile of my babies, when I had babies, were the sea where my worries were sunk and disappeared. Good luck.
MI CABALLERO
Por las mañanas
Mi pequeñuelo
Me despertaba
Con un gran beso.
Puesto a horcajadas
Sobre mi pecho,
Bridas forjaba
Con mis cabellos.
Ebrio él de gozo,
De gozo yo ebrio,
Me espoleaba
Mi caballero:
¡Qué suave espuela
Sus dos pies frescos!
¡Cómo reía
Mi jinetuelo!
Y yo besaba
Sus pies pequeños.
¡Dos pies que caben
En sólo un beso!
The Midnight Rambler
by amlmart1 on Jul 12, 2008 12:12 AM PDT 0 recs
I read this with my 4 month old daughter on my lap
and I know exactly what you’re talking about. I’m one up on you though-I have a 3 year old boy too (although I think he’ll be a power forward-he’s pretty darn tall!) You captured the essence of fatherhood. And my being able to work from home is such a blessing too—see their beaming faces every morning. Thanks for the great post.
by jamon51 on Jul 12, 2008 12:23 AM PDT 0 recs
Wonderful insight Dave,
As a father of 2 boys, 19 and 17, It is great to hear someone express the same feelings I I felt so many years ago. Just to let you know, after all these years, those feelings NEVER go away! The depth of love and caring for another human being(s) is beyond what words can say, but you described it better than anyone I have ever read. There were times when I thought they were acting the same age for years and I couldn’t wait to see what they would be like when they got older. What I didn’t realize at the time was that they were developing and maturing in such small ways that I hardly noticed. Every once in a while they would say or do something big that catches me by suprise, but most of the time it was the small stuff that can easily go unnoticed. Now one is in college, the other will be a senior in high school, and now I regret wishing for them to hurry and grow up.
It sounds like you are cherishing each and every precious minute of his life, the way it should be. The oldest is not interested in sports at all, but has in abundance all of the important qualities a man should have. The youngest is a jock, taught him how to dribble a basketball when he was 4, still intent on being the opposite of his older brother to establish his own identity. He is on the Issaquah High School lacrosse team that won the state championship this year. He still has a ways to go though as a man but he is getting there.
Keep up the good work and keep us informed on on your point guard. I am sure you will be a great referee.
by blazerbill on Jul 12, 2008 12:46 AM PDT 0 recs
It is hard, I know
to leave your little ones behind – especially your first – for the fist time. It’s never easy, even when they’re just staying one night at your parents. I remember my wife and I reminiscing about never being able to go out like we used too. My son was probably about eight months old at the time, and neither of us had been so much as a night apart from him. My wife called her mom and talked her into keeping him for the night while we went out.
Our night out wasn’t like old times at all. We went out to eat, but all we could think or talk about was our little boy. She called her mom four times on her cell phone from the restaurant to see how he was doing – if everything was okay. Afterward, we went to see a movie. She left the theatre at least a half dozen times to use her phone to “check in” on her baby. I chuckled and poked fun at her when she returned, but really I felt the same way. If it hadn’t been so late when the movie ended, we would have driven to her mom’s, woke her up, demanding our boy back. As it was, we spent a miserable night without him – her crying at times and me feeling like I wanted too.
The good news is that as they get older, it does get easier and even appreciated to have a break once in a while. Trust me.
"...and that loud noise you hear coming is the Portland Trailblazers." - Charles Barkley
by RebelRogue on Jul 12, 2008 12:49 AM PDT 0 recs
I still tear up
When I remember the births of my kids. Then they write on the walls or head-butt me in the nuts and the feeling passes. But my wife and I still love them to death – even when they are exasperating us and fighting with each other, we love them just the same.
Great post, Dave. You’ll survive the Vegas trip – my advice is call home at bedtime (Baby PG’s) and sing him a song or read him a story. It isn’t ideal, but you’d be amazed at how effective it can be.
