You should attach it to a big rocket and send it up to the sky (during the day so you can see the jersey) and watch it explode. There will likely be a portion left that will be big enough to frame. Good Luck.

so that it may never be retrieved!!

...in the Rose Garden, at a Lakers game, preferably while on the big screen.

Powder blue? That is effing nasty. I suggest you wipe with it.

... all Blazers who have had their number retired.

Also, he should be required to say the following:

“the greatest point guard ever was Terry Porter.
the greatest shooting guard ever was Clyde Drexler.
the two greatest centers ever were Bill Walton and Arvydas Sabonis.

Brandon Roy is better than Kobe.
Greg Oden is better than Shaq.”

Glad you could open thier eyes. Being that this is a resurgent year for that other team, I would be far from calling them a bandwagon fan.

He decided to switch teams after the Lakers lost the finals? That’s what I’m getting out of your post.

Write the Declaration in proper Declaration form.

“When in the course of human events…”
“We hold these truths to be self evident…”
“One Score and 7 points ago…”

Then have him put his big John Hancock on it.

I’m a Physics kid, not a History kid, so excuse my ignorance, but I recall the Americans sending a list of complaints to King George (stuff like the taxes, etc.). Make a version of this list to have him sign as part of the declaration.

Also, people here are gonna say “throw him back, he’s just a fairweather fan.” I’m sure, to some degree, that’s inevitable. The evidence is there as far as the timing, etc. But c’mon folks, can’t we take this as a victory? Can’t we all get together and have some fun and welcome a fan to the Bright Side? Let us not judge from whence they came, but on where they stand!

I’d love to see bums in Laker gear.

and swim to the next beach of Oregon with his LA shirt. He should take it off when reaching the beach, kiss the sand, run to a tree near the beach and climb to the top of the tree to get the blazer shirt. That´s enough as a start, I mean starting from Europe, Japan or Hawaii.

[ahem]

RAPE THE JERSEY!
RAPE THE JERSEY!

• We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts we make the world.
• Do not dwell in the past. Do not dream of the future. Concentrate the mind on the present moment.
• Even if everyone else is not doing good, we alone will. Even if everyone else is doing wrong, we alone will not.
• Just as water cools both good and bad and washes away all impurity and dust, in the same way you should develop thoughts of love for Blazer and non-Blazer alike, and having reached perfection in love, we will attain enlightenment.
• Everything changes, nothing remains without change.
• The rule of friendship means there should be mutual sympathy between them, each supplying what the other lacks and trying to benefit the other, always using friendly and sincere words.
• If we fail to look after others when they need help, who will look after us? Indifference brings indifference; lovingkindness brings lovingkindness.
• Rain falls, wind blows, plants bloom, leaves mature and are blown away; these phenomena are all interrelated with causes and conditions, are brought about by them, and disappear as the causes and conditions change.
• Hatred never ceases by hatred, but by love.
• All that we are is the result of what we have thought; it is founded on our thoughts. If a man speaks or acts with pure thought, joy will follow him, like a shadow that never leaves him.
• In separateness, lies the world’s great suffering. In unity, lies the world’s true strength.
• Focus, not on the rudeness of others, not on what they’ve done or left undone, but on what we have and have not done ourselves.

to put it on the dummy

Just make the guy come up with a viable argument, preferably written, that the refs stole game 7 of the 2000 WCF from the Blazers.

This introduces him to L*ker hate AND the ever-suspicious mindset of the Portland fan.