2006 Draft – the first in which KP officially gains control (although Steve Patterson was technically still the reigning GM, I believe)…

Blazers trade Sebastian Telfair, Theo Ratliff and a 2008 second round pick for Raef LaFrentz, Dan Dickau and the 7th overall pick (Randy Foye).

Blazers trade #4 pick (Tyrus Thomas) and third string hero Victor Khryapa for the rights to some guy from Texas (#2 pick LaMarcus Aldridge).

Blazers trade the rights to #7 overall pick Randy Foye for #6 pick out of the University of Washington, Brandon Roy. Stephen A. Smith at this point famously claims "The Blazers have no idea what they’re doing." And by saying "they have no idea what they were doing," he actually meant "The Portland Trail Blazers are beginning to stockpile young talent, which will probably continue from now until eternity.”

KP purchases the 27th pick from Phoenix and acquires the player Chad Ford calls "the steal of the draft" Sergio Rodriguez. Cigarette sales in Oregon triple.

Portland also acquires the rights to Joel Freeland, from Detroit, but he immediately decides he’s more at home judging "So You Think You Can Dance." You may recognize him by his stage name "Nigel."

Holding the most valuable asset in the 2006 draft (the first pick in the second round), KP immediately trade the rights to James White (31st pick) to the Indiana Pacers for the rights to Alexander Johnson and 2 future second round picks. Johnson is then immediately traded to the Memphis Grizzlies for a "future second round pick." Which happens to be exponentially better than being traded for 10 baseball bats. As a rookie, Johnson averaged 4.4 points and 3.1 rebounds in 59 games played.

OUT: Telfair, Ratliff, Victor Khryapa, some of Paul Allen’s money (roughly $5 million, I think).
IN: Brandon Roy, LaMarcus Aldridge, Sergio Rodriguez, the rights to Joel Freeland, Raef LaFrentz’s future expiring contract, and Lasik Eye Surgery expert Dan Dickau.

2006 Season (also known as "The Rebirth")…
KP makes the best decision of his career, hiring a young intern out of Willamette University to write for Blazers.com. Contrary to what you’ve read from the New York Knicks, interns are not always propositioned for sexual favors nor are they given lavish promotions after "getting in the back of the truck." However, I can assure you that Brandon Roy and LaMarcus Aldridge are just as cool as you think they are in person and a team full of 20 year olds is substantially less intimidating as a young writer than a team of seasoned veterans.

Midway through the season, KP saves Oregon’s own Fred Jones from the frozen tundra of Toronto by shipping Juan Dixon’s malcontent attitude up north. Oregon fans everywhere rejoice, but fans of the Blazers who are originally from Washington are quick to point out that the Oregon boy is not quite as good as the University of Washington boy (GO HUSKIES!).

2007 Draft (see also: Oden vs. Durant)…
Content with winning the number one pick, KP chooses Greg Oden #1 overall and then takes the rest of the night off…

But after a few cocktails, KP gets the bug again to spend some of Paul Allen’s money (who doesn’t want to spend money after a few drinks?), so he calls his good buddy Robert Sarver and acquires the 25th pick (Rudy Fernandez) and then later acquires Finnish point guard Petteri Koponen by swapping second round pick Derrick Byars (#42) to Philadelphia. AM/PM owners throughout Oregon rejoice and immediately start stockpiling cigarettes. Strangely, it becomes very hard to buy deodorant…

Pritchard also acquires Josh McRoberts with the #37 pick which slightly overshadows the smallest move of the night: Portland trades PF and shoulda-coulda-woulda-almost-was-an All-Star (aka Mr. 20/10) Zach Randolph, Fred Jones and Dan Dickau for "The Buffet of Goodness" Channing Frye and Steve Francis. Security immediately escorts Steve Francis away from the practice facility and he’s never heard from again (in hindsight, did KP have Francis killed? Whoa. He really can get away with anything.) By including Fred Jones and Dan Dickau in the trade, Portland gains a trade exception and immediately acquires James Jones from the Phoenix Suns (thank you, Tom Penn!).

Including Fred Jones, however, breaks the hearts of Oregon basketball fans everywhere (although, we still have UW shooting guard Brandon Roy, so all is well in Washington) and it’s yet another example of "basketball as a business."

The Knicks (Go Isiah, go!) also work out a trade for second round pick Demetrius Nichols who Portland selects with the #53 pick in exchange for what I believe was a future second rounder. One pick earlier, Portland selects Florida point guard Taureen Green with a second round pick they received in the Juan Dixon for Fred Jones deal.

OUT: Zach Randolph, Fred Jones, Dan Dickau
IN: Channing Frye, Steve Francis (cut immediately), James Jones (baller), Greg Oden, the rights to Rudy Fernandez and Petteri Koponen, Josh McRoberts and Taureen Green.

2007 Season (aka The Return of Rip City)…
Despite early claims that the team needs some veteran leadership, KP only makes one deal all season (trading Souljah Boy expert Taureen Green for Baron Von Wafer of the Denver Nuggets) and the team still finishes 41 – 41. They snap a ridiculously long streak of "consecutive losing months" by basically going undefeated in December (not really, but really, really close) and they’re everyone’s new chic pick for the next Western Conference powerhouse.

2008 Draft (aka Now It’s Getting Ridiculous)…
The Blazers enter the draft with a young, talented roster and the #13 pick, but that just isn’t enough for our Sith Lord-ian General Manager. Pritchard does not merely want to "quell the resistance," he wants to end basketball as we know it. In "Remember the Titans," Denzel Washington & Will Patton make sure that they "leave no doubt" against the team with the racist coach. Well, the 2008 draft was Paul Allen and Kevin Pritchard’s "leave no doubt" game.

Deal #1: Blazers send #13 pick (Brandon Rush) plus Jarrett Jack to the Indiana Pacers for #11 pick Jerryd Bayless (expected, by most, to go #4 to the Seattle SuperSonics) and Ike Diogu. Players of NBA Live everywhere know Ike Diogu as a very cheap and underrated power forward who is frequently available in the late rounds of a fantasy draft, but he still scores like an early pick.

Deal #2: Actually a couple separate deals, but KP purchases New Orleans #27 pick for $3 million, and uses the pick to select Darrell Arthur out of Kansas. The pick in itself is a great one, because Arthur was projected to go as high as #11 (in our BE mock draft), but Arthur is immediately dealt to Houston, along with #33 pick Joey Dorsey, for the rights to Nicolas Batum (#25 in the draft) just to spite the San Antonio Spurs who had allegedly promised Batum a spot in the rotation. Arthur is later dealt to Memphis in a separate transaction.

Deal #3: With the #36 pick, the Blazers select Omar Asik of Turkey, but he is immediately dealt to Chicago for a package that includes 3 future second round picks (obviously, KP loves his second rounders – they’re like trading cards!). Mike Taylor, the #55 pick, becomes the first NBA player drafted out of the D-League, and is then whisked away to the Clippers for another future second rounder.

OUT: Jarrett Jack
IN: Jerryd Bayless, the rights to Nicolas Batum, and Ike Diogu

Miss anything? And wow… It’s almost time for lunch…