Now go get ‘em, Tiger.
by DonkeyShins on Jul 12, 2008 12:58 AM PDT 0 recs
That was wonderfully written
amazingly observent. Your children will be blessed with opprotunity and fine examples of charictor. They are perfect mirrors.
"As long as Yao is in the league, Greg Oden will probably never start in an all-star game, because he doesn’t have 1 Billion people voting for him."
silkybrown
"Just so we're totally clear(, y)ou’re saying you want me to kill Yao, right?"
nightbluefruit
by ptwnblzr on Jul 12, 2008 1:31 AM PDT 0 recs
Amazing stuff, Dave
Boy, he looks like a pass-first kid of kid, dribbling with his head up and all. Great court awareness, I can see it now.
Oden/Pryz
LMA/Frye
WebFoot/Trout
Roy/Rudy
Blake/Bayless
**Champs 08-09**
by BigCelPhone on Jul 12, 2008 1:33 AM PDT 0 recs
I thought he was ready for a dunk.
The Midnight Rambler
by amlmart1 on
Jul 12, 2008 1:39 AM PDT
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Thanks for the post Dave
My little guy that you have seen as my avatar turns 3 in a couple of weeks.
I still check his breathing every night when I get home from working swing. As I watch over him while he sleeps I am always overwhelmed with an amazing sense of gratitude.
The hardest thing for me is the discipline. My little warrior is VERY strong willed and really likes to challenge authority. I hate to discipline him but because I love him, I gots to do it. The goal of keeping their strong will and spirit intact while also teaching respect and obedience. Tough stuff.
Your son is lucky to have you!
I'm a little confused by your tactics
by oderiferous emanations 74 on Jul 12, 2008 1:40 AM PDT 0 recs
Yes yes yes!!
My little guy is two weeks older than yours. I love the big grins we both get on our faces when I come home from work or get him up to give him his morning bottle. Nothing gets you ready for how great (and hard!!) it is :).
by Mateosan on Jul 12, 2008 2:38 AM PDT 0 recs
damn dave...
that was beautiful. baby point guard has the confident look of bayless, the cool-as-a-cucumber appeal of roy, and the BOMB smile of oden.
i think we can all agree that dave somehow combined the 3 purest things in the world in one blog-post: dave himself, the truest PG on the blazers, baby PG, and the portland trail blazers.
awesome.
by aryamehr on Jul 12, 2008 2:50 AM PDT 0 recs
Dave,
This is the best piece you’ve ever written. Wow.
by coolguyrob on Jul 12, 2008 3:02 AM PDT 0 recs
Great post
This captures pretty well what fatherhood feels like. I was absolutely giddy for just about every second of my daughter’s first 5 years. Great job.
by jaywalker on Jul 12, 2008 4:04 AM PDT 0 recs
I want so badly to be able...
to say something profound about this post. All I can say is that I am jealous. I’m jealous of you and of baby point guard.
"I love this game!" -Moonbeam, from 'Rollerball' right before he was knocked into a permanent coma
by -ken on Jul 12, 2008 5:20 AM PDT 0 recs
I'm with Ken on this
- just a little bit jealous. It almost made me want to have a baby around again. Watching them discover the world that you have been taking for granted is incredible.
"We will do nice things!" - Rudy, 07/01/08
by jorga on Jul 12, 2008 6:20 AM PDT 0 recs
Great Post
Just wait until little BPG starts throwing the ball. It only gets better!
by da34shadow on Jul 12, 2008 6:47 AM PDT 0 recs
Very nice piece, Dave.
"You don't live by the jumpshot, you die by the jumpshot." ---Charles Barkley, 2/7/08
by timbo on Jul 12, 2008 7:23 AM PDT 0 recs
I'll echo your sentiments.
It is very hard to leave your own children, especially for a week. Even though you’ll be very busy with covering Summer League, every free moment will be occupied with missing the little guy. I know that’s how it works for me at least.
As it turns out, I’m going to be gone for the same week, except I’m not going to Summer League, but chaperoning a group going to a youth conference in Irvine, CA. It will be a fun week, but I will miss my kiddos.
One of Two Official Blazer's Edge Poets Laureate for the 2008-2009 Season
"In vino veritas." - Latin proverb
"Ich sitze hier und trinke mein gutes Wittenbergisch Bier und das Reich Gottes kommt von ganz alleine" - Martin Luther
"μηκέτι ὑδροπότει, ἀλλὰ οἴνῳ ὀλίγῳ χρῶ διὰ τὸν στόμαχον καὶ τὰς πυκνάς σου ἀσθενείας." - 1 Timothy 5:23
by T Darkstar on Jul 12, 2008 7:42 AM PDT 0 recs
Horrible Post
Just kidding!!! That was great. I am a father of a 7 week old baby girl and man, it’s just nuts how much she changes every day. FOR YOU FIRST TIMERS EXPECTING, THE FIRST TWO WEEKS ARE VERY HARD!!! !!! !!! People always say that you won’t get any sleep, and the baby cries a lot, but that doesn’t express how it feels! When you’re extremely sleep deprived, AND you are holding a crying baby at 3 a.m. that won’t sleep because her schedule is all reversed, let me tell you it’s crazy! It soon gets better though, very quickly.
Dave, I like the part about how when you’re a brand new parent, and out and about, how crazy it is that the rest of the world is just operating as normal! That’s hilarious, and so true.
myspace.com/marktwainindians
by mark twain on Jul 12, 2008 8:23 AM PDT 0 recs
David...congrats
It sounds like Baby Point Gaurd loves his dad and since 7 out 10 don’t, you got very lucky. Just kidding of course. My son is 12 (13 in November) and while I don’t remember moment to moment from the day he was born ( I never thought that would happen), I do have these mental snap shots that I cherish and laugh at as time goes on. The best one….absolute best one, is him falling asleep on my chest that first time (while laying on this couch that had in the birthing room). He dozed off while sucking on my pinky finger…..I dozed off shortly thereafter. My wife woke up and saw us there and still thinks about this moment herself (in her own way, for her own reasons).
I don’t want to be that guys that tries to tell someone else how to raise their kids, but I am gonna anyway. lol. The bit of advice that I am going to give you is this. Tell that boy that you love him…every day. Give him hugs. Give him kisses. I tell you this because I wasn’t raised that way myself (my dad wasn’t comfortable with this type of affection). I just know that because I have raised my son this way ….he tells me that he loves me every day and just last night he kissed me goodnight. A 12 year old who can still kiss his dad goodnight (as long as no one is looking of course) is something that can’t be replaced. Anyway…I rambled but congrats…you’re doing fine and going to vegas won’t scar him (or you) and is part of the process.
Mortimer: "It’ll be so nice I’ll need microfracture—ON MY WEINER."
by 92wastheyear on Jul 12, 2008 8:53 AM PDT 0 recs
you are so right
Like I have mentioned, I have 6 sons. I tell every one of them every day, via phone or chat or in person, that I love them, and hug and kiss them every time I see them. They are manly men now (ages 24-13), very athletic, but that bond is there and will never go away – they expect it from me. I got it from my Dad and Grandpa. Men, tell your sons you love them and give them a big hug / kiss whenever you can. It’s surprising how much it bonds you with them. I wouldn’t give that bond up for anything in the world.
There is probably no more terrible instance of enlightenment than the one in which you discover your father is a man — with human flesh.
Paul Muad'Dib - Dune (Frank Herbert)
My Translation: My Dad is a dude just like me, and my sons are dudes like me also. I love that.
by johnv59 on
Jul 12, 2008 10:58 AM PDT
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If you dont have a baby basketball team...
in five years you will be able to take him with you.
_ He’s a handsome lil point guard :)
-Sophia
That which prematurely arrives at perfection soon perishes. - Marcus Fabius Quintilian (35-95AD) Roman Rhetorician, Critic
by BlazerFan1 on Jul 12, 2008 9:05 AM PDT 0 recs
What a writer!!
This was a beautiful piece of writing! You should get a book contract. I always enjoy your writing but this was the best. The best of everything for you, BPG and your wife.
by sagew on Jul 12, 2008 9:16 AM PDT 0 recs
Great job Dave! I'm
a father of 2.5 kids (ones in the oven right now, due the first pre-season game). My son is a special needs kid. I wouldn’t trade them for anything, and enjoy every day with them. One great thing about being a school teacher is that I get to spend the entire summer with them every year. They grow up fast!
My favorite teams are the Blazers and any team that is playing the Lakers.
by OCBlazerFan1 on Jul 12, 2008 9:22 AM PDT 0 recs
Oh wow. I love reading how fathers feel about their children. It's wonderful
and I have to quit looking at this thread until my days off as I can’t keep presenting my teary eyed face to people who come to my desk to speak to me.
"Besides, AnntheFan will be here any minute to #25 you." T Darkstar
by annthefan on Jul 12, 2008 9:45 AM PDT 0 recs
Verry nice piece Dave. Your ability to express yourself is to be envied.
I’ve always felt that letting some years pass before becoming a parent generally makes for a better parent and you are a shining example of this.
I’ve had 4 such experiences (adopted another at 3 1/2) and I can tell you that the birth of that first one especially, was one of the most emotional experiences of my life. I remember going home from the hospital, lying on the coach with tears that I didn’t understand streaming from my eyes. Quite wonderful.
But surpassing that emotion from an intensity level – by far – occurred a year ago with the death of my wife. She was my soul mate, my life, my everything. Her death ripped my heart out, and now I’m not sure how much of me is left. Now, I am so thankful of course that I still have my kids for their support which I’ve badly needed..
As wonderful as our kids can be (and mine are), one should never allow oneself to forget the extreme importance of a good spouse and of the need to keep that spouse ar priority. Yours kids will eventually leave and seek lives of their own. It is of course, the natural order of things. But the importance of your spouse won’t diminish with time and in fact will likely increase after your child rearing days are over.
by TwoDeep on Jul 12, 2008 10:26 AM PDT 0 recs
Great comments
100% on target. Best of luck.
Other people don't have as much practice at being wrong as I do -- HT, timbo
by jscot on
Jul 12, 2008 10:27 AM PDT
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I want to send you a book
by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross if you haven´t read it. I think it is really really encouraging and comforting (at least it was when i read it time ago). May i do it?. I looked for you email but didn´t find it. If you accept send me your mail adress to amlmart1@wanadoo.es.
Hugs.
The Midnight Rambler
by amlmart1 on
Jul 12, 2008 11:02 AM PDT
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Thanks for the offer amlmart1.
I’ve sent you my address via email.
by TwoDeep on
Jul 13, 2008 11:00 AM PDT
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Been there....
My wife passed away from breast cancer 7 years ago, at age 36, and that made me a single father of 4 sons. Yea, life isn’t fair sometimes. I remarried 2 years ago and picked up two more kids in the process. It’s very tough to “lose the witness to my life”, it sucks, totally. I just have two pieces of advice for you: 1) Cry, cry, and cry some more. There is nothing wrong with that, and it will make you feel better. 2) You are a human and you will adapt to it, we are good at that. Live YOUR life, and your kids will notice that and make them happier. If you fall down then they will also.
Best Regards, always here to talk with you if you want to,
John
There is probably no more terrible instance of enlightenment than the one in which you discover your father is a man — with human flesh.
Paul Muad'Dib - Dune (Frank Herbert)
My Translation: My Dad is a dude just like me, and my sons are dudes like me also. I love that.
by johnv59 on
Jul 12, 2008 11:29 AM PDT
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Sorry, coach (e. g. Nate) should have read couch. Damn those two similarly spelled words.
by TwoDeep on
Jul 12, 2008 10:48 PM PDT
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I didn't catch it the first time
But it’s an amusing typo. By the way, I may be out of line here, but from what I have read of your posts, I think your wife scored. Godspeed, and like our Spanish friend says, hugs.
by Corvid on
Jul 12, 2008 10:56 PM PDT
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Yep.
"Besides, AnntheFan will be here any minute to #25 you." T Darkstar
by annthefan on
Jul 13, 2008 12:48 AM PDT
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Both of you.
"Besides, AnntheFan will be here any minute to #25 you." T Darkstar
by annthefan on
Jul 13, 2008 12:50 AM PDT
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Great stuff
Just great stuff, Dave. Great memories for me. I’m getting old now, but so many familiar thoughts and feelings. Maybe I’ll be a grandpa soon.
Only one caveat. Now that we have Bayless as an all-star PG for the next 22 years, baby PG needs to grow into a SF.
Other people don't have as much practice at being wrong as I do -- HT, timbo
by jscot on Jul 12, 2008 10:26 AM PDT 0 recs
Best advice I ever received about fatherhood
was from a speaker at a men’s gathering when my two kids (now in their 20’s) were both very young:
Don’t blink.
The speaker told us about watching his little 6-year old daughter “headed out the door for her first day of school. She stopped at the door and turned to say goodbye to me and I made a big mistake: I blinked. When I looked again, she was saying to me, “Daddy, it’s cool. It’s my senior year in college and you know I’ll keep in touch. I always do.”
Savor this time, my friend: teach, learn, and most of all, love. And remember: Baby Point Guard will likely have lots and lots of friends, but he will only ever have one Dad.
by dmacb on Jul 12, 2008 10:28 AM PDT 0 recs
I lnow the feeling well
at least you get to look forward to seeing bpg in a week.. I on the other hand have to separate from my wife and son for months at a time.. I live in virginia beach now… I cant see either of my kids regularly this year…my son and my blazers, the two loves of my life
if it can be conceived it can be achieved
by lyfefindsaway on Jul 12, 2008 10:51 AM PDT 0 recs
Thanks, Dave
That post made me laugh and think probably more than anything else I’ve read on this site (sorry, Mortimer). I’m one of the rare single guys who looks forward every day to the time I get to hold my first child, and this is pretty much how I imagine I’ll feel. Thanks for providing such a beautiful portrait of what fatherhood SHOULD be. God bless ya, man. I’ll be pulling for you while you’re in Vegas.
by ChrisB803 on Jul 12, 2008 11:13 AM PDT 0 recs
first-time Dad any day now
As a regular reader and expecting father, I really appreciate your candid article. My wife is due next week with our first child, and we couldn’t be more anxious and excited about how our life is about to change. We have all these ideas and visions of what the future holds for us when our little girl comes home, but it is always great to hear the point of view from someone who has gone through it. The way you approach fatherhood is exactly the vision I have of becoming a dad, and hearing your feelings is very reassuring. But for now, I do think I’m going to relish these last few days around a quiet and calm house… I slept for 9 straight hours last night. Soon to be a thing of the past I know, but I couldn’t be more happy about it. Thanks again
by RJ- on Jul 12, 2008 11:59 AM PDT 0 recs
Baby Mobility
Fantastic post Dave! You captured fatherhood quite well.
My son is 10 months old in a few days, and all I can say is, strap yourself in..because when Baby Point Guard can crawl, he’ll want to explore every single thing that he can get to!
Once my son learned to crawl (just month or so ago), it seemed like he quickly figured out how to stand up, holding onto the table. Now he can stand while holding my hands. Things happen lightning fast! Soon, he’ll be executing behind the back passes, I’m sure!
Our cats started out suspicious and slightly annoyed with Zak, but now they are terrified of him! Probably because he likes to squeeze their tails.
by SloppyJoe on Jul 12, 2008 12:10 PM PDT 0 recs
Great Post Dave
Am I the only person on Blazer’s Edge who hates kids? I won’t get all snarky because there is a good vibe going on in here. I can see some benefit to kids, and I’ve had fun chatting with them in small doses. I honestly think having a child would be the worst possible thing to happen to me. One thing I hate about getting older, is all your formerly cool friends have kids, and junk up your e-mail with photos of their kids. That is just not cool, I feel like they’re in a cult and trying to get me to join by sending me photos. It’s like sending photos of Kobe to a Blazers fan.
You can stand under my umbrella
You can stand under my umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh eh eh eh)
by tominhawaii on Jul 12, 2008 12:51 PM PDT 0 recs
Sometimes you can be a really funny guy, Tom...
this is not one of those times. :)
"I love this game!" -Moonbeam, from 'Rollerball' right before he was knocked into a permanent coma
by -ken on
Jul 12, 2008 12:57 PM PDT
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Yeah, it's hard to be funny when I'm talking about something I don't like
I honestly looked into getting a divorce when my wife thought she was pregnant. If she wouldn’t be willing to put it up for adoption, I would have had to file for divorce. My wife’s former boss wanted kids so bad that his wife made him adopt. She doesn’t like kids and made him pretty much raise the girl on his own. I think that is kind of rude and it would be better to just move on and get a divorce.
You can stand under my umbrella
You can stand under my umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh eh eh eh)
by tominhawaii on
Jul 12, 2008 1:19 PM PDT
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PS
I still think this was a swell read. I love my dog and my cat, so I guess I could love a kid. I just don’t want too. I’ll stop now because I think I’m messing up the spirit of this thread.
You can stand under my umbrella
You can stand under my umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh eh eh eh)
by tominhawaii on
Jul 12, 2008 2:11 PM PDT
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What's killing the thread
is that signature of yours!
Fighting…urge to…throttle…Tom…
—Dave
by Dave on
Jul 12, 2008 2:56 PM PDT
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OK, I changed it for you
I wish I could put it on a mix tape for your road trip.
You know I still love you. Hugs.
by tominhawaii on
Jul 12, 2008 4:28 PM PDT
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I liked his signature
since he was no longer commemorating my long-windedness.
Other people don't have as much practice at being wrong as I do -- HT, timbo
by jscot on
Jul 13, 2008 2:45 AM PDT
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understood
Tom, one of my sons (21 yrs old) has officially informed me many times that he will never supply me with a grandchild, that he doesn’t want kids period (even though I had so many….hmmmm…..maybe that is related). Anyways, don’t rain on our thread parade! LOL :-)
There is probably no more terrible instance of enlightenment than the one in which you discover your father is a man — with human flesh.
Paul Muad'Dib - Dune (Frank Herbert)
My Translation: My Dad is a dude just like me, and my sons are dudes like me also. I love that.
by johnv59 on
Jul 12, 2008 5:13 PM PDT
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Tom,
I think I’m agreeing with you – although I’m not sure what you said – but I think that those who suppress the “urge” to have kids should be rewarded with tax breaks. Our planet is so over crowded. now. Why didn’t someone tell me about this before I fathered 4 kids? It’s too late now though. Too late to reverse what we have done to our earth I’m afraid.
by TwoDeep on
Jul 12, 2008 10:22 PM PDT
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That next baby just might be someone that changes the world for the better
I'm a little confused by your tactics
by oderiferous emanations 74 on
Jul 12, 2008 11:57 PM PDT
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In Europe
their talking about tax breaks for having kids because the birth rate has plummeted so low.
Other people don't have as much practice at being wrong as I do -- HT, timbo
by jscot on
Jul 13, 2008 2:46 AM PDT
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That would never happen in America
My brother has six kids. He started when he was 15. He’ll keep the family name going. I still think kids could be entertaining. I just don’t want to devote 18 or more years of my life to some dang kid. I want to take vacations when I want, and buy what I want to buy, when I want to buy it. Not wait until some kid is out of college before I get to enjoy life.
You know I still love you. Hugs.